THE GUYS' RULES
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally, the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl.. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls,don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color . Pumpkin is also a fruit. We haveno idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, itwill be scratched.
We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have t o sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can -
to give them a bigger laugh
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.
Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don’t get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that’s the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
- You make the bed…..+1
- You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows…..0
- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets…..-1
- You leave the toilet seat up…..-5
- You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty…...0
- When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex…..-1
- When the Kleenex runs out you use the nex t bathroom…. ; -2
- You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings…..+5
- In the snow …..+8
- But return with beer…..-5
- And no liners…..-25
- You check out a suspicious noise at night…..0
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing…...0
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something…..+5
- You pummel it with a six iron…..+10
- It’s her cat…..-40
AT THE PARTY
- You stay by her side the entire party…..0
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old drinking buddy…..-2
- Named Tiffany…..-4
- Tiffany is a dancer…..-10
- With breast implants…..-18
HER BIRTHDAY
- You remember her birthday…..0
- You buy a card and flowers…..0
- You take her out to dinner…..0
- You take her out to dinner and it’s not a sports bar…..+1
- Okay, it is a sports bar…..-2
- And it’s all-you-can-eat night…..-3
- It’s a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and you r face is painted the colors of your favorite team ¦.-10
A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
- Go with a pal…..0
- The pal is happily married…..+1
- The pal is single…..-7
- He drives a Ferrari…..-10
- With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED)…..-15
A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
- You take her to a movie…..+2
- You take her to a movie she likes…..+4
- You take her to a movie you hate…..+6
- You take her to a movie you like…..-2
- It’s called Death Cop III…..-3
- Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls…..-9
- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans…..-15
YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable pot belly…..-15
- You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it…..+10
- You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts…..-30
- You say, “It doesn’t matter, you have one too.”…..-800
THE BIG QUESTION
- She asks, “Does this dress make me look fat?”
- You hesitate in responding…..-10
- You reply, “Where?”…..-35
- You reply, “No, I think it’s your ass”…..-100
- Any other response…..-20
COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem:
- You listen, displaying a concerned expression…..0
- You listen, for over 30 minutes…..+5
- You relate to her problem and share a similar experience…..+50
- Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, “…well, what do you think I should do?”…..-100
- You have fallen asleep…..-200
IT’S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
- You talk…..-100
- You don’t talk…..-150
- You spend time with her……-200
- You don’t spend time with her…..-500
- You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000
GAME OVER. YOU LOSE.
"The Guys Rules" For all you girls out there...
Originally Posted by redcheek
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