Memoirs of an Amnesiac

They say we spend the first thirty years of our lives making important decisions and the next thirty years living up to the consequences of those decisions. I begin to think and reassess the life that I live now. Have I made really important decisions and what consequences are in store for me?

I have trudged on the path less travelled by. I do hope I made a difference. Well, it has been quite lonely sometimes but there are a lot of realizations along the way. I still have not achieved my childhood dreams of settling with someone whom I will love and serve the rest of my life, having children with that person and fulfilling my other wishes. But I have made significant differences (I hope) in other people’s lives. They’re not that big but at least I made a difference.

I strive to wake up each day with a fresh start, no matter how much gloomy the weather can be or how tough my administrators tend to be. I hold on to people whom I gain strength and inspiration from – my family, friends and students. They are the wind beneath my wings. Without them, I wouldn’t have survived most of the calamities that came through my life: the loss of a parent, the betrayal of a lover and the despair of not having one’s dreams come true.

I am what I am now, less my childhood illusions. I have come to terms with what truly matters in life – my relationships. I believe there is no limit to what I can achieve and become (except those I have no control with). I have self respect and a sense of dignity for the profession that I would be willing to sacrifice my whole life with.

I am not perfect although all my energies are poured into being one. I try not to deal with difficult people now, having fully understood that like coffee, we all come in different mixes. I have a sense of understanding that is encompassing (compared to how I was some years ago).

I love everything about life – its many imperfections: the tree trunk that the mushrooms have dwelt on, the anthill that reminds me so much about working hard to achieve something or to get somewhere, those dead leaves that will soon decay make me ponder about the shortness of life and how we must strive to etch our own significance in the soonest time possible.

I have made important decisions in my life. I would be glad to live the next thirty years of my life enjoying their consequences.