The Do It Yourself Pentium Kit
Congratulations on purchasing this fine kit from the Acme CPU Company. This Pentium chip is designed to give years of pleasure. This kit contains the purest silicon from Silicon Valley to help you build the fastest and best central processor possible. Just follow the following easy instructions:
1. Preheat oven to 1600 degrees Celsius. Wait 5 minutes.
2. Put packet of pure silicon in ceramic crucible or, if one is not handy, in your wife’s favorite sauce pan.
3. Place crucible or pan in oven on middle tray. Bake well for 30 minutes or until the pure silicon has the consistency of hot chocolate. WARNING: It is notT hot chocolate and is not intended for internal consumption.
4. Pour pure silicon mixture into patented(4) wafer mold. Spread mixture evenly, removing any lumps. Wait 2 hours for wafer to harden.
5. Sand surface of wafer until it is smooth to the touch. Number 5 grit is recommended.
6. Divide wafer into a series of rectangles, each of which is 3.5 centimeters by 1.2 centimeters. Accuracy counts, so make those lines straight!
7. Etch the easy-to-follow schematics for the Intel 80387 chip onto the wafer in each rectangle. Each rectangle has the potential to be an 80387 processor, so be sure to make more than one in case problems develop. Remember, the smaller the pattern, the faster the chip, so don’t be afraid to go for real detail. A magnifying glass may be useful.
8. Cut rectangles from the wafer, making sure that you follow the lines. Scissors may be used, although razor blades are also useful. Safety scissors are recommended for software engineers if this is their first hardware project.
9. Place rectangle in handy plastic pin-out package. Be sure to get the rectangle positioned in the middle of the package. Wire pins to indicated areas on the Pentium schematics. You may replace the supplied 20-gauge wire with a finer wire if you so desire.
10. Glue package top onto package bottom, making sure that the top fits firmly. Take your time. Remember, neatness counts! Now is not the time to make an unsightly error. Wait for glue to dry (24 hours is recommended unless super glue is used).
That's it!
You are now the proud owner of a Pentium processor! No one will be able to tell the difference between it and an actual chip! Plug this chip into your PC and away you go!
The Do It Yourself Pentium Kit
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