Originally Posted by
lance148
This not actually an advice....Â* But we need to move on
today i came to work with the same enthusiasm that i have been carrying since the weekend. went about to my station and began the same routine in my work. right after seven however, i went over to the pantry (the pc's there seem to be performing miracles as we can access any mailing sites except gmail though) to munch on something while i check my mails. . .a check with yahoo360 showed that i had mounting emails especially from my highschool brood because one of us is getting married this december. . .so, after the customary check and replies, i checked my other online account, which only a few knows about.
but just when i was about to sign out, without hesitation, and out of curiousity, i decided to search for someone...i don't know what overcame me and goaded my fingers to type in a "guessed" username and click on the search button.Â* i don't know why inside i felt it important to know whether a profile has been stashed in there. i really did not know what to expect. i only know that i needed to know.
so when, after a minute of waiting for the pc to load, my search yielded a positive result, i got upset. i was disillusioned. i felt despondent. i know that i let out a loud gasp. and i know that i swore. oh i was in a limbo. i know that my head has repeatedly reminded my heart to hold on to...and view the exchanges that progressed as a casual acquaintance but my inner core of course always has its own volition.
there i was, in the cold pantry, staring into a pretty face; unmindful of the bustle inside, nary feeling the biting freeze of the centralized air conditioning. i sat immobile, hating such charm of a face at that moment...and then not the next. willing the picture to talk and answer the running questions in my mind. willing its presence to enlighten my confused feelings. wanting to vent and rant but had to contend to with sighing the emotional twinge. and i felt deranged while those thoughts came rushing. my perkiness for the day just about shattered.
it took a while before i summoned the will to view the full profile. while the page was loading, the screen blank, i was hoping to discover only petty "whatever"...something minor and not aggravating to the detriment of my melodramatic heart. when the loading was completed however, i was aghast. there, in full regale, were the 100% replica of exchanges to what i thought was shared between us only. as to whether they've progressed in the way ours had, i did not waste any more ache to learn. what i saw...and read...was enough. it had me reeling already. i stepped out of the pantry with a sinking heart. and a confused self-esteem. no, make that dejected.
by the time i got to my station however, the gnawing ache is gone. replaced by a sarcastic amusement. i was counting on my lucky stars over what i realized now is a misconstrued presumption. and i smirk. my reactions are just so me. am i ever consistent in drowning myself with pity. and haven't i freed myself from such despair already? haven't i realized what it means to love myself? to listen to my heart deep, deep, down there? to think always first and feel only after?
and so...i tell myself to remember what i had nailed into my head the moments i feel my weakness is getting the better of me: that pain is only when i allow it to be. that i never will have control over what happens but that i always have the choice, and the decision, on how to react to such incidence, or epiphany, or pain even. i have been through so much at this point in my life. i had made hard choices. and i battled with regret. but still i stood resolute. if anything, i am stronger.
this is just so silly actually. since when have i invested emotionally for something which i feel is inanimate? so i shook off such cobwebs and picked up myself. when i came to work wednesday i was all smiles and feeling so good. i actually have an entry which i labeled as "one good week coming up!". it goes:
TIPS ON HOW TO MOVE ON....
