this won't really work unless specifics are laid out... even if we are to make a correct guess, would you actually admit it as the truth...?
I have been married 10 years, have 4 kids, married at age 20 (she was 1
, no money to begin with, had a penchant for gimmicks and barkadas back then... even through all that i still learn things everyday, and here are some of them:
- up to about the 5th year, it's still a tug-of-war between you and your spouse. who gets to do what, and how far, are set during this period. it's the drawing of "territorial lines" in the marriage.
- within those years, you must learn to keep your end of the bargain, help out in the house, hekp out with the kids, and generally see each other as equals who each have a role in the marriage.
- breaking up, or divorce, or even "cooling off" are to be TABOO and never should become an option, if you want your marriage to work.
- things will get worse before they get better
- don't ever believe those hollywood "chick flicks" where people and situations end up perfectly
- your kid/s are the first priority, and they always TRUMP your petty arguments, fights, etc...
- do not ever make big decisions when you are angry, sad, or depressed.
- know your spouse's friends, and try to keep them close
- women have non-verbal ways to communicate their satisfaction or dissatisfaction with their husband. if your husband does not heed these signs at your stage of marriage, you must try and go back to being more verbal and straight to the point with him. do not beat around the bush or make him try to guess what you want, this can be exasperating at times.
- men are simple minded, and still work with their primal instincts. feed him when he's hungry, love him when he comes to you, flatter him a bit, take care of his kids, etc... its mostly common sense.
- find out what he is getting from his barkada that he is not getting from you... is it the conversation? do they play billiards? do they watch movies? do they like drinking? once you have identified his need for a barkada, you might try to fill a little of it, to move the focus from them to you... e.g. converse more with him, mybe get into billiards as a hobby too, drink with your husband at home (this can lead to a great night of lovin'... hehehe)
- "don't let the sun set on your fight" meaning, finish the fight on the same day, and if need be, apologize (even if it wasnt your fault, it still takes two to tango...) then discuss what happened later on, when your heads have cooled... explain to him in detail why you got mad... you'd be surprised that the biggest fights are based on the tiniest of misunderstandings, which by the time the fight escalates, both of you would already have forgotten...
- do not pull out "ghosts of the past" as ammunition when you argue or fight with him, and ask him to do the same. what's in the past stays in the past, and what's been forgiven should be written off the books. (unless it's a repeat offense)
- keep you man happy in bed, and be creative with your *** life. this is one of the major causes of men taking on mistresses... but if YOU become his wife AND mistress and ***-kitten, he may try others, but none will come close to YOU, and every illicit encounter on the side will just solidify that point in his head.
- Refrain from nagging too much... men can be thick at times, but nagging is one sure way of driving your man out of the house... use other forms of reminding him... e.g. a love note with a p.s. reminder, include your reminder in sweet whisperings, or lead him to remember by using suggestions, etc...
- Thank him once in a while for being the man of the house, for loving your kid, for being so kind, for remembering to do something, etc... the small stuff count a lot.
- pray with him.
- hold his hand
- embrace him when you can
- have group hugs with your kid and spouse
- go on romantic dates with him
- dance with him
- let him catch you looking at him with a sparkle in your eye
- never forget why you fell in love with him
- do not ever arouse his jealousy just to feed your ego
- do not make a big deal out of other men who look at you or try to talk to you. this will reflect as you being flirtatious
- flirt with your husband
- try to go into a hobby with him, and let him lead you into it. a man's ego can never be fed enough, and you feeding it will only impact your marriage in a positive way...
- apart from all that i have said above, DO NOT LET HIM STEP ON YOU. you are equals, and must remain such for your relationship to grow.
- talk to him in a quiet place (e.g. bedroom) and expose your wants, your fears, your dreams with him...
- take out of town trips with your man, and pack a lot of alcohol (and weed if possible), i personally prefer cheap champagne... go to a secluded resort, where the two of you can be like boyfriend/girlfriend again... do not bring up any problems or cares, just enjoy the moment... this will greatly recharge his and your love batteries... try to make this a quarterly thing...
Well, that's about all i can type for now... kapoy na kaayo... but let me part with this:
I have cheated on my wife in the worst possible way. She has punched and kicked me in the head during our fights. I have put a gun to my head as a last resort to stop a fight (of course i wasnt gonna pull the trigger...!). I have been kicked out of the house to live in an apartment for three months. I have destroyed 2 video cameras, one stereo system, two lamps, 2 mobile phones, 1 pager, and many others during our fights. We have done so many things that I cannot even write here for fear of persecution...
Through it all, I love her, and her only. I want to grow old with her, and cannot imagine my life without her... she is the rock that anchors me in the storm, the pillow i weep on during times of hardship, the mistress that spices up my nights, the lighthouse that my kids look upon for direction, the mother that takes care of me when i am sick, the "Lady Ganja" that bakes me my weed brownies and reminds me when my stash is almost depleted, and best of all, she is my best friend.
'coz im having problems with my marriage.
Tips for being a great wife
Originally Posted by weedmeister2
this won't really work unless specifics are laid out... even if we are to make a correct guess, would you actually admit it as the truth...?
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