Merged: Jokes

[yeh]

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The woman and the Cat
Message:
A man hated his wife's cat and he decided to get
rid of it. He drove 20 blocks away from home and
dropped the cat there. However, the cat was
already walking up the driveway when he
approached his home.

The next day, he decided to drop the cat 40 blocks
away but the same thing happened.

He kept increasing the number of blocks but the
cat kept coming home before him.

At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn
right, then left, past the bridge, then right again
and another right and so on until he reached what
he thought was a perfect spot and dropped the cat
there.

An hour later.... The man calls his wife at home
and asks her, "Jen is the cat there?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" asked his wife.

Frustrated the man said," Put that damn cat on the
phone, I am lost and I need directions to reach
home!!!

Moral:
How much ever we dislike somebody, someday we
might need their assistance.

[yeh]

Excuse Letters - Filipino

These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country.

My son is under a doctors care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
-hala! Sige. Silya elektrika at bitay. Sabay pa! O kaya niyo yun?

Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. -pag nag-absent pala papatayin ka ..... siyet! Baka may rabies...

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- A grabe to. Nasa kalindaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!

Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating. - ano daw?

Please excuse Roland from P.E. for a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misp laced his hip.
-- hanapin natin!

John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
-bwehehehe... la ako masabi... Bwahahaha! Ganito kasi yan. Kinagat siya ni Lola sa noo sa gigil. Tapos nabali yung ngipin ng pustiso niya Hahaha!!!

Megan could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins. - Buti pa veins niya. Close sila. Hahahaha!!!

Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels. -ah.....eh....i.....ow....u....

Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had
(diahre)(dyrea)(direathe) the shits. [words in ()s were crossed out. -Sinabi na kasi LBM na lang e.
Pasosyal pa kasi.

Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
- So transsexual pala si Irving?

I kept Billie home because she had to go Christmas shopping because I dont know what size she wear.

Sally wont be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral. - Ala e! Mabuhay ang Patay!!
Mayroong Himala!!!

Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well. - stud se rvice ba yung school nya? baka gremlins siya.

Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover. - Ay grabe! Iba na talaga ang mga kabataan ngayon. Hahaha!

Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasnt the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going aroun d, her father even got hot last night. - hahaha, telenovela... bow.
Makuwento siya ha... Kulang lang sa pansin...

Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.
We forgot to get The Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.
- winner to!!!!!!!!!! Anggaling!!!! Puwede rin kaya sa office ito?

[mango]

Diego worked in the local lumberyard for twenty years. All that time he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience began to bother him, and he went to confession to repent.

"Father, it's been fifteen years since my last confession. I've been stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years."

"I understand my son. Can you make a Novena?"

"Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

[yeh]

Dalagita na raw



ANAK: 'Nay, pwede na ba akong mag-bra? Kinse anyos na po ako. Pwede na po ba?

INA: Hoy tigilan mo nga ako, Domingo!!!

[kyuusai]

patient: doc, galain man akong pamati human nako kaon ug kinhason..

doc: unsa may hitsura sa unod pag-abli nimo?

patient: aw! hala! ablihan pa diay na!!..

[i_a_m_d_e_d_e]

Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan.
28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
- A grabe to. Nasa kalindaryo pa ang birthday ko kung ganon. Hahaha!

utro pud ang comment..
nasa kalindaryo pa ang birthday kuno! ang edad siguro... waaaahahhaaa

[kiwiboy]

nice one baby!!!

[dongzky]

Actually, these guys are already famous on the net.... just in case you haven't seen them... they're called backdorm boys

check this link: http://youtube.com/watch?v=K99G4Dc8t...chinese%20boys

[dongzky]

here's another from them... click below... :mrgreen:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=te7JDOYg3...chinese%20boys

[jh1_14]

grbeh great heheeh