This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn
something from here...
Those who are already married or in a commitment may take it as a
guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said,
"How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It
depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with
your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch,
and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a
completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in
love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing
there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But
after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades.
It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone
calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome
(when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being
cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you
think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between
the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry
subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry
the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once
had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages or relationship breakdown. People blame their
spouse/partner for their unhappiness and look outside their
marriage/relationship for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is
the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, excessive TV, or abusive
substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It
lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a
few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT
PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER
just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it
day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of
love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most
importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make
your marriage/relationship work. Sure true love can only happen after
you've fallen out of love. When you begin choosing to love, even if you
don't feel like doing it ---- that's true love. And that's the
foundation of a lasting and strong marriage.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific
things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your
marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there
are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically
stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage
stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable... you can "make"love.
Love is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling. You'll not just go
away with your relationship just because the feeling is gone. In the
Bible, love is a command. You make it happen.
Remember this always:
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who
you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go."
Did You Marry The Right Person?!
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