how far should i go for love? how long should i wait?

[bzness_minded]

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I need ur insights about this, I think I already have the answer, but still I need to hear what u guys have to say..so guys pls help me and hear me out, this is vry long and complicated..

Im a nurse but currently workng sa callcntr, my bf has no work and still hasn't attained his college degree. We've been togther for almost 5 yrs now and he has been truly faithful and loving. He has never given me ny problems(im referring sa mga chicks/3rd prty) or has nver laid a hand on me despite unsa ko ka maldita mag yaw2. I on the other hand have my own lapses. I have hurt him a lot ( I didn't do it purposely, but cguro I was in denial at that time to see that what I have been doing to him was already cheating - I became close to one of my male friends,we chatted,emailed,txt and even went out for a few lunch/dner. But I only saw this as harmless bec we were friends. Another similar incident also happend but w/ another guy -I will no longer elaborate on this. Let me just be clear, no physical intimacy happened!

despite all these, he has remained the same and it showed me how mch he really loved me. It wasnt easy, most especially for him, Ive seen how mch pain Ive caused him, but still he has forgiven me and vowed that he will help me straighten things.
He seems to be the perfect guy alrdy, but my problem is his educational background and work experience. He's in a huge family that couldnt support his education,and his not smart nor skillful enough to be able to get a job. He has applied many times and has failed many times.

Another factor that makes things soo complicated is this - though in my mid 20's alrdy, Im restricted to have a bf. My parents are so strict and conservative- probably bec Im the eldest and they have mny dreams like going abroad. They found out about our relationship during the 1st yr and forbade me from going out with him or else,I will no longer be sent to school.

I've been deceitful- I did not break up with him and after all these years we've been secretly meeting. It is sooo difficult, I barely have time for him,& he has been vry patient & understanding with our setup. We dream of the time where we can both face my parents and seek for their permission, but as of this time clearly --we cannot bec of his background.

It is true they say,that once u get older,u tend to use ur mind, instead of ur heart-- Ive been thinking of breaking up with him. I just feel that his life is so stagnant,I do not see any future with him,but we both love each other so much.. How far should I go for luv? Hw long should I wait?

I envy those young married couples who already have kids,have their own houses. I want to settle down but of course, with financial security alrdy.
Not to appear boastful or nything pls dnt get me wrong(kay hitsuraan man pud ko and Im from a well off family), I believe that there are still many suitors who will come my way,other guys that I can say who are financially stable. But despite this, bsan unsa pay e-advice sa akng mga relatives, the only person that I could only imagine settling down and having a family is him. He's the only guy that I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I just dont want to be miserable, Ive seen so many failed relationships (married couples/live in) due to financial problems. Im scared of ending up like that. Is it right for me to just end things? or should I continue to be with him and help him get a job/find a career?

Thank u for reading guys.

[onlyvic]

for me, if you are the one who has the money, i guess you guys can put up a small business or let him work for a decent job which can boost up his morale and for experience sake. if the only reason of breaking up is his background, there are lots of things you can do about it as long as you love each other. if there's a will, there's always a way dba. =) lisud mangita ug buotan na guy and tao nga love gyud nimo. money can be worked on.

[bzness_minded]

Thanks for ur advice. We do have a family business, dili jud cya pwde mka work didto kay bawal jud mi sa akng parents. The only way that I see myself helping him is when I could stand on my own. For now, I'm still depending on my parent's financially, I'm still living with them. Cguro if God will's mka larga ko abroad, that is the time na mka shell out ko ug money for his eductn/business, but we all know unsa ka lisud ang process para mka abroad ang nurse. Sakto ka, lisud jud mangita ug tarung and buotan na guy. Proud man ko ingon-ani xa, but when the the time comes ur colleagues/friends asked u--unsa diay iya work, lisud jud etubag..tambay? Im just really2 scared kay even on my own, wla pa sad koy na establish sa akng career, then eldest ko so pressured jud ko sa akng parents. Although we're well off, business is not doing well, and my parents are getting old. Gnhan na jud daw cla mu retire but cannot bec dili pa mi stable.

