Divorce, Legal Separation, Annulment: What is your stand?

[cholokoy]

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Rey04:

Been married for x years and i have two kids. We had our ups and downs(the downs are really low) but we never gave up on it. Now, things have settled down and our bond is as strong as ever. On hindsight, things would have been different if divorce was an option.

Usa ray akong mahay sa akong pagminyo-nganong nagdugay dugay man ko, lami man diay (part na's lami ang mga problema).

[Ms.Beau]

^you are fortunate to be in a place where the relationship is getting stronger

not everyone has the same fortune as you. for the abused and cheated on spouses, life would be different with options (as compared to the mentality of "stuck here forever"). again, i am not saying divorce and annulment are the first options to consider...last resort ra ni sila bro, and these are for those with cases of abuse or adultery (if divorce requires less heavier grounds, then i go for annulment). for the sake of dignity and self-respect, no one should be subjected to the pain of physical or emotional abuse and and adultery--especially in the hands of the one who promised man unta to
love and cherish him/her forever". nyek taka lang ug promise.

[rey04]

pasensya ni Miss nagpractice pa ko sa quote and quote, kay dili ko hilig ana,hehehe. i think theres a song on it"cast your burdens upon me those who are heavily laden". so if you always cast your burden on him then i think that's life and i have not decided on this yet as long as may solution pa and i dont regret being married coz theres a lot of positives rather than negatives on marriage that i cannot count on sa kadaghan. marriage is really a thing to ponder and yes there is ups and downs and those who are down opted to have our main topic as an option and others remain single forever.

All the sacraments were instituted with sacrifices because thats the key to him. if one opted to have an easy life then he/she does not understand well the sacrament he/she's into. as a married person i know what i'm sacrament i'm into and would do my best not to break it.

Congrats! I see that you now know how to "quote." Ang tawag dyan "quote" and not "rephrasing."

Anyways... bro, kung you think that marriage is a burden... WHY OH WHY did you marry in the first place? And please ha... dont tell me that "you never thought it would end up this way." Dont tell me you didnt ask your own parents about how burdensome their marriage is?

How can a catholic think that a blessed sacrament INSTITUTED by God Himself be a burden? Is that not disrespecting the Lord?

[Ms.Beau]

marriage is really a thing to ponder and yes there is ups and downs and those who are down opted to have our main topic as an option and others remain single forever.

if we say that those who remain single are "incapable" of handling the challenges of married life, we are putting singleness below it, and i just have to differ with that. dili bro oi, singleness can be a choice NOT based on WHAT ONE IS RUNNING AWAY FROM (such as the pains of marriage), but on WHAT ONE WANTS TO GO TOWARDS, like career, freedom, flexibility/mobility, total control over time and finances, etc.

ni share lang jud ko ana bro kay ako gitaguyod ra ba jud nako ang singleness. dili singleness nga anti-marriage, but singleness with a positive attitude (kanang dili i treat as something to be dreaded, endured, or wished away). kung naay proud and happy to be single ako na na and it's because i don't see it as second rate, but EQUAL to marriage, status-wise.

[d`monyita]

i think theres a song on it"cast your burdens upon me those who are heavily laden". so if you always cast your burden on him then i think that's life

it just said "burden".... meaning problems.... GENERAL... it DID NOT say marriage is a problem. there are problems in marriage... challenges as evs said... but you said marriage is a burden... IN GENERAL.

and i have not decided on this yet as long as may solution pa

decided on what? divorce? i thought you said u got no choice kasi it is the law of the land?

and i dont regret being married coz theres a lot of positives rather than negatives on marriage that i cannot count on sa kadaghan.

i do not remember gyud you saying that marriage has more joys than sorrows....if we read your posts... halos lahat negative. please post here the link that i missed where you said that you have more joys than sorrows please.

marriage is really a thing to ponder and yes there is ups and downs and those who are down opted to have our main topic as an option and others remain single forever.

di na ako comment nyan kay matabunan ka na with mine and beau's comments. hehehehehehe.

