I lost my dad when I was still 11 years old. He got a kidney failure and was trying to battle it out for almost 3 years. He finally gave up and rested.
It was so painful that I couldn't cry. I was afraid I would have a nervous breakdown. So I thought that during those times, not shedding a tear would make it easier to fool myself and my family that everything is okey. My mom played her role well. She was more than a mother to me and my brother. But I didn't realize that until now that I have grown up. She was trying hard to make both ends meet for us. She went from one job to another. I know she had a hard time but I made it harder for her. I didn't know that I was hurting her badly. Every family have their black sheep and I was that in my family. I smoked and got drunk almost every week. But I never really lost it. I was still hanging on to the tiniest hope that someday I will realize that I have to changed. She left for the US during my 20th year in 2002. She never really had a choice since she was sending my brother to med school. She let us understand that she has to go away for us to have a better life. And I said to myself, well, that would be good idea. Nobody's going to keep on checking on my shoulders. I will have the freedom that I've always wanted. And so she left. I woke up one day and realize how much I miss her. It took me two years to realize that. I am not an emotional type of person but everytime I miss my mom, it brought tears to eyes. Last 2005, my boyfriend (now my husband) and I decide to tie the knot. When my mom called, i told her that I am getting married and asked if she can come home. I know it was an easy decision because she has not yet legalize her stay in the US. To make it easier for her, I assured her that she doesn't have to consider it. I would understand if she can make it home. As my wedding preparation progressed, I found myself so busy. Until the day came. Everything was perfect. I woke up with too much anxiety in me. Everything as taken cared of. I even arrived at church early. As the marching beat of the organ sounded, I was suddenly brought to tears. That was the time that I realize how much I miss my mom. I never dream about not being able to celebrate my wedding without the most important people in my life. I feel so sorry for her for not being able to see me in my wedding dress. But I never took it against her. Life has to go on. Now I know that not being with your mom doesn't mean that you won't feel the motherly affection. I feel more loved and more thought of. Her motherhood was a blessing to us...
Where were my parents on my wedding day?
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