Memoirs of an Amnesiac

When I was young, there is only one thing that motivated me about the opening of classes. Those are the new school things my parents would buy me. In my little innocent and naive heart, the smell of new pads of paper, the factory scent of cheap bags and shoes, plus newly sewn uniforms resembled that of one drug addict's reaction to "fly high" (I can only surmise because I swear I've never even tried sniffing nor taking any prohibited drugs. Well, maybe rugby, but I don't smell it when I'm hungry.) Looking back now, somehow I think the reason they didn't buy things that are durable and could last years was that I could have the "feel" of how it is to have things the first time. (This of course is besides the point that they could only afford the cheap ones that don't last for years.)

It is probably human nature to want to try things, especially the first time around. We go on expensive trips to try how it is to set foot on a foreign ground. We challenge ourselves on different adventures just because we think that "it will never feel the same way the second time around." Often, we go through great heights even to the point of embarrassing ourselves in front of people just because we crave for the "first-time feel." A friend of mine who probably never visited any KFC branch in Negros, begged for us, her new-found friends in Cebu to take her to any KFC branch. So we indulged her and brought her there (complete with a selfie and goupfie of the whole experience). To most of you, this might have been very hilarious but for my friend, the experience was worth a try.

It is just unfortunate though that we don't have the same "adventure-feeling" for other areas in our lives, especially those that deal with what we feared most. We often do not like to risk. Our adventurous selves are curbed to the corner when we speak or decide to love, find a new job, or even answer a teacher's question (especially so when we are talking to our seatmates).

I like to try a lot of things. I have my personal bucket list before I reach 40. I love eating and trying new types of cuisine despite my history of allergies and reactions to certain types of food. I have only recently experienced how it is to receive a dozen roses from my significant other and I told him not to give me anymore the second time or the third time because I want to keep in my memory the feeling of how it is to receive the first time. When someone talks to me about trying out something new, I am always for it. Except of course the prohibited ones. I'm talking about wholesome stuff here.

Trying out things the first time around gives me a certain kind of relief that though I may have to experience them over and over again, I will never forget the feeling they gave me the first time.

Just like my school things. They may get to be written on, filled with scribbles and my teachers' marks of "Do great next time!", "You are a Pro!" or (the worn out) "Very Good!" or my crushes' names, made into paper planes or reduced to a tissue paper in the fields when we couldn't find something to wipe our behinds. They may get soiled, filled with dirt and mud as we trudged the uncemented roads leading to our school, get torn as we climb Bayabas trees before heading home, or handed down to (unfortunate) siblings for next year's opening. Nothing beats the feeling of having them the first time (despite the changing of the rainy season and the coming of drought).

So here's to welcoming the new school year with a lot of uncalculated risks because life should always be lived like it's the first time.