Wala naba koy love sa akong wife?

[PaYaSo]

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why not go to a marriage counselor. in this case you need to have a third party who will find out what the real problem is. perhaps you'll join an organization in the church for couples.

somehow kinahanglan ka makakita sa problema sa ubn for you to know that there are other people having greater problem that you are having now.

[Echelnalf]

Mo inoM ba imo wife TS? Basin daghan na kaayo na og suLod iya huna2x pero waLa lang ka gawas. Pag shot2x daw mo. Mo sturya na gani og sugod, paminaw lang pud maayo ha. It would be her time to shine.

[rsuna1010]

why not go to a marriage counselor. in this case you need to have a third party who will find out what the real problem is. perhaps you'll join an organization in the church for couples.

somehow kinahanglan ka makakita sa problema sa ubn for you to know that there are other people having greater problem that you are having now.

Mao cguro sd ni result ta sa shorcut bro... normally before sa marriage mo undergo mn gyud unta ug counselling but sad to say we haven't undergone any of those.. Nibayad rami sa tann processes then schedule na..

Pero hopefully if naa chance will try counselling.. Medyo dili lng sa kron ky feel nko ako rmn ang na problema.. sa iyaha mura wla rman..

Mo inoM ba imo wife TS? Basin daghan na kaayo na og suLod iya huna2x pero waLa lang ka gawas. Pag shot2x daw mo. Mo sturya na gani og sugod, paminaw lang pud maayo ha. It would be her time to shine.

Dili bro.. wala gyud ni kasuway ug inom2 mga hard liquor.. Maski sauna banda pko dili mn cya moduol sa amo table ky makiikog cya ky dili mn cya moinom..

[silahis]

your wife is like akong mama, ts. dili expressive. igo ra tando most of the time kung unsa akong isulti sauna. and i never liked it.
it seemed like she's being less of a 'mama' to me; she behaves more like my yaya/helper. she's acting not like a human being at all. sorry for being blunt, but mao jud ni akong gibati sa iya. it was very frustrating back then.

i really want to hear her opinion, even if conflicting sa akoa i would appreciate it. i want her to get mad at me, slap me in the face if i hurt her feelings, to correct me if sayop ko, to be open sa iyang thoughts sa akoa.

but until now, she hasn't changed miskan i'm living on my own na. i dunno if na-intimidate siya nako or naa siyay self-esteem issues.
she's a helpless case, so i dropped it long ago. i've accepted who she is. wa koy mahimo.

but nevertheless, i really appreciate what she does for me until now miskan i label her as 'mediocre'.
i get mad at her for being like that, but then ma guilty ko pag.ayo ky she's genuinely a good person.
very supportive mother. she even told me once before nga she could tell if i'm having a hard time but ga agad ra daw cya nako nga mu open up ko nya. she highly respects my privacy. she's not the type who'd initiate and ask if there's something wrong or unsa.

makaingon ko most of the time nga she really doesn't deserve a son like me. opposite mig batasan, it's because i felt before like i have to stand on my own ky i see her as 'fragile'. i have to be strong for her, for myself.
naa pd koy pagka.selfish sama nimo, ts. me pgka.praktikal mo manghuna2. di jd ko ingon nga very selfless type.


like what others have suggested na, talk to her about it. if nag.talk na mo, how was it?


it's either ingana lng jud na nga klase sa pagkataw imong wife or she has deep-seated 'issues' that she prefers not to divulge to anyone, including you. but these issues are not necessarily about nimo ha.

have you checked her history? how was she before mo nagminyo/nagkauyab? nagka.storya mo aning mga butanga? because this is how i began to somehow understand akong mama... and perhaps it might work sa imo as well.

[rsuna1010]

@silahis ...

I tried to talk to her just few days ago.. and guess what.. Your story is the most complete and closest one I ever heard bro ..

I tried to comfront her.. then the rest of how I started my story loops back. She did it again..
..no comment, didn't talk back, didn't talk on how I feel about her.. she just said "Wla mn ko khibaw unsaon nko.."

