brodpocks' joke taym!

[brodpoks]

---

hope this one dili binalik.... enjoy!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet.
Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet).
Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward.


2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause: You're lying on the floor.
Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.


3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry.
Cause: You're looking through an empty glass.
Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage.


4. Symptom: The floor is moving.
Cause: You're being dragged away.
Cure: At least ask where they're taking you.


5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause: You have your glass on your ear.
Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself!


6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause: You're in an ambulance.
Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job.


7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers look strange.
Cause: You're in the wrong house.
Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

[brodpoks]

nilakaw sa colon c botyok kay gikasab-an sa iya nanay...

ug unya gi duol cya sa usa ka tawng grasa...

tawgrasa: boss palimos...
botyok: unsa-on man nimo ang kwarta? imo igasto sa imong bisyo no?
tawgrasa: dili boss oi! wala koy bisyo!
botyok: na hala adto ta sa amo. ako ipakita sa akong inahan kung unsay dangatan sa taw nga walay bisyo!


tawa sad ginagmay oi!

[ladygam]

[brodpoks]

LAKI : Day, manan-aw tag sine!?
BABAE : Unya, di ka manggunit ug t**y? di ka mangagbay? di ka
manghalok?
da ka manguot bis*ng!?
LAKI : Di Oy!!
BABAE : ngee.... ikaw nalay tan-aw!!



MR: gikan ko sa SSS gipakita lang nako ang akong puting buhok
aproved dayon ang retirement nako..
MRS: gipakita unta na imong ot**n aron makuha dayon pud imong
disabilty binifit mo.



Kahibalo ba mo nga ang inyong B*LB*L sumpay sa inyong
PILOK??....BITARA
imong B*LB*L di bah mo piyong imong mata!



PARI: gigukod kog babae nga gahubo,sus!midagan ko ug mitago!
ikaw Bishop kung gukdon ka ug babae nga gahubo unsa
man imo buhaton?
BISHOP: pareha nimo MAMAKAK!!!!!!



ang ahente mitoktok sa balay ug gisabwag ang tae
Ahente: kung di na malimpyo niining vaccum, ang tae akong kaonon.
Mrs: Hala kaona gyud na kay brown out!



SI INTING SA AMERIKA...
si inTING niadto sa USA niorder ug SIKWATI..gihigop dayon bisan ug
INIT pa..nakahilak si INTING!
amerikano: ANYTHING ??
inting: INIT MO LANG!!


kung ang kugmo tam-is na-a kay sakit nga DIABETES
kung ang kugmo aslom na-a kay sakit sa KIDNEY
kung ang kugmo parat na-a kay sakit sa ATAY
kung ang kugmo imong TILAWAN na-a kay sakit sa UTOK!


maestro: TEBAN use deduct, defense, defeat and detail in a sentence.
teban : sus sir kasayon ra ana!
teban: Deduct jump over defense,defeat first then detail!



botyok: mama-ak ba ni inyong IRO nang?
nang bertulda: Tyok! , dugay na gyud ko nagpuyo ning kalibutan...wala
pa gyud ko kadungog nga dunay IRO nga MANUMBAG.


Ingon ang PARI, dili makipags*x sa tubig, dili man mo ISDA. Ayaw sa
kasagbutan dili man mo HAYOP ug labaw sa tanan ayaw sa likod sa
simbahan, dili man mo PARI.......amen



Lawyer examining a witness on a vehicle accident.
Where were you sitting when the impact came?
Court interpreter to witness. Asa ka man naglingkod sa pag-abot sa
impakto?


Pari ug Madre nagkita:
Madre: Unsa to imo apelyido padre?
Pari: Kada-adlaw imong gigunitan
Madre: Ot*n?
Pari: Susmariahosep! ROSARIO uy!



2 ka misis nangamote...
misis1: mahinumdon gyug ko sa ITL*G sa akong BANA aning KAMOTEHA.
misis 2:sa KADAK-ON?
misis 1: dili,..sa KABULINGON!!



bana: kuha-an nako picture imong yotots, unya ipa frame nako.
asawa: kuha-an nako picture imong ot*n, unya ipa enlarge
nako.


Asawa: Hubo-a ako panty
Bana: O ako ng gihubo
Asawa: Hubo-a ako bra
Bana: O ako ng gibubo
Asawa: Sa sunod ayaw na isul-ob ako mga gamit ha BAYOTA KA!



