Chuck Norris Jokes

[P-Chan]

---

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

[makatasawi]

all hail almighty chuck...

[-shinobi-]

mura d i ug chuck norris owns the world.

[makatasawi]

Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.


God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.

If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.

Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poos them out transformed into a robot.

Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn’t find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, “always leave things the way you found em!”

Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris


Chuck Norris got a perfect score on his SAT's, simply by writing Chuck Norris for every answer.

Chuck Norris doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead.


Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.

When Chuck Norris played golf for money, chuck marked down a hole in 0 every time, a pro at the golf club, said to Chuck: "excuse me sir, but you cant score zero on a hole". Chuck Norris turned towards the man and said, im Chuck Norris, the man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face anyways.

[P-Chan]

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

[Golden Thief Bug]

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.


ROFL kayasa lols wahahaha

[diatabz]

My favorites:

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

[dbmike]

chuck norris sleeps with a night light, not because he is scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of him

[dbmike]

Chuck Norris eats his bubble gum and farts bubbles.

[P-Chan]

the native americans taught chuck norris the rain dance... big mistake... now a days they call it blood bath