[ravits]

just do what you have to do...

[bzness_minded]

up for this.. cant sleep T_T

[r51d3r19]

may i ask mam if your BF is a hardworking individual eventhough his educational attainment or family background is not that good?

"his not smart nor skillful enough to be able to get a job. He has applied many times and has failed many times." cos i think he lacks of effort man gud. yeah i understand that he loves you very much but on the other side you two or in the near future kung kamo jud nya magka-baby mo...you have to secure your financial jud. sa iya status in life karon he has to overcome or workhard...like working as part timer bisan unsa lang while schooling. kay tan-aw man gud nako less effort ra jud sya. i mean no offense but mura man gud nag-agad ra siya nimo tungod kay mejo tubig-tubigan ka. dili hantud sa hantud imo sya sabtun sa iya status in life karon kay karon panahona LOVE will break if inyo tiyan nagkutoy.

[bzness_minded]

that is what I am most worried about, I do not see him as a responsible partner. we have been arguing about this. he still wants time to prove himself, but how long should i wait? i have enough problems on my own - esp my family and career. it's just so difficult trying to break up with him, every time i decide to and have the talk, i end up getting back with him. i wish i could just shut off like a machine. it's just too painful.

[elaimakulai]

Let me share this to you....

My boyfriend for almost 6 years now used to be like that. When I first met him, wala cya nag skwela.
He was taking up IT pero ni undang kay tapulan. "Come what may" na cya nga pagkatao sa una.
Sige lang atubang sa barkada, computer ug uban pa ang nakalahi lang is medyo arangan pagkabutang ang iyang family. On the bright side, pinangga kaau ko niya to the highest level. Very patient, forgiving, understanding. Wa sad koy problem about girls or third party kay mauwawon kaau grabe ka torpe. In fact, ako iyang first GF Ambot sad oi ngano akong gisugot

Anyway, undang man sad ko ug skwela ato nga time due to financial problems so nagabot ming duha puros out of school. Late summer man mi nagkauyab so padong na sugod ang first semester. I encouraged him to go back to school since maka afford raman iyang family and he did. Although nibalik cya ug skwela, wa ghapon mawala ang iyang pagkatapulan. He's not academically inclined so what I did is gi challenge nako cya. Pakit-anay dayon mi ug test paper nya pahambogay ug score. Nahagit jud cya ato so naningkamot sad cya nga makatupong nako and there was one time nga na perfect jud niya iyang quiz. Lipay kaau ko pagkakita nako sa test paper kay perfect cya then sa likod naay note for me. Nagpasalamat cya nako kay dako jud daw ko ug natabang and I inspire him. Gitagoan ghapon to nako ang test paper hantod karon.

So nagpadayon ghapon mi skwela hantod niabot mi ug 3rd yr college.
Nagkadugay nagkalisud iyang korso, di na daw niya kaya. So I talked to him and told him nga if di na jud niya kaya, pwede ra cya mo shift ug associate at least graduate ghapon cya with diploma. Makakita ghapon cya ug trabaho with his diploma. So mao to pag shift niya graduate cya dritso. Pero wala nahuman among problema diha kay after graduate back to tambay nasad cya while ako nag skwela ghapon. Cge ko encourage niya nga mangaply, sige ra sad cya ug tando pero wa gyuy buhat hantod ni abot ang time nga na undang nasad ko ug skwela. At that time, 1 year cya nga tambay since ni graduate ug associate. Cge ghapon ko encourage niya. Ako cya kyugon pirme sa akong mga gipang applyan. Kaming duha cge ug pangapply pero just like your bf, pirme sad cya ma fail. Cguro tungod kay kulang lang jud cya ug paningkamot.

Pag start nako ug work, cge ghapon ko encourage nya nga mo apply hantod nadawat jud cya. Now, we are both working and mag 3 years nami hapit sa among tagsa ka company. I can see that he is a changed man. He even enrolled sa TESDA without me telling him. Ganahan cya ipakita nako nga naningkamot jud cya. After sa iyang klase, work nasad cya graveyard nga shift. Mao nana iyang daily routine. Every weekend ra mi magkita pero i'm still here to guide him kay sometimes mo andar nasad ang tapol.

