Best jokes ever..

[bluelhady]

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Tag-iya: Hoy kawatan! Ambak diha! Ikaw diay tig pangawat sa akong lubi ha!
Kawatan: Kung sakpan gani,sakpan lang. Dili kay mangurat. Ug matagak ko, ipapriso tika!!!

Paytera kawatana uy

[zHun]

A marine stationed in Afghanistan for 2 years received a letter from his girlfriend.

Dear John,

I can't bear the long distance relationship. I've cheated on you twice and it'll be unfair to continue this. I'm sorry. Please return back the picture I had sent you.

Take care.

Becky



John, being loyal and true to his love for 2 years, was deeply hurt and pissed. So he gather all the pictures of any girlfriend, cousin, aunt, sisters, etc from his colleagues. He collected 57 pictures and added Becky's picture, sent it in an envelope with the letter saying:



Dear Becky,

I'm sorry I cannot remember now who the f*ckd you are. Please take your picture and return the remaining 57 to me.

John

[zHun]

A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest. So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled, “How many people here make love once a day?” Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely. “Once a week?” A third of 
the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant. “Once a month?” A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks, “OK, how about once a year?”


One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory. “If you make love only once a year,” he asks, “why are you so happy?”


The man yells, “Today’s the day!”

[stew_griff]

adunay isa ka manyak nga ibog kaayu sa madre.
isa ka adlaw nagsakay/nagtupad sila sa tricycle,,
ug iya jud dayn gikomot and totoy sa madre.

madre: drayber, hunonga, kay monaog ko, manyakis ni akong tapad!!!

*pagkanaog na sa madre.. nidagan na ang tricycle
drayber: ug ganahan ka maka iskor sa madre, adto a na siya sa kilid sa kapelya, naay ngit ngit na lugar didto, mag ampo na siya kada 10PM,, pag sul-ot lang ug maskara unya ingna nga sugo sa taas para d ka masakpan.
manyak: mao ba? cge sulayan nako unya

*10pm sa kilid sa kapelya,
manyak: uy naa jd ang madre nag ampo.
(iyang gidool ug gi ingnan)
manyak: sister, dapat ko maka iskor nimo, maoy sugo sa kahitas an.
sister: mao ba? cge, pero sa lobot lang para virgin pako,,
(nisugot ang manyak,, pagkahuman ug iskor. nikatawa sya ug gi tanggal ang maskara)
manyak: ahahahhah sister, ako to ang manyak nga imng tapad ganina!hahaha
(nikatawa sad ang madre, ug gitangtang ang maskara)
sister: ahaahahaha ako to ang drayber sa tricycle ganina! hahaha

[BananaBoatNel]

kanang corny kaayo nga joke nga makatawa ka sa ka corny huhuhu

[Venn]

[zHun]

A baby and a women sit in an examination room waiting for the doctor. The doctor arrived, check the weight, and found out that it is abnormally low for the age of the baby. The doctor asked if the baby was bottle or breastfed.

Breastfeed: The woman replied.

Hmmm, may i asked you to strip down to your waist. The doctor asked.

Without hesitation, the woman obliged. The doctor cupped, examined, pinched and touched rigorously the women's breast. After the examination the doctor told:

No wonder your baby is underweight. You don't have any milk!

I know, she said grinning. I'm his grandma, I just came to accompany her. But I do liked what you did.

[zHun]

ANG BALONEY

Juan and Pedro wanted to go out for a drink, but they only got 50 pesos left.

Juan: Ako bahala akina yang 50 pesos ibibili ko ng baloney.

Pedro: Sira ka ba? Yan na lang nga ang pera natin, ibibili mo pa ng baloney.

Juan: Sumunod ka na lang.


Juan bought one baloney and they went inside a bar and ordered 2 bottles of San Mig Light.


Pedro: ano pambabayad natin?

Juan: Basta uminom ka lang.


They drank and drank until they get drunk. When they are about to pay the bill, Juan put out the baloney.


Juan: Ilalagay ko yung baloney sa zipper ko tapos isubo mo.

Pedro: Sigurado ka sa plano mo ha.

Juan: Oo sumunod ka lang.


The bartender saw them, got furious and kicked them out of the bar

Their plan worked and did it in the next 8 bars, drinking and bar-hopping and they enjoyed the free drink.

On the 9th bar, Pedro was already drunk and sored.


Pedro: Pare, di ko na kaya. Masakit na ang panga ko. Tama na.

Juan: Ikaw pa nagreklamo, ako masakit na manoy ko, sa pangatlong bar pa lang nawala na yung baloney.

[BananaBoatNel]

ikaw ra jud. i love you.

[sircaniloc79]

MANGHAROS

Anak: Pa, mangharos ko karon sa among klase..

Papa: Very good! Bright gyud ning bataa. Unsa man nga subject anak?

Anak: Kuan, Pa.. Cooking. Ako ang mangharos sa kamunggay..

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TEACHER:How many liters does a Coke litro have?

PUPIL: Four liters ma'am!

TEACHER: Are you sure?

PUPIL: Yes ma'am! Liter C, Liter O, Liter K, and

Liter E!

Hahaha. Atut oi.

Nanay: Anak, tawagi imong tatay sa cellphone, paulia na diri..

(Pagkahuman og tawag)

Anak: Nay, babaye man ang nitubag..

Nanay: Yati ra!, tag-an ko pa lagi! Naa gyu’y gitago imong tatay nako! Unsa iyang gisulti?

Anak: “You only have zero peso in you account..”. Wala na nako gihuman kay murag matapobre kaayo..

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ADMIN: Unsay pangalan nimo?
JUAN: Juan Kampupot, Sir.
ADMIN: Edad?
JUAN: Desiotso, Sir.
ADMIN: Unsay trabaho?
JUAN: Traysikol Driver, sir.
HRADMIN: Single?
JUAN: Naay Sidecar, Sir..