manipulated by parents

[sugbuana]

---

i am being manipulated by my parents throughout my life.

course/profession: I wanna be an Architect/Designer or a Chef but i ended up being a Nurse.

career: I wanna work to a place away from home but i'm stuck here.

lovelife: He's the only love of my life but my parents hated him.

future: I'm looking forward to settle down but they just don't want.

How can i get a life of my own without disregarding my parents ?

[Soul Doctor]

i am being manipulated by my parents throughout my life.

course/profession: I wanna be an Architect/Designer or a Chef but i ended up being a Nurse.

career: I wanna work to a place away from home but i'm stuck here.

Lovelife: He's the only love of my life but my parents hated him.

How can i get a life of my own?

you want to be an architect.
you want to be a designer.
you want to be a chef.
you want to have the man who you called the love of your life.
you want to work away from home.
and you want your parents to finance your studies until you graduate on whatever course you like.
and you want them to accept the guy they hate just because you love him.

and you don't want to be a nurse.

be realistic.
i was in that same position in my college days.

you have options.
i have options
and i did what i wanted to do.

Maybe they don't see me as a smart and responsible person.
so I have to prove to them that I am smart enough and responsible.

my parents wanted me to take other courses. veterinary medicine, fisheries, civil engineering.
so i stopped (refusing their support for my college in the process),
got in to poultry business, and send myself to school.
but then i realized, i really could not afford the course i do want, which is fine arts.
so, i took up chemical engineering instead,
because my father already had the engineering books, (he is a chemical engineer)

i was just being practical and realistic.
sometimes, reality is sad but you have to deal with it.

but here is another reality you will face when you become a parent.
the reality that there are four types of kids, and your decisions and actions will depend on how you see your kids, and on what type of kids you think you have.

a.) "the smart and responsible" ones,
they do their house chores without complaining and doesn't expect rewards.
do their best in school and other social activities.

b.) the responsible ones (actually all responsible kids are smart, they just don't know it yet).
and basically the same with (a) they do complain at times, but they get the job done.

c.)the "smart and irresponsible" --they're the lazy type of kids.
they just want to play and enjoy life without having to work for it.
they find ways to escape responsibilities and evade work and that's the "smart" part of it.

and

d.)the plain irresponsible ones.(one with history of making mistakes and wrong decisions) who also wants easy things in life without having to work hard for it. they act like the world owes them. they think they deserve everything they want.

the "smart and responsible" ones are often given their free choice by their parents.
if as a parent i see my daughter as smart and responsible, why would i tell her to do things other than what she wants.

But if i see her, made mistakes in her decisions a lot of times,
and she doesn't even own up to her mistakes,
she just keeps on thinking she made the right moves while you as a parent collect her blunders,
then you would start to take control
and tell her what to do.
that's because you don't trust her decisions anymore.

this is what you have to deal with as a parent.

so, you tell me which type of kid you are
and that's the time you start complaining about your parent.

Because I would not manipulate my kid in anyway if i see him or her as a responsible and smart kid.
Because I know that he or she will always do the right thing.
I will support her or him in whatever he or she wants in life.
And telling her what to do would be wrong.

I'm not saying that you are not smart and responsible.
What I am saying is---maybe your parents do not see you as such.

[Soul Doctor]

i am being manipulated by my parents throughout my life.

course/profession: I wanna be an Architect/Designer or a Chef but i ended up being a Nurse.

career: I wanna work to a place away from home but i'm stuck here.

lovelife: He's the only love of my life but my parents hated him.

future: I'm looking forward to settle down but they just don't want.

How can i get a life of my own without disregarding my parents ?

try finding a man without a child.
i think that's what your parents don't like about your man.

Its his history of making mistakes. Maybe he was young then, but that's not an excuse.
A lot of young people choose to do what is right.

Yes a parent don't have the right to object because it is their own daughter's life and affairs.
And as parents, its not their problem anymore.
That's what we said to ourselves too, when my daughter decided to have a boyfriend while in college.
But the reality is--- it always becomes the parents problem.

First she got pregnant. So goodbye college.
Then she got married, yet she still lives with us because they are both students.
And they cant afford to live on their own.
Then she had CS operation which cost us P91,000.00

You see, no matter how you say that its your own problem.
It always goes back as problem for the parents too.

[bowee]

i am being manipulated by my parents throughout my life.

course/profession: I wanna be an Architect/Designer or a Chef but i ended up being a Nurse.

career: I wanna work to a place away from home but i'm stuck here.

lovelife: He's the only love of my life but my parents hated him.

future: I'm looking forward to settle down but they just don't want.

How can i get a life of my own without disregarding my parents ?

as the old cliche says.. there are only two types of people in this world.. the one who manipulates and the one being manipulated...

judging by all accounts.. you were never happy with your life throughout.. being a PUPPET being manipulated on strings by a manipulative parents is never that easy to comprehend...

there are different abuses in this world.. categorically manipulative parents are moreover abusive parents.. and they go hand in hand in my dictionary... I admire you for withstanding this abuses given to you... mura jud kag doll or puppet mag sunod sunod lang sa unsay mando or orders lang tawn sa imong parents...