Since naa naman mi na save sa among mga earnings, we decided to get married this year. Yes! we are tying the knot 6 months from now.



@TS:
Encourage him. Mao ra jud ni akong ma tambag nimu.
He may not have finished his degree but I know he can still find a decent job. Pwede cya mo apply ug mga fast food chains as crew or department store nga staff or any other work bahala minimum ang wage. Dawata lang pud TS kay di man jud ka maka expect maka trabaho cya nga naay position tungod sa iyang educational background. How about callcenter? Modawat raman ug undergrad kasagaran sa mga call center. Why not teach him if di cya kabalo? Pwede sad cya mo enroll ug mga short term courses like sa Tesda para mas dali cya maka kita ug work. Basta ayaw lang sad give up TS. Have faith in him. Encourage him kutob sa makaya nimu in a nice way lang pud. Pina lambing2x kunuhay bah. Sayang man gud kung buhian nimu cya, he has good traits man according to you pero kani lang jud ang naka problema. Perfect na unta kung naa cyay hardwork.

If di ghapon cya no matter how hard you try then it's up to you. At least you've tried. Di sad cya magmahay nimu.

Now on your parent's part, masabtan raman cguro since eldest ka so murag ikaw ilang hope bah. They don't want you to get involved in a relationship kay mahadlok sila magminyo dayon ka. You should talk with them and let them understand that you're in the right age to enter a relationship and you're not getting married yet. Mao raman jud guro ang kasagaran concern sa mga parents. Hadlok sila maminyo ilang anak dayon kay wa nay mo tabang nila, biyaan sila ug unsa pa na diha. It's normal unless imong parents kay mata pobre. Ganahan sila maminyo ka sa usa ka rich guy murag 'buya' ba or arranged marriage. Kana lisod jud na.

Para nako naa pa nay hope imong BF basta ayaw lang jud undangi ug encourage. I hope nakatabang ko nimu. Taas raba kaau ni akong post kay nka relate jud ko nimu!


Update:
Naminyo nami with 1 kiddo (supposed to be 2 but my second baby died last Dec ) and we're happy and contented.

[s3xyp1nk]

medyo may pagka same ato situation, im married to him though and about to have a baby.
But I have a job, he doesn't. He's schooling but he could've find for a job since masteral ra man.

nagsalig xa sa iyang parents gud...time will come he'll learn ra cguro.
If not, ambot niya basta work lang kog ako. but i never stopped encouraging him specially sa iya law course, I want him to finish kay hes having second thoughts dyud.

[bzness_minded]

@ s3xyp1nk : congrats! i pray for ur safe pregnancy. mas naa cya reason para mu continue sa iya schooling bec of ur baby, encourgmnt sad jud accdg to elaimakulai. myb he would want to work na mao gnhan sya mu stop, but sayang. reasonable man pud au na wla cya work bec his still studying. ako-a jud partner, no work,no school, but i wont give up.

@elaimakulai : kapila jud nako balik balika ug read imu post! thank u so much 4 sharing--vry much appreciated imung efforts sa kataas ato,very inspiring,just what i needed. kay kasagaran man gud mga bati na experiences akong ma hibawan like married na cla den nothing has changed, pero with what u've shared, it gave me hope. im open 4 positive or neg comments ha.. troubled lang jud ko ba, mas nice man pud dri gud kay wlay bias, i mean f u ask ur relatives or frens,its different. compared dri, with all honesty and gkan jud sa hart ang ma share.

dili man mata pobre akng parents, but they want sme1 who can really take care of me-financially, they know unsa ka lisud run panahona. d pud ko maka blame kay wla man jud ika bugar akng partner. so torn lang pud ko kay i dnt want to disappoint them ba. still praying that things will work out. Again, slamat jud sa pag share. It really means a lot.

Since naa naman mi na save sa among mga earnings, we decided to get married this year. Yes! we are tying the knot 6 months from now.

im sooo happy for u,congrats!