Best jokes ever..

[zHun]

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A man complained to his friend, "My elbow hurts. I better go to the doctor."

"Don't do that," volunteered his friend, "there's a new computer at the drugstore that can diagnose any problem quicker and cheaper than a doctor. All you have to do is put in a urine sample, deposit $10, then the computer will give you your diagnosis and plan of treatment."

The man figured he had nothing to lose, so he took a sample of urine down to the drugstore. Finding the machine, he poured in the urine and deposited $10. The machine began to buzz and various lights flashed on and off. After a short pause, a slip of paper popped out on which was printed:

You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water twice a day. Avoid heavy labor. Your elbow will be better in two weeks.

That evening as the man contemplated this breakthrough in medical science, he began to suspect fraud. To test his theory he mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog and urine samples from his wife and teenage daughter. To top it all off, he masturbated into the jar. He took this concoction down to the drugstore, poured it in the machine and deposited $10. The machine went through the same buzzing and flashing routine as before then printed out the following message:

- Your tap water has lead. Get a filter.
- Your dog has worms. Give him vitamins.
- Your daughter is on drugs. Get her in rehab.
- Your wife is pregnant. It's not your baby. Get a lawyer.
- And if you don't stop jerking off your tennis elbow will never get better.

[zHun]

The Bike

A 13 year old boy came home all happy.
His mom asked, "what did you do at school today hunny?"

"Oh i had *** with my teacher," he said calmly.
The mother began to scream and yell and sent him to his room till his father got home.

When the father came home the mother said distroutly and close to tears, "Go talk to your son...he had *** with his teacher today!!!!!!!!!"
The dad with the BIG grin on his face walked upstairs.
He asked his son what happened at school and the son told him.
The dad said, "son im so proud of u im going to get you that bike you have wanted."
They go out and buy the bike and the dad asked him if he wanted to ride it home and the son replied,

"Nah dad my ass is still sore."

ahihihihi

- - - Updated - - -

A Filipino is having breakfast in a hotel in France one morning...
coffee, croissants,bread, butter & jam when an
American, chewing a gum, sits down next to him. ThePinoy ignores the
Kano who,nevertheless, starts a conversation:

Kano: "You Filipinos eat the whole bread??"

Pinoy (nayayabangan sa Kano): "Of course."

Kano: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In America, we only eat
what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it,
transform them into croissants and sell them to the Philippines."
The American has a smirk on his face. The Pinoy listens in silence.
Still The American persists.

Kano: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"

Pinoy: "Of Course."

Kano: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In
America we eat fresh fruits for breakfast, then we put all the peels,
seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into
jam and sell the jam to the Philippines."

Pinoyasar na talaga) asks: "Do you've *** in America?"

Kano:"Why of course we do."

Pinoynow smirking): "And what do you do with the condoms once you've
used them?"

Kano: (a bit puzzled): "We throw them away, of course."

Pinoy: "We don't. In my beloved Philippines, we put them in a container,
recycle them, melt them into chewing gum and sell them to America...

HAHAHA!!

[bizz_dakk]

[bizz_dakk]

[bizz_dakk]

[<SMILE>]

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: What are you doing here today?

Woman: Oh, I'm here to donate some blood. They're going to give me 10,000 for it.

Man: Hmm, that's interesting. I'm here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me 25000. The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways

A couple months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: Oh, hi there Here to donate blood again?

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] Unh unh.

contaminated na os2x ang presyo.

[porbidaman]

[bizz_dakk]

unsa kaha ug mao jud niy atong actual itubag sa interview,, dili kaha ta pagawson?

[2nderemperror]

news!

isda nalumos! patay!

duha ka opaw, nag-away! tungod sa sudlay!

[bizz_dakk]

SAN PEDRO: Kanang mga puti nga babae adto sa langit kay himuong anghel
JUAN: Unya Kining akung asawa San Pedro kay itom man?
SAN PEDRO: Sa langit gihapun himuon ug KWAKNIT!



Doktor: Misis, wala kaha ni gihampak ug dautang hangin ning imong anak?
Misis: Ambot lang kaha Doc kay sukad-sukad wala man ko kakitag hangin gabitbit ug bunal.



Girl: (nakakita nga naay nipilit nga kamunggay sa ngipon ni Boy)
Girl: Kabalo ko unsay inyong sud-an ganina!
Boy: Unsa?
Girl: Kamunggay!
Boy: BWAHAHAHA Sayop!!! kagabii ra to!



Pasiaw
Sulod sa classroom...
Titser: Ang unang makatubag sa akong pangutana maka-una og uli!
Butsoy: (Giitsa ang bag sa gawas)
Titser: Oh! kang kinsa man to'ng bag?
Butsoy: Akoa Mam! Goodbye Mam! Goodbye Classmates!