A complete opposite of what I feel,,. nisulti gyud cya nga bisan gamy or part sa mga istorya/complains nga ako gisulti niya,. wala gyud cya naghuna2 prehas sa akoang gihuna2 ..

That is why, when I read your post.. I said "wow",.. hopefully you understand how I feel right now.. coz your story was very depressing like mine..

Hopefully mka share ka giunsa nimo pag-accept ang kina-iya sa imo mother..because I would love to do that.. might as well works for me rather than leaving bcoz I have no other option for now..
Thnx

[silahis]

to call my situation with mama as 'very frustrating/disappointing/depressing' is an understatement.
i'd sound like a hypocrite if i said i've fully accepted her. i think i misspelled 'tolerance'. much more fitting. will i ever be able to take her for who she is? my honest answer would be NO.

because i cannot take that type of person, regardless if family siya nako or dili. taw nga way identity.
i've also distanced myself from my mother for a reason, for i know i'd only end up hurting her. i've reprimanded her many times but she's not helping herself. i feel unworthy sa iyang 'love', i even told her to not mind about nko anymore and give her full attention sa akong younger bro instead.

will i regret this? no. i am aware of my choice and will stand by it. but for sure i will always bring this little guilt in me. but i also think it's for the best. mao pud ni akong paagi sa pagkondisyon sa akong self nga kung mawala siya puhon, unta it'll be less painful ky i've accustomed myself nga wala siya tupad nako.


you made me recall sa case sa akong uncle sab. tarong kau nga pagkataw, responsable. way bisyo.
nagbulag pud sila sa ako auntie ky he felt wa na cya naatiman. we didn't expect it to happen at all.
though daghan sa among relatives have treated him like an outcast na, i can totally understand where he's coming from. this couple used to be my ideal family that i'd want when i grow up, because i thought they were perfect.
but after sa break up nila, my view on marriage has changed as well.
i don't believe in its significance anymore, might as well should be obsolete. mas realistic na kog panlantaw ron.


ako masulti nimo boss is... do what makes you happy.
but this is a non-conventional gesture. conservative baya kadaghanan sa pinoy dre.
question is, are you ready for it?


note that my uncle's wife ended up very bitter and insecure... up to this date. mga late 2007 to sila gabulag.
she became horrible and i felt sad for her ky murag nagka irrational cya and wants everyone to take sympathy on her. but i must say, it's effective. persona non grata na akong uncle sa mga tapok2 sa kaparyentihan.
it greatly affected their son pd as well, ga latagaw. wa ni skul, naadik sa computer.
his mother can't even handle his tantrums. and i'm very against her spoiling my cousin before.


i'm not siding either of them ha, but i can say she must've been a terrible wife. and my cousin is a living proof.
i used to desire to have their lifestyle ky may kaya man sila. but karon? not anymore.
but still, i do hope nga maka-move on na sila ni auntie. isa ko sa mga naguol kaau sa ilang sitwasyon sauna.


now, my uncle ended up struggling but according sa labandera nga suod niya (who still works sa akong laing iyaan karon) nga malipayon ra daw siya miskan galisud na siya karon. kay nkit.an ra niya iyang gpangita. inatiman daw kaau siya sa iyang partner.


now here's the twist:
my uncle never loved his wife. he only married my auntie ky npamabdusan mn. he was even confronted sa akong lolo about it daw before cya gikasal if he's really sure to take the path. and ang partner niya nga kapuyo karon turns out to be his first love.


and my aunt has no idea about this revelation up to this date.
those who knew this side of the story prefers not to say anything about it for it'll only hurt my aunt more.
it's really sad.



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naa ko question, what did you find sa iya nga you end up being together in the first place?
are you seeing someone else now?

[rsuna1010]

@silahis
To answer first your question: "I don't know"... maybe that fits the word love that has no definition.. I mean you can define love of course but no specifics..but for sure all are good things. so maybe thats it.. but wala lng similarities preha sa imo uncle nga story ky I married her because of our love.
No 3rd party involve.

