Merged: All Love Stories

[tagar27]

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Na minyo ko sa akong partner mga 9 years na nilabay. From time to time dili kalikayan mag-away mi and because akong
nature dili man mangulata, ako nalang ipaagi ug sakit nga sulti niya. Little did I know, nga iyang gitigom tanan niyang
kahi-ubos and as the years go by, secretly, nagtanom diay cya ug pagdumot nako (which my partner revealed lately).

Because my job requires me to constantly travel, wala ko kahibalo nga akong partner dunay gibuhat behind my back nga wala
nako mahibaw-e hangtud nadunggan nako ang chismis parte niya nga at first akong gi ignore kay salig lagi kaayo ko sa
akong partner. Then lately, naka observe ko nga cya morag gusto nga mo distansya nako, bugnaw ang iyang mga tinagdan sa akong mga parayeg. Na feel nako nga morag nangita cya ug bikil pirme aron mag-away mi. One time, kalit lang duna cya mga nasulti nako sa iyang past nga maoy nakapa-aghat nako ug paghunahuna ug balik sa mga chismis nga akong nadunggan parte niya. I was able get some information from a third party sa iyang mga
gibuhat nga wala ko kahibalo.

Sama sa: duna diay cya ka txt mate from the opposite *** nga wala niya gi-reveal nako until such time nga naboking nako
cya. More or less duha ka bulan cla nag txt txt ining third party (without my knowledge). Gi confront nako cya ug ni
admit akong partner nga tinuod iyang ka txt mate but puro ra kuno pa cute-cute. WALA GANI KUNO SILA MAGKITA bisan kausa.
ako cya giingnan nga unsa man gyud unod sa ilang txt txt ug ingon cya nga nothing malicious, walay hilas, ug malipay na
kuno cya nga gi admire kuno ug maayo sa iyang txt mate ang iyang beauty. So nag wonder ko nganong naka dayeg man ang third party sa iyang beauty kung wala cla nagkita? Ang iyang tubag nga bisan cya naglibog nganong na admire sa tawo
ang iyang physical looks? Do You Believe MY PARTNER?

Sa gidugayon sa ilang pag txt txt, nagtoo ko nga ga "warm up" na cila for a possible intimate relationship kay diay
magtawganay naman gani sila sa phone and at times motago pa kung dunay mga morag makadungog sa conversation. In fact,
usahay naa ko sa among balay ug dunay motawag sa phone ako ang maka tubag but then morag gipaminaw lang akong voice ug
ibutang ang pikas linya. Kana ako lang nga mga pagtoo but who knows they were then already ""ON"" but na abort ba kay
akong na boking akong partner.

Unya nia pa, ingon akong partner nga maayo ra kuno nga ako cya nga gi confront ug nasultihan kabahin ini kay aron "dili
madayon" kay ang third party kuno padulong na manguyab niya... So it bolsters my belief nga sa duha ka bulan nilang txt-
txt and interspersed with phone calls, nagka lami gyud diay kay tiaw mo, on the way naman diay kuno manguyab ang tawo
niya. So that means, na build up na nila ang confidence sa isig usa. Do you agree with me on this regard?

So again balik ta sa sa iyang giingon earlier nga "wala gyud kuno cila nagkita anang tawo". So mag wonder ko, kung wala
gyud sila nagka meet anang iyang ka txt mate... nganong padulong namang manguyab nang tawo niya? Di ba kung manguyab ta
sigurohon man gyud nato nga na meet na nato in person ang the other party. Again... Do you believe my Partner?

And then iya ra ba nga i justify pirme nga ang pag txt txt basta wala lang kunoy gibuhat nga dautan okay ra kuno, bisan
gani kuno iyang mga friends niingon niya nga what she was doing wasn't bad at all... Kamo mo agree ba mo ini? Ambot lang
sad kaha ha ug iyang mga friends iya bang gisultihan sa full story. Unya ang iyang alibi pirme nga gadumot kuno cya nako ug revenge kuno tong iyang gibuhat sa akoa. Maka comment ba mo ini?

