A policewoman pulls over a drunk driver and asks him to step out of the car.
She says, "Anything you say can and will be used against you."
The driver replies, "Breasts."
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A Scotsman in traditional garb walks into a bar. A few hours later, he stumbles into the street and passes out. While he's unconscious, two tourist girls walk up to him. They want to check and see if the rumor about Scotsmen and their kilts is true, so they lift up his skirt and see that he's naked underneath. One of the girls takes a blue ribbon out of her hair and ties it around his johnson before they run away laughing. When the Scotsman awakens, he looks down and sees the blue ribbon. "I don't know where you've been or what you've done," he says to his johnson, "but I'm sure glad you won first prize."
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A famous cardiologist died, and everyone was gathered at his funeral. His coffin was displayed in front of a huge model heart. When the minister finished his sermon and everyone said their good-byes, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment, one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him asked, "Why are you laughing?" The mourner said, "Well, I was just thinking about my own funeral." The man asked, "Well, what's so funny about that?" And the mourner said, "I'm a gynecologist."
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An old farmer and his wife are lying in bed. He leans over one night, touches her breast, and says, "If this thing could still give milk, we could get rid of the cow." She reaches over and grabs his member. "And if this thing could still get hard," she says, "we could get rid of the dog."
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A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.... You know what?"
"What dear?" she asked gently.
"I think you're bad luck. Get the **** away from me."
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basaha lang
Lingaw sd..
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