Katuwa-tuwang expressions ng mga pinoy:
- What are friends are for!
- Been there, been that!
- Come, let’s join us!
- The more, the manier!
- The sky’s the langit!
- Don’t touch me not!
- Are you sure ka na ba?
- What’s your next class before the last?
- Well, well, well, look do we have here!
- I always go there sometimes!
- Give him the benefit of the daw!
- It’s a blessing in the sky!
- Well, it’s not my problem anymore, it’s your problem anymore!
Ano sa English ang, “Sarado ang tindahan bukas?”
The store is close open.
Ano sa English ang “Babangon ako at dudurugin kita?”
I will rise and pulverize you.
Ano sa English ang “Balang araw, lalaki din ako?”
Bullet day, I will become a giant.
Guy: Tapos ka na ba sa assignment?
Girl: Oo, bakit?
Guy: Ako naman ang sagutin mo…
An American, a Brit, and a Pinoy were at a dating game.
Girl Searcher: I like guys who are creative, now use the words “liver” and “cheese” with style.
American: Steak that liver and melt that cheese on me!
Brit: I hate liver but I love cheese as I love you!
Pinoy: Hey, you two! LIVER alone! CHEESE mine!
Boy: Mahal na mahal kita! lumindol man o bumagyo, harangan man ako ng sibat, pupunta parin ako sa inyo!
Girl: Bakit wala ka kagabi?
Boy: Ano kasi…umambon.
Q: What did the shark say when he saw the goldfish?
A: “Is-da you?”
Student: Anong paboritong candy ng mga math and science teacher?
Frances: Ano?
Student: Eh di measure-mints!
Q: Anong ginagawa ng mga students sa Pisay (Philippine Science High School) para wala silang bad breath?
A: Eh di gumagawa ng experi-mints!
At a children’s party
Nanay: O ayan, anak, may sindi na yung kandila. Pikit mo na yung mga mata mo at mag-wish ka na.
(Pumikit yung bata at hinipan ang kandila…)
Nanay: Wow… ano ba yung wish mo?
Anak: Sana po sa birthday ko next year, may cake…
Q: Anong sinabi ng tanga pagpasok niya sa antique shop?
A: “What’s new?”
Atom 1: Pare, I’m loosing an electron.
Atom 2: Are you sure?
Atom 1: Yeah, I’m positive!
TV Host: Dagul, bakit ang pandak mo?
Dagul: Kasi nga bata pa lang ako ulila na ako.
TV host: Huh? Anong kaugnayan nun sa pagiging pandak mo?
Dagul: Ano ka ba! Wala ngang nagpalaki sa akin!
Q: Why is love like a photograph?
A: Because when you click, it develops!
Patient: Doc, makakabasa na ba ako pag nagpagawa ako ng salamin?
Eye Doctor: Oo naman.
Patient: Hay salamat! No-read-no-write kasi ako eh!
Teacher: Construct a sentence in English then translate it in Tagalog.
(Teacher calls a student who’s raising his hand)
Student: My teacher is beautiful, isn’t she?
Teacher: Oh, (Blushes) Very good sentence, now translate it.
Student: Ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?
MAN: when I get mad at you, you never fought back. How do you control your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet bowl.
MAN: but how does that help?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush
Q: If you believe in soulmates, if you believe in love-at-first-sight, if you believe in destiny, and serendipity… what kind of person are you?
A: Single.
Headlines na walang kwenta
- Dalawang bangkay natagpuang patay
- Kapapasok lang na balita…lumabas din bigla
- Dalawang ginang.. wala lang
- Isang tao na nagutom kumain…patay!
- Pangulong Arroyo nagbabala ng WARNING!
- Sarah Geronimo nagising matapos matulog
- Buntis sinaksak, Bata sa loob, nakailag!
- Misis ng Photographer, NAKUNAN
- Bulag na nakapatay, nagdilim ang paningin.
- Dalawang kalbo, nagsabunutan!
- Basurero nagsampa ng kaso, BINASURA!
- Isang manghuhula, nagsampa ng kaso dahil.. PINAGDUDAHAN.
- Isang komedyante, nagtampo dahil… pinagtawanan!
Champaca 08: Ma’am, anong hayop ang corny?
Frances: Ano?
Champaca 08: Eh di COW!
Sometimes I ponder about what other people say, “Jokes are half-meant.”
Just think about it: if jokes are half-meant, then 2 jokes are one-meant.
So if there are 4 jokes, then you get bubblegum!
That’s double-meant, right?
Estudyante: Mama, bayad ho.
Driver: Saan galing?
Estudyante: Eh di sa kin.
Driver: Saan papunta?
Driver: Eh di sa yo
“Do not do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.”
Tagalog version: “huwag kayong ganyan, kung mag ganyan kayo, huwag ganun!”
While an American was walking in the streets of Manila, two Pinoys noticed that his bag was open.
Dodong: Resty, sabihin mo sa ‘Kano bukas yung bag niya.
Resty: Hey, Joe! Your bag is tomorrow!