Ang ako man god nga for single people okay raman cguro na but then for married persons it is an entirely different story
kay duna na goy mga gipanumpa-an nga molikay gyud anang gihinganlan ug infidility. Unya ang iyang pag txt txt iyang
gitago nako. Until such time nga ako siyang gibuking ug ni admit cya kay bisan ako naka observe na nga molihay cya kung
mag txt, palayo cya nako, iyang i delete ang tanang messages sa inbox ug sa sent messages so karon agree ba mo nga okay
ra iyang gibuhat?

Actually I was on the edge of hiring for services para masakpan nako cya sa akto in the later stage of
what I perceived as a wrong doing. But then I choose nga ako cyang gi confront though risky kay love gihapon kaayo nako
akong partner ug di ko gusto nga maipit na gyud unya cya ug maayo nga wala na cyay chance nga mo correct sa iyang
mistakes. Agree ba mo sa akong gibuhat?

Thanks to all.

[jumps_zilla]

this is just my opinion so don't take it too hard.

i think that both parties are at fault at some point. 1st, one verbally abuses that other. 2nd the one who received the verbal abuse did not make a stand to discuss his side, just kept quiet and now has a (possible) 3rd party. 3rd, both parties did not communicate effectively with each other.

i guess that there should time spent where both parties discuss their issues and listen to each other with open minds to arrive at a solution. i hope both of you can work this out however this turns out.

[splendid moonlight]

i have the impression that your partner is a lot younger than you are. but i might be wrong. anyway, ambut lang ha pero ako ngil-aran kaayo ko anang mag iring iring sa text nga committed na. even if wala sila ga kita, lain gihapon. set aside time for the two of you to talk. demand honesty but do so very gently so as not to make her defensive. ask her specifically what part of the past prompted her to do this. again, gently. if indeed ga dumot man kaha gyud siya nimo, she will have a ready answer. if bakikok ang tubag then probably gi himo ra to niyang alibi.

one reason why u should also be gentle in choosing your words is because, if indeed she has been harboring hatred towards you, for you to bombard her with questions would be the last thing that she needs. it will only spark her anger and will not give her a chance to speak truthfully.

[P-Chan]

i guess this is a point in a relationship that... "you've lost that loving feeling"... and as mentioned i think you know why.. but it's not too late.. there are stuff you can do to patch somethings out... as for the txt txt.. um... i think that will follow after you made peace...

[Onins]

As I understand it, you've made the step of opening the issue to her, to which i congratulate you for being so brave. What you didnt mention or I might have missed is the way you confronted her. It may sound trivial to you but sometimes your approach would dictate what kind of response you receive. If you were in combat mode naturally your partner wouldn't reveal everything, including the fact that her txtmate is not just a txtmate (you know what i mean), because of fear. Try doing it as calm as possible and she might open up, really open up. From there, you can decide. Are you the type of guy who can still accept her even if its more than text, say dating, necking or worse ***? Or for your partner's sake, lets give her the benefit of the doubt, its just text (JUST? ), so i guess its easier to patch up. Now the question is, will you still trust her? For sure it'll keep nagging you ESPECIALLY when you are out of the town again because of your job. GodBless pre!

[BackEdge]

to add lang...I see a Communication Gap between you and your partner. You can iron all of these stuff. On the other hand, you are aware of the existence of another party, be Vigilant and you know your partner very well and you know what she/he is capable of doing. Prepare for anything possible..that's what I ussually do. "Know you're enemy and attack"...excerpts from the last samurai.

[tagar27]

To the wonderful people here, thank you so much. Mag provide lang ko ug additional nga info. My partner is younger than me but not that much -by about 4 years. Usually mag away mi magsugod gyud sa iyang pagka disrespectul nako. Mohangyo ko niya pirme nga dili ko niya ibutang ug mga embarrassing situations especially in front of other people but this is where my partner always test me. In short, i provoke ko pirme aron mawala ko sa akong cool.

We are blessed with material things mao nga dili mi mag away sa kuarta, and jealousy was never in the picture bisag gamay, because I gave her my full trust until this controversial issue happened.

We are both professionals and so pagka adto namo ug councelling, the councilor being a professional psychologist to us that our fights naa ra mga personal nga butang -kung kinsay hawod. I must admit nga nakahatag ko niya ug verbal abuse, shall we say but then mag sorry ko ug ma patch up ra and I never thought nga magtanom diay cy ug dumot nako. What I would like to point out is that dili ba kaha iyang gitigum ni aron later she can use it as her alibi to justify if she ever commits some wrong doing.

