Memoirs of an Amnesiac

Tonight I could write the saddest lines.

Seven years. That's probably how long it has been. We've lost count (and the zest to celebrate) as the years went by, when all the atrocities we've experienced have weighed so heavily on us and our relationship. I should have known that all the waiting and hoping will all bowl down to this. My brain did warn me yet like someone whose patience is as endless as the horizon, I held on despite the signs that come my way.

Love was, is and will be there. I loved you with a love that knows no bounds and reason. This I could not refute. For whatever it is that attracted me to you, made me hold on for long despite the odds and urged me to keep hoping against hope is that which makes me end it at this moment. You have been by far the most intriguing, enigmatic and tender man I have ever met. I revel in your uniqueness and marvel at your strength.

We have grown. People grow but some of them drift apart when they do. Yes, we have grown and our difference in perspectives are witnesses to that growth. This may mean that we could no longer fix a flat together. (I don't find it as creative as when I did it the first time with you seven years back.) Our roads have diverged and so did our goals. I know they will create a cosmic chaos but the whole cosmos will continue to exist despite our nonexistence (together).

I have no regrets. There will no longer be "us" and the word "together" will be replaced by "me, myself and I." Though my heart bleeds each time a memory rustles in the wind, I keep my resolve to be strong for myself. I have to or this separation will take its toll on me. Good memories make me cry while the bad ones make me laugh. An irony of sorts but true. You know I have this thing with memory. When you do see me each time, pretending to not know nor notice you, take heart, I'm merely trying my best to not recall everything. I am no masochist.

You will always be a special part of me. No one else could have made me this strong and courageous as you did. I have you to thank for. Even when I do all means of taking you out of my system, it would be totally impossible. For almost half of my brain have been impregnated by your being. Although I have decided to search myself halfway through the world, I know my memories of you will remain fresh as the first time we did them.

We will move on. At this moment it might seem impossible to face what lies ahead of us (as when for years we had planned to be together for the rest of our lives), I know we will one day find ourselves loving another person and happily creating another set of memories with them. We just have to be strong, accepting this drifting apart as another part of our growth.

We will see each other again. Yes, I am very much certain of this. I know we will be wearing the same old faces and will be talking about the places we've been. You might come along with your wife and I with my husband and children. I hope we would sport those smiles and casual "hellos", as if nothing has ever happened between us.

Yes, tonight I have written the saddest lines and my life had never been the same since.