Best jokes ever..

[hox aka ryan]

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si DAKO, nag sulat sa ilang tatay:

Dear Tatay,
padalhi mi dire ug usa ka sako'ng
bugas ug lima ka dosena'ng itlog..

imong anak,
DAKO


pagka human, iyang gisugo iyang manghod
nga si GAMAY nga ipadala ang sulat.. unya
nadagma si GAMAY ug na gisi2x ang sulat.
iya na lang gi sumpay2x ug gibutangan ug
scotch tape...
pag basa sa ilang TATAY.....:


Dear Bugas..,
padalhi mi dire ug usa ka sako'ng
Tatay ug lima ka dosena'ng anak..

imong itlog,
DAKO



ehehehehehe!

[brilumz]

Pahak ug Bungi nanikop ug kasag sa baybayon..nya..nakakita ug kasag ang Bungi

Bungi: Hakpa! Hakpa! Hakpa!
Pahak: Unsa to ngi? usba ra ?
Bungi: Hakpa! Hakpa! Hakpa!
Pahak: Animal..nakaminos ka nako ngi?
Bungi: Hakpa! Hakpa! Hakpa!
Pahak: Ikaw nag una2 hap! Ngibu! Ngibu!Ngibu!

[jd_iceblizzard]

Titser: Juan, asa man imong assignment sa Math?

Juan: Naghikog mam! Tungog sa kadaghang problema!

[four23]

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years.
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets
on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably
spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants ***, don’t resist, don’t complain.
Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you.
This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both.
Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told
me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him
it was in the bathroom.
Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

[janvier]

a "call girl" approached a priest..

Cg: Sir!, gusto kag chicks short time?

P: Young woman, i am on my way to officiate a mass. I am a priest.

Cg: Oh, i am very sorry father. I never knew. Pero kung gusto ka, tagaan tkag discount.

The priest slowly walked away thought to himself..

"pagkadaotan na gayud sa kalibutan karon. Wala na silay respitar bisan sa pari man lang. Dapat unta, libre na lang.."

hahaha

happy ka eh!!!

[**JLee**]

Titser: Juan, asa man imong assignment sa Math?

Juan: Naghikog mam! Tungog sa kadaghang problema!

AHAHAHA! pwedi i.apply ?

AHAHHAA!

[jd_iceblizzard]

Sa police station...

Pulis: Unsay hitsura sa suspek?

Saksi: Naka-orange sir, ug yellow ang buhok.

Artist: (Nag-sketch) Sir, di nato ni madakpan...

Pulis: Ha? ngano man?

Artist: Yellow ug buhok, naka-orange... Kung di ni si Naruto, si Son Goku!

[**JLee**]

FATHER and SON Convo:

Father: kamaayo na jud mu drawing sa akong anak oyy. nndot kaayo mu drawing ug ungooy !
Son : HEHHEHE! dili mana ungooy pa.. ikaw mana !

PAKYASA !

[cebu_doki]

FUNNY LESSON.....
A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a
meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder
lamp.They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to
be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff,
and he Was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35 pm."
*MORAL OF THE STORY IS: " ALWAYS ALLOW THE BOSSES TO SPEAK FIRST"*

The best joke award
This is a "best joke" award winner in UK. One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."
The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese".
"Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."
The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
This particular joke won an award for the best joke in a competition in Britain.


Usa ka buang nagkantakanta samtang natulog sa kama sa mental hospital….
Human mokanta cya nikulob ug nikanta pag usab..
Nurse: Gary, ngano nikulob man ka?
Gary: Aw saman diay Side B na gud! Ngek!!!
-----------------------------------
Bungi gitahi sa Doctor ang baba nya gitistingan pa pronounce…..
Doktor: Cge daw beh sulti ug LUZON, VISAYAS, MINDANAO
Bungi: LUZO, VISONG, GILANGAW…Aguuy mitamot mani, muang ka noctora ka


Tell me your name and I'll tell you your mom's obsessions !!
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young
mothers and their small children. 'You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating.You've even named your daughter Candy.
'He turned to the second mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money.Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol.This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy
'At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's go pick up Peter and Willy from school and go get dinner.

[lhorenzoo]

joke time