When I confronted her wala ko nangisog ug bugnaw akong approach niya and initially she said nga dili angayan nga tagdon kay chismis raman ug dili tinuod. But after several days namo nga daily communications, nisugod na cya ug ingon nga disturb kuno cya especially nga most of the information I got from my source turned out to be true or partly true. Ako cya nga giingnan tinuod ba nga iyang giingan iyang ka txt mate nga "ayaw txt txt nako ha kay mouli akong bana, manawag ra ko nimo" and again she admitted that this is true.

Ako bitaw mo admit nga duna miy communication gap sa akong partner the reason nga nagpa councellling mi. But even so, bisan pa ug pila ka councelling kung naa ang dishonesty dili gyud cguro gihapon mag silbi kay ako cyang pangutan-on kung nagkita ba gyud cila ug iyang txt mate? she will try to skirt from it by answering like "maayo unta to ug nanguyab nako aron naa koy mapakita nimo".

Actually I am prepared to accept for the worst case situation kay before ko ni confront niya, the first thing I heard about my partner was that nakit-an amoang car nga ni park ug usa ka lugar late at night nga kini ako gani nga gi ignore at first. Ni deny cya but then ang nakakita ni insist nga kita cya sa car though dili certain kung cya ba ang nagdrive but circumstancial evidence says nga cya ang nag drive sa car kay wa may lain gyud nga mag drive sa among car kay we don't hire a driver. She's a good driver actually. Unless nalang cguro kung iyang gipa drivan ug lain while I'm away.

Ang iya ra ba karon nga nagsige ug usab usab iyang mga statements but then na save man nako ang among mga conversations, moingon lang cya nga nasulti na nako kuno niya tanan so there is no further explanation on my partner's part. My other question is, is it still worth to give her the benefit of the doubt nga mo trust gihapon ko niya? Ug sa binisaya pa, salig pero ayaw laum. Unsa kaha? The truth is i still love my partner very much.

[mique]

know what, one of the qualities of a destructive loving relationship is the lack of communication. others are right, you two should talk... her being disrespectful towards you maybe it's because of the hurtful things na iyahang na-feel gikan nimo. mas sakit mn gud ang verbal kay sa physical abuse... kanang imohang partner nangita lang tingali na cya ug someone na maka-feel cya ug intimacy and love. have you been more loving to her lately? maybe that's one of the reasons why nahan cya sa iyahang textmate... be more affectionate towards her. do the things you did before you get married. court her again... buy her flowers... watch your memorable movie together... have dinner then, finally, talk about what happened between the both of you.. really do hope you can patch things up with your partner. god bless!

[Onins]

@tagar27, wow. makes me think about my own relationship. Thanks too, you divulging these things helps many people here one way or another. You said not once but twice, you still love your partner very much. How much is very much for you? Is loving her very much enough for you to have a job where you are closer to her? coz for me even if you can patch this thing today, it will eventually come back to hunt you kay mangita naman sad na imo partner kay wala naman sad ka, away because of business. I really admire you kay niAdmit nagud sya then imo mga resources mura reliable pajud, pero you still love her that much jud. you mentioned ang start sa away if mudisrespect na sya? in what way mansad? if grabe na siguro, then patas lang if maAbuse nimo sya verbally... And bai what would you feel if, ngHire jud ka professional help to eavesdrop on her appointments and find out na tinuod tanan. dili lang txtmate but sexmate na? Have you talked to God lately?

[twalalyn]

my husband & i attended a seminar b4 we got married...ur story kinda reminded me of the speakers we had...i remember that they said after all of the years they've been married they didn't notice that they had put a gap in their relationship...even the small things lyk a bar of soap they'll fight over it & the other person had kept all the fights inside from those small fights until it just bursts into different proportions...i think that's why open communication is so important & always try to talk even the smallest arguements a couple will have & resolve it bcoz all unresolve issues will clearly build up & get used over & over as excuses & gets bigger & get overlapped...Onin has a very good question: Have you talked to GOD lately & when was the last tym that both of you had prayed together & shared each others prayersi think every relationship has a center structure & in couples,God should be in the center...hope you guyz can work things out & as what they've said, its never too late...