I don't know who wrote this one... it's just forwarded to me... (might be too long for you all to read... forgive me!
) :P
ANOTHER OUANO FOR MAYOR? OH NO, NOT AGAIN!
Junk(ie) Ouano, an odd but meaningful name. My Thesaurus book says
that's the correct way to spell your name. An eerie coincidence comes
to mind because of that name's synonymity or close association with
the word shabu pusher – no I mean shabu user. So, Junk(ie), you want
to be Mandaue's next mayor. You want to follow in the footsteps of
your grandfather and father? Things must be real bad at home. Why else
should you be pressured to run. Is there really a need to prove your
masculinity or rather adeptness in the art of plunder? If none of the
above, then my question to you is a simple but big WHY? Did you get
it? I'll say it once more: WHY?
What, in hell's name, have you accomplished to deserve the mayorship?
In your opulent and luxurious young life you were clothed, feed,
educated, lavished with worldly things – all paid for from plundered
wealth. So, why run the gamut of a tiring campaign? For prestige? Oh,
now I see (pardon my shortsightedness), it is because you have those
vaunted millions amassed during Thadeo's 8 years as City mayor; and
you're running for mayor to redeem the tarnished Ouano name. What a
magnanimous gesture! Then go for it kido!
But I'll bet you are different, very much different from the other two
stooges - you're not only younger; you're also more beautiful – if you
know what I mean. I will bet further, that before you decided to run
in this election, you went around and all over Mandaue City - every
nook and cranny (including the public market place) - to look at the
conditions of the Town and its people. Of course, you Junk(ie), were
outraged by what you saw. After seeing poor Manduehanons worked hard
to make ends meet; after seeing the squalor in which they live and
sleep, that you were encouraged to run to alleviate the lives and
living conditions of Mandaue's needy.
It was at this juncture that you, stamped your feet so hard that the
ground shook causing a tremor that was felt for miles across town. You
raised your head up to the heavens, and with your stentorian voice
yelled at the top of your voice: "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! This poor,
hard-working bastards have suffered so much for the last eighteen (1
years under the last two Ouano mayors! ENOUGH ALREADY!
WOW! What a show! Very impressive! You, truly are much different from
the other two Ouano stooges. You have shown such honest and deep
concern for the City of Mandaue and its poor townspeople. You surely
will win over the votes and affection of all decent Mandauehanons. You
do not have to flaunt your millions to win – not to even spend a cent
for all those Barrio Captains, in return for their pledge of loyalty.
Your winning is assured!
There's just some little things that you should do.
You should disavow the petty cheats to the bigger financial scandals
committed by your 1st predecessor, i.e., the overpricing of wreaths in
the name of municipal officials and donated for the dead. You have to
explain to the people of Mandaue, that at the time of the Public Works
scandal that emerged in connection with the project to improve the
national road north of Mandaue, and in which then mayor Alfredo Ouano,
was involved, you were still a young stooge and knew nothing about it.
You should disavow any knowledge of involvement by your brother in the
Shabu Laboratory, that happened to be in a property owned by your
father-mayor, Thadeo Ouano. You have to explain why Alfie's car was
always seen parked in the very building where Shabu drugs were being
manufactured. You have to deny any rumors that part of the money from
the sale of Shabu, was being funneled to the family coffers.
You have to feign ignorance over the whereabouts of the insurance
proceeds, some P50 million, received by the City mayor, after the
public market burned down. Also, you have to dispel any rumors that
the arson was planned and carried out with the blessing of the City
mayor.
You cannot deny this, because this is widely known all over Cebu, but
at least you can denounce the perpetrator and his "jer-jering
activities. Did I hear anything? I thought I heard you mumble
something. Anyway, where was all the family outrage – to this evil
and immoral act – when needed? This must be one of those times where
"Silence is Golden," was aptly observed.
You have to emphasize, when explaining to the people of Mandaue, that
you had absolutely nothing to do with over-pricing the cost of
lampposts that were purchased for the 12th Asian Conference held in
Mandaue. You have to explain in detail, since you are privy to all
these information, that it is true that the lamppost was purchased at
a cost of P11,000 each (installed), but that Thadeo Ouano, who was
the mayor at that time approved the cost for installing these lamppost
at P350,000 each. Better still, why not show the voters the percentage
(that each received), between the mayor and 7 City Engineer employees
involved.
Not privy to all this information? BULL! When your father received his
suspension notice, he instructed his people to barricade the Municipal
Hall to prevent a take-over by righteous people. Actually, the
barricade was meant to buy time to give the
suspended-on-his-way-out-mayor, the opportunity to wrap-up and move
all damning documents from his (mayor's) office. Those incriminating
evidence are now secured in the Ouano family home or hiding place. All
you have to do is gather all over-pricing information that you
disclaim as not being a part of, and show or explain the details to
the voters you meet during your campaign.
Junk(ie), you have to remember that to win this election, you have to
do all the above and one thing more: As you greet each voter and shake
their hands for support, you have to look each one straight in their
eyes and contritely say that you're sorry that you have ABETTED all
these acts of corruption and plunder committed by your predecessors –
Alfredo and Thadeo – for the last eighteen (1
very long years. That
although an abettor, you are not as guilty as they are.
You have to explain that you absolutely do not have anything to do
with investing in Jollibee franchises (did you say 3 in all?), that
were bought at P25 million each by your family from plundered wealth.
When explaining be sure not to mention the rents from off-shore
properties.
Tell the voters that you do not feel good that your father Thadeo,
relegated the statue of Mandaue's most prestigious person, named
Sotero Cabahug, to an obscure place of the public library, because he
gets the "jitters" everytime he stares at it. That he cannot bear the
thought of being constantly reminded that he can never in his sordid
lifetime, attain the same stature of the "Man." Thadeo, in sober
moments must have thought that now with all his plundered millions, he
can stack them upwards and stand at the very top of the heap. This way
he can stand taller than Mano Terong. Ha! Millions! Really! What a
"dork."
Junk(ie), for your information, in case you didn't know the "Man," he
was the epitome of greatness, yet in life remained a simple and
humble Mandauehanon. He was straightly honest and held the public
trust in high regard and respect. These were qualities that Thadeo
Ouano, your father couldn't stand but envied.
Tell the voters that Thadeo Ouano's vanity is an embarrassment to you
because he flaunts pictures of his face all over the City, so decent
Mandauehanons, who might not have had the opportunity to see him up
close will know him. Also, weeellll, (and this is the icing in the
cake), they now can see for real how a corruptor and plunderer looks
like. Remember, the only plunderers the voters of Mandaue, were
familiar with - before Thadeo - were ERAP and Marcos, these from TV,
radio and the newspapers.
Finally, Junk(ie), you should tell your father, Thadeo Ouano that when
he was the sitting mayor, he should have hired a marketing
professional to advertise his name. Using TEDMAN, on the backshirts of
his peons was really sleazy and in bad taste.
Now, don't you even think about it! Junkie-man, on backshirts won't
fare well either.
I AM A MANDAUEHANON AND PROUD OF IT.
I was born and nurtured in a part of the Town, where children are
schooled and reared by parents in a culture of strict discipline, good
manners, fairness, respect for others, honesty and hard-work. I am
proud of Mandaue's rich heritage. I am equally proud to be one of the
inheritors to the town's glorious past . . . and the great men who
gave Mandaue, a name envied by other municipalities, but I fear I
might be made hostage to an uncertain future if another Ouano becomes
the City's mayor. After 18 years of smearing its (Mandaue's), name by
Alfred and Teddy, how much more tarnishing can be done by a Junk(ie)?
SO HELP ME GOD!