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MANILA | 8 MAY 2025
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I've been going back and forth trying to write this article as decently as I could, and then I realized I just didn't know how to. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to "surviving a breakup." Whatever that means.
Behind the slightest effort of "trying to be okay" will be a resounding, unavoidable feeling of failure and guilt. Whether it be lines in your head that loudly echo "what went wrong?," "I was such a jerk" or even the classic "Just one more chance was all I really needed," you will always end up hurting and bleeding inside. No amount of pep talk from your relationship-experienced friends will ever amount to anything.
Why?
Because it was real. What you had was genuine. What you had was legit.
Imagine being exposed to something so beautiful, so refreshingly promising and so delightfully reassuring, only to have it taken away from you in the end.
Kind of like being exposed only to dirty ice cream all your life, then getting the chance to savor Nutella-flavored gelato ice cream for the very first time, and then finding out you will never ever have the chance to taste it again.
What gives? Bitin kaayo nga di ka kasabot.
If it's true love, I don't think anybody ever survives a breakup. If a relationship was ever really passionate, or ever really intense, or raw, or deep, I don't think it's possible to just simply "move on," or "move forward." Screw people who say there's plenty of fish in the ocean, and ignore people who say that you'll be fine. Because you won't be.
All of those food trips spent in Siomai sa Tisa, Silogan ni Gian, and even at that Lapu-Lapu terminal that serves really good Ginabot, how can you just forget about them so easily? Are you supposed to stop dining there, all in the hopes of erasing painful memories? And how about your ex's family members you've learned to love so dearly, how do you treat them now, what will happen next? Do you just start ignoring them, too?
You have now become a product of so many experiences and emotions, and getting rid of all of them will definitely be impossible, if not difficult.
So many people say it's okay to be broken because your destined soulmate will one day be there to make things better for you, and fix your heart. As OA (over-acting) and as bidli as it may sound, I disagree. That's not how it's supposed to work.
You are a complete and absolute human being on your own. Therefore, you recuperate, and rise on you own terms, by your own will--and only then will you realize that while it is true a part of us will yearn for lovers, we are, by our own singularity, what makes us complete.
I think it is unsound for us to jump into a relationship thinking only another soul can fill the emptiness in us.
All of those memories together as a couple, all that you've ever been as a team and as lovers, that's who you've become. You are literally the other half of a once-functioning tandem. So how do you survive that? How do you go on in life knowing a part of who you are is drifting away?
The truth is you don't survive a break up. You die. At least inside. Like a sinking ship, you go down with it. You lose your breath.
Only when you acknowledge that that part of you is dead now, will the willingness to live again be there. So choose to live. It won't be an easy choice, but it's a choice you'll have to make. Allow your heart to go through some creepy resurrection after being beaten to death.
At the end of the day, maybe all the things people say about acceptance really is true when your heart is broken, but I don't know. Although it's not a guarantee, give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe the next time around, you will get lucky and it just might work out.
Bjorn Tabanera
Contributor - Lifestyle
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