You know, naa lng time in my life when I saw something in the future that is very achievable. I tried to become more practical in a sense that I won't be harming anyone... but that time is when we already begun our journey as marriage couple. .. Ok ra unta kung ulitawo pko.. but If maayo ang resulta, kami mn gud tanan ang mo- benefit.. mao nga I need her participation.

So, dili ko kapugong sa akong kaugalingon to think of better things and plans, unfortunately I consider her as babag ky (though dili cya mo pugong or mo-complain), dili mn cya mo tabang ug huna2 unsa pa gyud ang mas maau.. It seems supportive, but still annoying..

If dili maau ang resulta, wala lng pud syay buhaton even to give advice towards how I feel.. Preha ra sa imoha giingon nga mas maayo pa ang naa mg cge ug pangutana or mosagpa kung masayop ko.. kaysa murag wala nlng gyuy reaksyon.

But here is my point: If you are realistic then so am I. I would rather be abandoned by someone who doesn't like the way I think than to go with the flow para lng mkaingon cla nga maayo ko nga tawo.. Ang buotan rba nato dire sa pilipinas kanang tawo nga dili nlng moreklamo or tagsa ra tig-imik..ang resulta mahimo na nuon libakera/libakero ky di mn ka istorya directly if dili kaauyon..

But to tell you frankly, mao kasagaran pobre dre sa pilipinas ky naa pata mindset nga gibilin sa previous colony or gitudlo sa mga religious groups nga ma "kontento". So ang ending, they will never dream of any big things ky lagi dili ni mao ang "real life" pra nila.. naa pa dw life after death.. pero sad to say and see nga kadtong mga nagtudlo nato ana mao ang murag KING/QUEEN ug kinabuhi realistically.. AND I DON'T WAN'T HER TO BE LIKE THAT as we grow together.. nga mura mgsunod2 nlng sa unsa mahitabo.. mura na nuon ug yaya or ktabang sa balay like you said...

[sakurai999]

Hello Ts,

Based sa imong gi ingon, I guess love paman nimo sya then love sad ka sa imong asawa.
I guess dli lang guro na expressive na pagka taw imong wife.
I know naglibog ka, pero Ikaw ang mka decide ana imong sitwasyon.
Much better na i open up nimo imong na feel diha ang imong mga frustrations and kanang feel nimo na kulang sad nya na buhat towards you.
Unfair man pod if dretsu lang ka mo ingon na dli nimo ipadayon, wer in fact naa raba moi mga anak.
Wala ka naghuna2 sa feeling sa imong mga anak kung mabungkag inyong family?

Better talk mo hah, ikaw maka assess ana

[RedLips]

Inom usa stress tabs para clear imong mind inig mag talk moh... with flowers if it helps

[silahis]

@rsuna1010 - i don't know about you personally, but something tells me that we have a lot of similarities in terms sa outlook ug batasan. i also label my mama as hindrance sa akong endeavors, though she hasn't done anything... yeah, i feel annoyed sa iyang mediocrity. it's like i'm taking mama under my care way too soon when it should've been the other way around. anyway, she's living now sa igsuon sa akong uncle along with my younger bro. and i'm living on my own. mubisita ra kos ila panagsa.


i completely agree sa imong mindset. the moment you have this false sense of 'contentment' labi na at an early stage pa sa imong life, progression will surely go full stop. wa nay growth. and this is not a good thing in the long run.
religion/faith has a huge influence aning klase sa mindset. mao nang i loathe to see someone who has very high potential to be more successful that ends up living a life he/she does not deserve, and use their faith to justify their means. horrible. but hey, ila pud na. and the least i could give sa ila is respect.


i suggest you take a break usa, from her.
have you vented out everything sa iya? please do so. i believe she should do her own part sab, she needs to help herself.
love alone does not suffice, reality-wise. this ain't fcking fairy tale we are living in.
it looks very unfair sa imong end boss. never settle for less jud.

just think about everything clearly, if sigurado ba ka sa imong plano. think about the outcome, what will happen to your wife and kids? and NO, dili ni pakonsensya akoa. my point is, if you're ready to face them puhon as a consequence sa imong choice.