just for laugh

[lomhanz]

---

Subject : Bill Gates recruits a new CEO for Microsoft Europe

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new CEO for
Microsoft Europe.

Exactly 5,000 candidates assembled in a large room. One candidate is
MARIO DIMACULANGAN.

Bill Gates: Thank you for coming. Those who do not know JAVA may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

MARIO says to himself, 'I do not know JAVA but I have nothing to lose if
I stay. I'll give it a try'

Bill Gates: Candidates who never had experience in managing more than
500 people may leave.

2,000 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself ' I never managed anybody but myself, but I have
nothing to lose if I stay. What can happen to me?' So he stays.

Bill Gates: Candidates who do not have management diplomas may leave.

500 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, 'I left high school at 15 but what have I got to
lose?' So he stays in the room.

Lastly, Bill Gates asked the candidates who do not speak Serbo - Croat
to leave.

498 people leave the room.

Mario says to himself, ' I do not speak one word of Serbo - Croat but
what do I have to lose?' So he stays and finds himself with one other
candidate. Everyone else has gone.

Bill Gates joined them and said 'Apparently you are the only two
candidates who speak Serbo - Croat, so I'd now like to hear you have a
conversation together in that language.'

Calmly, Mario turns to the other candidate and says `Ano ba yan, dong?'

The other candidate answers 'Ewan ko, pare.'
---

[mom]

ang pinoy gyud no? funny. hehehehe....

[mom]

The Bathtub Test

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director how do
you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a
teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty
the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the
bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want
a bed near the window?"

[mom]

Train

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you bastards who want off, get the **** off now, cause we're in a hurry! And all of you bastards who are getting on, get the **** on, cause we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat.
Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added... "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat bitch in the kitchen."

[mom]

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little:


Once upon a time in a land far away,
a beautiful, independent,
self-assured princess
happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however,
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that I am
and then, my sweet, we can marry
and set up housekeeping in your castle
with my mother,
where you can prepare my meals,
clean my clothes, bear my children,
and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so. "
~~~~~~~~
That night,
as the princess dined sumptuously
on lightly sauteed frog legs
seasoned in a white wine
and onion cream sauce,
she chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't F****ing think so .

[mom]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at
a nearby table.



My wife asked, "Do you know her? "



"Yes," I sighed. "She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."



"My word!" said my wife. "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"



So you see, there really are two ways to look at everything!

[LaBelleza]

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.


When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in
heaven: don't step on the ducks!"

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the
place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although
they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps
on one.


Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.


St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping
on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"


The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another
extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment
as for the first woman.


The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she
steps.


She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day
St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid
eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.



St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.


The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to
you for all of eternity?"


The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"

[Swordslave]

On a busy day at a five star restaurant, a panda comes in, sits in the center of the establishment and orders a 3-meal course.

Even though the events were strange, the manager told the waiter to take his orders. Once the meals has arrived, the panda ate silently. After eating all of the food, he stands up, pull up a gun and starts shooting around the table. Once the gun has been emptied, the panda starts to leave the restaurant.

Enraged, the manager confronts the panda.

"What do you think you're doing," asked the manager.

"I'm a panda. Look it up," says the panda while not stopping towards the door.

The manager couldn't believe what happened but still pulled up the nearest dictionary and read:

Panda (noun): A distant relative of the Bear. An endangered specie found in China. Its most identifying characteristics is its black and white fur. Eats shoots and leaves.

[kugtong]

pyter!! hehehe

[mom]

hehehehe...funny. thanks LaBelleza and Swordslave.