Winflo's Jokes ~ Great for laughs

[WinFlo]

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One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...
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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."
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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
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He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart.
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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
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A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband.

Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
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Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
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Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
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Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
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Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
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[tahbiapo]

hehehe yeah girl power!

[WinFlo]

There was this Pinay named Maria who was born and raised in Olongapo City.

She met her husband, John while he was stationed at Subic Bay Naval Base. Maria doesn't have an excellent command of the English language, but she and John manage to communicate.

One day, Maria decided to cook a big dinner for John, so she called John up at work and told him to come home straight from work. John and his co-workers had been working long hours trying to finish up a project their admiral had assigned weeks ago, so they were excited to finally finish it. They decided to go to the ship's chow hall to celebrate.

When John came home around midnight, he realized he forgot about the dinner that Maria had made for him. As Maria came out of the kitchen, John began to explain.

"Honey, I'm really sorry. The guys decided to celebrate a little bit, so we ended up eating at the ship."

"Ah, like that, ha? I cook the house for you, you eat the ship!"

"Honey, I'm really sorry," begged John.

"Ahh! Don't sorry to me! From now, you do your do, I do my do! You harden there!"

[Tagalog translation: Ah, ganon ha? Pinagluto kita dito sa bahay, kumain ka naman sa barko! Mula ngayon, gawin mo ang gusto mong gawin, gagawin ko ang gusto kong gawin! MANIGAS KA DIYAN!]


This is Maria's story. If you didn't find it as funny, oh well... YOU HARDEN THERE!

[WinFlo]

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal, and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore. Whatever the case, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't bother. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was, "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out, so when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me, so take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but Carl, my brother, was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed,
Rich As Hell and Free!

[WinFlo]

There once was a very good old barber in New York . One day, a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies, "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop; there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.

A Filipino software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service."

The Filipino software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning, when the barber goes to open his shop, guess what he finds there...










... A dozen other Filipinos waiting for a free haircut!

[--Makoy--]

practical man ang pinoy..

[j_cainglet]

hahahahaha...

[blackmagic]

[BloomerBeak]

That's what you get when you're unfaithful to your partner.
Lesson #1: Be Faithful! (ang gaba dili magsaba)

[jmbernz]

hahaha..nice one...