Memoirs of an Amnesiac

Like a movie flick, two entities meet. The lover and her beloved. Their love story was that of any typical relationships: the lover meets her beloved and just as any well-orchestrated plot, their relationship was never the same again after that.

But wait, I'm just not going to let you in my carefully shrouded, privately veiled love life (as though there ever is one). I'm just going to usher you into my addiction of the internet and my deeply laid plans to finally rehabilitate myself.

Like all love affairs, mine had a very unusual beginning. It wasn't like something like love-at-first-sight thing but it is for sure like love at the first click. I never really applied for an internet connection. I knew very well that when I do, I would be so addicted to it. This, I was certain when I would log in for hours. (Back then I still had a dial up connection.) But when I finally got the access to it, the internet and I were inseparable. Like Romeo and Juliet, and their it's-you-and-me-against-the-world tragic love, we never let anyone stand in between us.

I love just the way the internet has made my life easier, like a real human boy friend, always supporting me each day. I could search and find answers to questions that bug me each moment. When I feel like getting all bored and melodramatic, it is there to serenade and entertain me. When I have no one to talk to, it offers its pages for me to write on. It probably knows full well that apart from my need to be heard, is this need to be read and to express myself. When I am with the internet, I need not fuss over how I appear because I just need to have hands so steady to type and eyes that would never turn red nor get tired from too much staring. My room is always our dating place. So intimate, so special. There is no need to spend on gas nor on food. We could watch movies for hours and it would be beside me, ready to share thoughts with me (though its reply is not as immediate as a human counterpart).

However, it is true in real life as well as in the virtual world that anything in excess is no longer good. Times there were that I had to sacrifice my sleeping time, therefore disrupting my body's circadian rhythm (in an effort to be medical sounding, thanks to GOOGLE). Because of my fascination and this deep urge to really get to know it more. To discover and probe its deepest being, I would often catch myself sleeping just four to five hours each day. Consequentially, my work was jeopardized. I couldn't work well for lack of sleep. There was always this great urge to go home and open my laptop and surf the internet. I then resort to coffee. Yet the internet itself taught me that too much caffeine intake is not good.

Sad as it may appear, I decided to just laylow on my dates with the internet. More than anything else in the world, I need to stay fit so that I could still meet up with the internet. (And I know for sure that the internet would not allow me to be indisposed. It very well loved my presence and would miss me badly, too.)

Someday, when I'll finally be sober from all this seemingly addictive attachment to the internet, I could probably learn to let it go.

As for now, I will just give our relationship a cool-off. We could settle things out, iron out differences and decide on a more compromising option. Break up might be inevitable.

For now, I will be content on just spending a few minutes with it. Besides, I still have a long way to go with it and next month is already our first year anniversary...