just for laugh

[mom]

---

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to
purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.


Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I
decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul
it home.'


The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides
she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no
less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her
sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph
office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her
that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer
to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'


The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then
adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull,
the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one
word.


After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send
her the word 'comfortable.'


The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you
want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to
haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word
'comfortable?'


The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll read
it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'

[mom]

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.


At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all
Led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go
Back to earth and be anyone you wish to be


The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;"


And *poof* she's gone.


The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.


The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."


St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he ask


"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.


St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't
Ring a bell."


The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.


St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and
Says.


"No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months."


If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!

[mom]

Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, “I must tell you something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.”

“Thank God,” says an elderly nun in the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”

[mom]

A teacher gave her class of 11 year olds an assignment: To get their
parent to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their
stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying
hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front
seat

of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs got
broken.

"What's the moral of that story?" asked the teacher.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"

"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers
too.
But we raise chickens for the meat market. One day we had a dozen
eggs,
but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to
this
story is, 'Don't count your chickens before they're hatched'."

"That was a fine story Sarah."

Michael, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes. My daddy told me this story about my Aunty Sharon. Aunty Sharon
was a flight engineer on a plane in the Gulf War and her plane got
hit.

She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle
of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.


She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then
she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.

She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of
bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade
broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."

"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did
your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the **** away from Aunty Sharon when she's been drinking."

[mom]

FINANCIAL ARRANGEMENTS







A man suffered a serious heart attack and had an open heart bypass surgery.

He awakened from the surgery to find himself in

the care of nuns at a Catholic Hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions

regarding how he was going to pay for his treatment.


She asked if he had health insurance.

He replied, in a raspy voice,
"No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank.
He replied, "No money in the bank.."



The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"

He said, "I only have a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun became agitated and announced loudly,

"Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."



The patient replied, " Then send the bill to my brother-in-law"

[mom]

A husband and wife came for counselling after 40 years of marriage. When

asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful

tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 40 years they had been

married.


She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,

loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of un-met

needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.


Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the

therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to

stand, embraced, and then kissed her passionately.


The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze.


The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife

needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?"


The husband thought for a moment and replied,..


"Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays,

but on Fridays, I go fishing."

[crush_23]

Muslim: Libog ko aning mga kristyano. kun ila igsoon mamatay, sila magluto baboy, manok, baka ug magkumbira...kung ila gani Ginoo mamatay, magbinignit ra.....


heheheh

[twelve11]

Muslim: Libog ko aning mga kristyano. kun ila igsoon mamatay, sila magluto baboy, manok, baka ug magkumbira...kung ila gani Ginoo mamatay, magbinignit ra.....


heheheh

haha sakto pud dah!!

[crush_23]

heheheh lingaw noh..nyehehehh

[nardo1878]

hahaha lingaw jud!