All the sacraments were instituted with sacrifices because thats the key to him. if one opted to have an easy life then he/she does not understand well the sacrament he/she's into. as a married person i know what i'm sacrament i'm into and would do my best not to break it.

Ganun diay? ALL the sacraments instituted have a sacrifice? How about Baptism? Ano man sacrifice nun? Yung LIFETIME ka na parent? If we follow your logic.... would you say that being a parent is a burden now?

[rey04]

hey i dont mean persons here but I respect those who remain single forever coz they could have personal reasons that they themselves know. ilaha pud nah....

if we say that those who remain single are "incapable" of handling the challenges of married life, we are putting singleness below it, and i just have to differ with that. dili bro oi, singleness can be a choice NOT based on WHAT ONE IS RUNNING AWAY FROM (such as the pains of marriage), but on WHAT ONE WANTS TO GO TOWARDS, like career, freedom, flexibility/mobility, total control over time and finances, etc.

ni share lang jud ko ana bro kay ako gitaguyod ra ba jud nako ang singleness. dili singleness nga anti-marriage, but singleness with a positive attitude (kanang dili i treat as something to be dreaded, endured, or wished away). kung naay proud and happy to be single ako na na and it's because i don't see it as second rate, but EQUAL to marriage, status-wise.

[rey04]

it just said "burden".... meaning problems.... GENERAL... it DID NOT say marriage is a problem. there are problems in marriage... challenges as evs said... but you said marriage is a burden... IN GENERAL.

yup, in general Miss...there are always problems in marriage! thats why the topic is created

decided on what? divorce? i thought you said u got no choice kasi it is the law of the land?

did i decided on divorce? pls see my other posts, i just typed it there na i would prefer divorce if naa and didnt have any choice if theres no solution. how about you? what do you decide?

i do not remember gyud you saying that marriage has more joys than sorrows....if we read your posts... halos lahat negative. please post here the link that i missed where you said that you have more joys than sorrows please.

the topic here lies negatively to marriage nganong positive man sab akong idukdok dire nga buwag may gihisgutan. mau unta if the topic is changed to "THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE" or "HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LASTING" kay pun on ko ni ug positive tanan nakong opinion. Hinuon nakasuway naman ko I don't know about you.

di na ako comment nyan kay matabunan ka na with mine and beau's comments. hehehehehehe.

others lang ang pangutan a aside nako coz i have a different notion about women remaining single forever. sa other topic pa, it said they remain married to their careers/money.

Ganun diay? ALL the sacraments instituted have a sacrifice? How about Baptism? Ano man sacrifice nun? Yung LIFETIME ka na parent? If we follow your logic.... would you say that being a parent is a burden now?

maybe thats why you dont want to marry your sperm donor ,as you say it is, coz you assume him to be a burden to you and your child. isnt it? asked him nalang and he probably has his own reasons different from your assumption.

[d`monyita]

yup, in general Miss...there are always problems in marriage!  thats why the topic is created

that is where me and evs and whoever else it was here... disagrees with you... you see marriage as a burden.  the burden is the problem NOT the marriage per se.

did i decided on divorce?  pls see my other posts, i just typed it there na i would prefer divorce if naa and didnt have any choice if theres no solution.  how about you?  what do you decide?

did i say you decided on divorce?  i was asking you a question. at least u said it na gyud na u will prefer divorce if naa.

magulo ka chong... para kang...nagcha-cha. front---back... sideways chachacha! hehehehe. paki-expound nga ang "and i didnt have any choice if there is no solution."  sorry. anyone reading this--- help me understand that statement nga pls? hehehe.

the topic here lies negatively to marriage nganong positive man sab akong idukdok dire nga buwag may gihisgutan.  mau unta if the topic is changed to "THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE" or "HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LASTING" kay pun on ko ni ug positive tanan nakong opinion. Hinuon nakasuway naman ko I don't know about you.

