Today we're going to talk about rules. Have you ever noticed that old people will suggest you hit your dog on the nose with a rolled up newspaper whenever it does something wrong? Yet, apparently, we're not suppose do the same to Dick Cheney whenever he opens his mouth. Talk about your mixed messages.
Unlike the Bush Master, dogs at least want to play by the rules. Don't they? Or perhaps the problem is that much like VP Dick, canines have their own perception of what the rules are. Consider these staple rules of dog society:
• If it can be stuffed, it can be unstuffed.
• Leashes should be pulled hardest when the ground is iciest.
• The neighbor's trash can is a weekly offering to you. Enjoy the experience to its fullest.
• Couches will always feel softer with mud on your paws.
• If Dad forgets to bring the poop bag to the park you must poop at all costs.
• If Dad brings one poop bag to the park, you must poop twice at all costs.
• If Dad brings two poop bags to the park you must instantaneously manifest diarrhea.
• If Dad is flirting with a pretty lady in the park, also instantly manifest diarrhea - - twice.
• When your owner drops the end of the leash, it's a surefire sign he wants to play chase with you in the street. Always accommodate these whims.
• If a cat moves away from you, chase it!
• If a cat moves towards you, run!
• To get every last drop of squeeze cheese out of a Kong, use the cat's tail.
• If it's set out to thaw it's for you!
• Nothing is more fun to lick than a clean camera lens.
• The dog barrier in Mom's car is a challenge you must always rise above.
• Paired socks must die!
• If a sock is already missing its match, leave it to suffer alone.
• Never have an accident on the easily cleaned tile floor if you can possibly make it to a freshly made bed.
• When Mom's date picks her up, bite first, hump second.
• Never dig in the gravel when you can dig in the grass.
• Never dig in the grass when you can dig in the garden.
• Never dig in the garden when you can dig under the fence.
• iPods®, they're not just for breakfast anymore....
Rules Dogs Live By
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