Depression/Suicide survivor support group

[chinody]

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Murag angay ni himoan ug grupo kai importante ni na problem.

[wagaca]

we have pinoy support group here in the philippines. please join depression fighters philppines in yahoogroups if you are clinically depressed. name ko didto kay cyril. mga pinoy pd na sila. nkajoin nako sa ila eb pro dri sa manila. kasagaran na sila taga manila. pro dghan na sila members pd na tga visayas ug mindanao.

[alterego]

i used to have this tendency 3 years back, post-highshool. i felt like i was really at my worst that time, everything just...flunked. there was a time nga i entertained the thought nga i want to quit na. everthing nga makit-an nako, naa na koy ngil-ad na ma think...blade, cutter, medicine tablets, electrical wire...

then, i just realized nga it would make me a loser if mu quit ko. those who have inflicted pain on me wouldn't give a damn anyway kung mamatay ko, which would make it more humiliating on my part.

so with that, i motivated myself with hatred to push myself harder...i decided myself to pursue a constructive revenge - which is good by nature, through improving one's self to escape the victim's role.
day by day, i always said to myself nga 'makabaws' ra ko nila...through self-improvement. years went by, and i have seen myself a lot better than before. naa na koy stable job ron with high pay despite my educational bkcground (transferred school twice bfore, got mostly flat 5 grades...ga latagaw gyud ko ato nga time). and im still pursuing this; im planning nga mu skul balik para naa koy klaro nga educ. bckground para maka work ko aboad. i want myself to be better...to escape the pain i have once sustained.


it felt soo good when a time came nga katong nidaug2 nako sauna kay gi atake sa kasing2, then na stroke na siya permanently. nahimo na siyang inutil, bigtime. that arrogant bastard once i knew has turned into a weakling, full of regrets and financially broke. niabot gyud iyang karma.

there was a time nga nagkita mi when i went to their house with my aunt, and niduol siya nako...ga wheelchair, and he was blabbing like asking for forgiveness. i couldnt understand him kay naapektuhan man iyang speech sa stroke. i NEVER felt pity on him maski gamay, bisag ga hilak2 na siya nako, i simply gave him a sarcastic smile, and slowly pulled my arm off his hand out of kalagot nga magtan-aw sa iya as a whole or the thought nga duol ming duha, i despise him much (ala langko paklaro kay naa raba akong mga relatives ato, ngil-ad man sab kung mag nginil-ad kos pananaw nila). i just want to see him rot to the ground, ug dili na gyud mawagtang akong dumot nya bisag mamatay nana siya. ihave lost contact on him now since i live in a different city na, magkita ra tingali mi sunod ig haya niya.


though i may have made myself better now...i admit, im still depressed. money alone doesn't make me happy. i felt empty and lost sometimes. i still want to hold on to my revenge, because its the only reason for me to live till now, the sole thing that keeps me going. but everything's getting tiresome, really. murag pirmi nalang drained akong lawas.

this path im taking now is too arduous, mirthless and lonely for me, but i've decided not to quit. i will endure this, i told myself, bisag magkaunsa pa.


i hope i could join you guys if naa moy group2.

[MoonGlow]

I feel so low that I am considering suicide. Wala lang ko kasabot, pero I am not interested anymore in moving on. But I would like to seek help if naa mo support group diri.

[Stargirl]

I feel so low that I am considering suicide. Wala lang ko kasabot, pero I am not interested anymore in moving on. But I would like to seek help if naa mo support group diri.

Hi. Musta na ka? Please don't hurt yourself. Please message me if you need to talk to someone.

Murag angay ni himoan ug grupo kai importante ni na problem.

Sakto jud ka. Naa naman unta plano mag-meet sauna, but after the plan was proposed, people expressed their desire to remain anonymous. O_o

Pero ako, willing gihapon ko makig-meet if naay ganahan....

[farmboy]

what does it feel to actually pull the trigger of a gun on my head?

yes, i did it first time a few years ago. i was sweating profusely, it took a very very long time holding the muzzle of the gun on my temple.. so it seemed. i was so focused i could only feel my breathing and nothing else outside of me. then i closed my eyes, and random scenes of my life flashed before me.. seemingly like a script, all of them eventually converging on all my pains and failures in life.. then i closed my eyes and pulled the trigger.

all i heard was a metallic click, nothing happened, the gun did not go off. by then i was so drenched in sweat i seemed like taking a bath on my bed. i was cold.

there was some sort of awareness.. there seemed a reason why the gun did not go off. i put the gun away..

a few months later, i tried the same bullet, and this time it went off. oh gosh..

NOW.. i feel the same strange coldness again, right this very moment i am typing this.

but i promised never to do it again. however, circumstances and events in my life seem to pull me towards the brink everytime. honestly, i hang on to life.. to love. but i am just pushed back..

oh i feel so cold now.

[Stargirl]

what does it feel to actually pull the trigger of a gun on my head?

yes, i did it first time a few years ago. i was sweating profusely, it took a very very long time holding the muzzle of the gun on my temple.. so it seemed. i was so focused i could only feel my breathing and nothing else outside of me. then i closed my eyes, and random scenes of my life flashed before me.. seemingly like a script, all of them eventually converging on all my pains and failures in life.. then i closed my eyes and pulled the trigger.

all i heard was a metallic click, nothing happened, the gun did not go off. by then i was so drenched in sweat i seemed like taking a bath on my bed. i was cold.

there was some sort of awareness.. there seemed a reason why the gun did not go off. i put the gun away..

a few months later, i tried the same bullet, and this time it went off. oh gosh..

NOW.. i feel the same strange coldness again, right this very moment i am typing this.

but i promised never to do it again. however, circumstances and events in my life seem to pull me towards the brink everytime. honestly, i hang on to life.. to love. but i am just pushed back..

oh i feel so cold now.

Are you okay? Or is this fiction? Because if this is for real, please stay safe. Call someone!

Guys, favor. If you're going to post things like this, please put a trigger warning. Because things like this can really send some people into depression. Worse if the person is susceptible to suicidal thoughts.

You can write:

MIGHT TRIGGER
TRIGGER WARNING: depression, suicide, self-harm (this is indicating the specific things that your post may trigger)
TRIGGER

Thank you!

And if anyone needs to talk, you can message me here or through YM (denistargirl).

Stay safe everyone!

[farmboy]

I am sorry I sounded like fiction to you maam, but hell I am not!

This is a subject matter that I treat very very seriously.

[Stargirl]

I am sorry I sounded like fiction to you maam, but hell I am not!

This is a subject matter that I treat very very seriously.

That's why I asked if it's real or not. I wasn't trying to be insensitive. I know how it is to want to die.

Please call someone lagi. You don't have to die.

Unsa imong number? Please. I'll try to help you if I can.

Guys, kinsa kaila ni farmboy?! We need to help him!!!

[xtianubec]

I am sorry I sounded like fiction to you maam, but hell I am not!

This is a subject matter that I treat very very seriously.

oi fellow only child...
ayaw ana bai...
na unsa man diay ka?