It is the year 2003 and Noah lives in the PHILIPPINES. The Lord
speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and
cover the whole
earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the
righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of
lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and
trembling, Noah took
the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember," said the Lord,"You
must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and
all the seas of the earth went into tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting
in his front yard
weeping. "Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive
me!" cried Noah. "I did my best but there were big problems. First, I
had to
get a Mayor's permit for construction and your plans "did not comply
with the codes". I had to hire their "engineering firm" and "redraw"
the plans.
Then I got into a fight with Municipal Fire Safety Inspector over
whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and
extinguishers. Then my
neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a permit from the
municipal planning
office. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there
was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Monkey Eating Eagle. I
finally
convinced the DENR that I needed the wood to save the
eagles. However, the DENR won't let me catch any eagles. So, no
eagles. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had
to negotiate a
settlement with the KMU. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but
still no eagles. When I started rounding up the other animals, I got
sued by an animal
rights group. They objected to me only taking two of each kind
aboard.
Just when I got the suit dismissed, the DENR again notified me that I
could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact
assessment on
your proposed flood. They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the
universe. Then the
DPWH demanded a map of the proposed new flood
plan. I sent them.....a globe.
Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the DOLE
that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless,
unbelieving people aboard!
The BIR has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm building the Ark
in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got
a notice from the
BIR that I owe some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark
as a recreational water craft." The NBI and ISAFP each wanted a piece
of the action
alleging that the Ark would be used by
the Magdalo soldiers to escape. The PNP on the other hand insists
that Al-Ghozi might use the Ark to flee to Indonesia.
Malacanang sees the opportunity to use the Ark for GMA's Strong
Republic Nautical Highway presidential campaign sorties. Finally the
Senate got the
courts to issue a TRO against further construction of the Ark, saying
that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and
therefore
unconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
another 10 or 16 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun
began to shine and the
seas began to calm.
A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean
you are not going to destroy the earth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord
sadly......."The government is already doing that."
If Noah was a Filipino
Reply With Quote
Posting Permissions