The topic is... Divorce, Legal Separation, Annulment: What is your stand? --- your stand according to you is STAY MARRIED and only because the law says it.  That is what I gleam from your posts. 

Oh and speaking of posts... I should have said.. posts...IN THE MANY DIFFERENT THREADS here in the Family Life section.

Just because you have been married it doesnt mean that you are the expert on it.  Anyone who is exposed to married folks would know almost as much.  Being unmarried does not mean that we are ignorant.  Just as I know that putting my hand over open flame will hurt and I do not have to do it to prove my point.

others lang ang pangutan a aside nako coz i have a different notion about women remaining single forever.  sa other topic pa, it said they remain married to their careers/money.

God has His plan for each one of us... we sometimes go against His perfect will by making stupid decisions.  Some He has planned to be married and some He has planned to be single for life.  To make a sweeping statement such as single people are married to careers/money is such bigotry if you ask me.

And what pray tell, is your notion about women being single forever?

maybe thats why you dont want to marry your sperm donor ,as you say it is, coz you assume him to be a burden to you and your child.  isnt it? 

i didnt marry him because he is one irresponsible person.  he has a well-paying job... before he used to earn more than me...and when i was dependent on him for our child's needs...he gave so little.  and just because he is the BIOLOGICAL father... IT DOES NOT OBLIGATE ME in any way manner or form to make him part of my son's life (according to my lawyer). IF he wants to be part of my son's life... there are corresponding responsibilites that he has to accomplish (again, according to my lawyer).  If we have parted ways... WALA AKO OBLIGATION in the eyes of man and God na sinira.

Now i earn enough for me and my son...and earning more than him. hahahaha. God is good indeed!

Oh and you really didnt answer my question....

All the sacraments were instituted with sacrifices because thats the key to him.  if one opted to have an easy life then he/she does not understand well the sacrament he/she's into.  as a married person i know what i'm sacrament i'm into and would do my best not to break it.

Ganun diay?  ALL the sacraments instituted have a sacrifice?  How about Baptism?  Ano man sacrifice nun?  Yung LIFETIME ka na parent?  If we follow your logic.... would you say that being a parent is a burden now? 

[cholokoy]

Moreact lang ko sa kang MsBeau nga reaction sad sa akoang post. Yes, seguro pod ug grabe ang abuse (daghan ra bang forms of abuse) nga madawat pwede na mahimong ground for separation. Kaluoy sad nimo ug himoon kang punching bag sa imong kapikas.

Sa adultery, we all make mistakes. Una seguro nga sayop pwede pa man pod tingali pasayloon? The key is geniune repentance. Mobunga sad na siya ug forgiveness. And then there's the loooooooooooongggg, harrrrrrdddddd process of winning your spouse's trust back. Antoson jud nang tanan sa nakasala. Nganong ni-enter? Of course, naa pod ubang mga spouses nga habitual na jud nga adulterer. Kana angay nang duslitan. Remember Lorena Bobbit?

[Ms.Beau]

^i don't know with the others, but ako i will not tolerate even "one-time" abuse. yes, daghan forms of abuse--verbal, emotional, physical. para nako they are totally unacceptable. di man ko mobuhat ana sa akong kaugalingon, so ngano gud uroy mo allow ko nga buhaton na nako sa akong pares.

lorena bobbit style? no, di ko mobuhat ana oi...why should i expend that much energy LOL. that's one case showing what an abused woman can become (abused woman syndrome daw na according to experts), so mao na nga it's never advisable to tolerate abuse. ambot lang jud sa uban ha pero ako kung mangabit akong bana (hypothetical) di man ko mag issue ug "first offense memo"...automatic termination man kay mao man kaha to among gi signan nga contract LOL. i'm not saying there's no room for forgiveness but just emphasizing what the DEAL BREAKERS really are.