Did you ever considered rebelling for once really I admire your guts for standing these type of parents.. more often than not.. these types of parents are the reason why daghan mga bata karon nitakas or nikagiw sa ilaha.. their child or children wasnt able to tolerate their abuses anymore...

So TS?
What you can do? disappear from their shadows... disappear to a place where they cannot manipulate you anymore... or the likely case would be to STAND UP for WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN...

Let it all out your hidden angers, ires, and vent it all to them.. Tell them you can't take it anymore...

You are the captain of your soul and your not a child anymore... it's about time to save your self from them.. and there is no savior you can turn to but yourself.

Fight yourself sad.. it's the least wonderful thing you can give to yourself. Your not a puppet or a doll you know... You have an emotion sad.

Fight and Speak UP Sis!

if you don't fight back.. you might regret the day when you can't speak up for yourself anymore.....

Good Luck!

[darkdruid]

simple... just get out there and decide by yourself...

just make sure to to ask money from your parents para dili ka hilabtan....

[makie]

How is your communication with your parents? In most cases, situations like this happen because of either lack, poor, or wrong communication, not only in the family but all kinds of relationships as well.

Why not sit down and talk about it with your parents? For sure they can understand you and you will also give you the opportunity to further understand their side. There are some things that you and parents missed and needs to be connected. Misunderstandings isn't all about conflicting ideas, it is sometimes about unconnected ideas/feelings.

Talk about it and come up with resolutions.

[sugbuana]

you don't want to be a nurse.
be realistic.
i was in that same position in my college days.

I wasn't really that good in academics, I know my capacity but still my parents took the risk to let me pursue a profession which is way too far from my interests. My passion has always been in Arts, and they are very much aware of that. Naa ba koy choice nga sila man nag support nako financially during college years? Wala diba... Now, they finally got what they want. A license to brag.

b.) the responsible ones (actually all responsible kids are smart, they just don't know it yet).
and basically the same with (a) they do complain at times, but they get the job done.

c.)the "smart and irresponsible" --they're the lazy type of kids.
they just want to play and enjoy life without having to work for it.
they find ways to escape responsibilities and evade work and that's the "smart" part of it.

B&C=== I'm responsible ones, I follow the rules..blah, blah, blah...yes, I do complain a lot.
there are times i get out of the box too, kumbaga naka enjoy ko gamay...

I'm not saying that you are not smart and responsible.
What I am saying is---maybe your parents do not see you as such.

I think akong parents dili pa ready to let go of me. They just didn't accept the fact that I also have a life of my own.
What if I get married?

[sugbuana]

as the old cliche says.. there are only two types of people in this world.. the one who manipulates and the one being manipulated...

They are autocratic type.
I'm filling up their frustrations in life.
Makonsensya ko dili mo sunod.

Did you ever considered rebelling for once really I admire your guts for standing these type of parents.. more often than not.. these types of parents are the reason why daghan mga bata karon nitakas or nikagiw sa ilaha.. their child or children wasnt able to tolerate their abuses anymore...

wala na nisangit sa akong ulo nga mag rebelde bisan kapoy sunod sa ilang gusto. I'm not also the "ulirang anak-type". I do commit mistakes because i'm not perfect.

So TS?
What you can do? disappear from their shadows... disappear to a place where they cannot manipulate you anymore... or the likely case would be to STAND UP for WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN...

Let it all out your hidden angers, ires, and vent it all to them.. Tell them you can't take it anymore...

You are the captain of your soul and your not a child anymore... it's about time to save your self from them.. and there is no savior you can turn to but yourself.

Fight yourself sad.. it's the least wonderful thing you can give to yourself. Your not a puppet or a doll you know... You have an emotion sad.

Fight and Speak UP Sis!

if you don't fight back.. you might regret the day when you can't speak up for yourself anymore.....

Good Luck!

Thanks for making me feel my worth. Aja! to me!

[sugbuana]

How is your communication with your parents?

I did talk to them a couple of times..they would'nt listen to me, neither to my siblings.. same old story, "mando sa kahitas-an sundon sa gimandaran"
Honestly, dili lang ako kundi kami tanan manag-suon. same situation...

simple... just get out there and decide by yourself...
just make sure to to ask money from your parents para dili ka hilabtan....

I think imung pasabot ana is not to ask money...wala man coz I have a work to support myself.
Unsaon man nako pagka lingkawas ngari nga naa akong work dinhi ug ang akong parents at the same time

[Soul Doctor]

So, licensed nurse na ka karon?
kung wala pa sila mamugos nimo, wala unta kay licensya.

Now you can start planning to work outside the country and far from them.
Unless, you get yourself pregnant or you can not leave your boyfriend behind.
If you already are a nurse, you are now closer to your dreams.
You can work abroad after a few years of experience as nurse here.
When you save enough money from working abroad,
that's the time you can pursuit your passion in design.