Usa ka inahan sabak sa ika-15 niya ka anak mingadto sa family planning
center nangayo ug tambag:

Taga family planning: Nay pagkadaghan na ba tawon sa imo mga anak?
Nganong
wala ka man mogamit ug family planning? Wala gyud ka mogamit ug IUD,
Condom, Rhythm o unsa pa diha?

Sabak nga inahan: Wala gyud ko magamit ana maam sukad ma sukad, OT*N
ra gyud ako gigamit ahaaaaaaahaaaaayyyy



BANA: day akoy kinaisogan diri sa selda.
ASAWA: ngano man?
BANA: ang akong l*so gitatoan.
ASAWA: doy kanang imong gipatato ug imo pang gipatoli
diha ko bilib nimo....



amo: parrot unsa naman sad ning imong gi buhat ming order napud ka sa
jollibee sa telepono no?
parrott: ako nagud ni

pagka ugma

amo: parrot unsa naman sad ning imong gi order nga mga sanina ka
mahal raba ani, mo usab gani ka himolbulan tagyud ka unya i lansang sa bungbung

pagkaugma ning order na sad ang parrot busa gihumolbulan ug gi
lansang sa bungbung tapad sa crossifix......

parrot ni atubang sa cross: oi oi oi nag-order order pud ka?



husband: dear patiraha ko beh
wife: buang gidugo ko!
husband: sa lubot nalang
wife: buing naa koy almuranas!
husband: kamota nalang dear
wife: animal gyud ka kabalo ka piang akong duha ka kamot
husband: oral nalang dear
wife: gi-ibtan kug ngipon gahapon no
husband: ipita nalang sa ilok
wife: sige ka nag shave ko aton isa ka adlaw hait kaayo ang balahibo
husband- frustrated nag hinoktok..... dayun ni ngisi ug kali "dear,
ay ko ingna gi sunggo ka!!"

[brodpoks]

paki delelte lang kung binalik na ha... ty...


Dear ex-Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and
I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you had quit your job today and that was the last
straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I
had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your
favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went
straight to sleep after watching the game. You
don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch
me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't
love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your
BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!

Signed: Your ex-Wife


Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more pleasant than
receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have
been married for seven years, although a good
woman is a far cry from what you've been.

I watch sports so much to try to drown out your
constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last
week, the first thing that came to mind was "You
look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not
say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must
have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER,
because I stopped eating chicken seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new
negligee because the price tag was still on it. I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother
had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we
could work it out. So when I discovered that I had
hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and
bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got
home you were gone.

Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope
you have the filling life you always wanted. My
lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my
brother was born Carla (a female). I hope that's not
a problem.

Signed Your ex-Husband (Rich As Hell and Free!)

[brodpoks]

The Naming of Jesus

A group of biblical scholars were involved in a heated discussion about
how Jesus of Nazareth was named. How did he become known as the Messiah, or Christ.

One of the scholars argued that the name was a Greek corruption of Aramaic, and purists and
fundamentalists ought to use the name Joshua.

Another argued that Joshua was Hebrew, not Aramaic, to which a third argued that
Hebrew should be used because Jesus was said to be the King of the Jews.

The debate went on and on and became more and more sophisticated and obtuse.
Finally, an old man known for his wisdom intervened.
He informed the group that he knew how Jesus was named.
When Jesus was born, a star shown in the sky, and three wise men from the East travelled to Bethlehem.
They had travelled for days, suffered great deprivation, and when they finally got to Bethlehem got
lost trying to find the manger.
Finally, after much ado, and in rather foul moods, they reached the manger and entered the stall.
As one of them came through the door, he tripped on the door sill, and fell into the wall hitting his head.

"Jesus Christ!"

he screamed, and that is how the baby was named.

[brodpoks]

nagpahid ug plorwax c tamislat sa ilang salog ug kalit lang ni syagit.


tamislat: Tabodlong! tabang, dili nako ka barog! mura'g na paralays ko!?
tabodlong: Nabuang naka!? tarong ug barog oi! imo ra naludhan ang usa sa imong YOTOTS!

[benj04]

helo kinsa ka?

[brodpoks]

helo kinsa ka?

ni reply nako sa imo email benj... wendell d i ko.

[benj04]

naa kay cp bro?
ask akong sis kay nalingaw xa nimo. pila imng edad?