Looking for: Guidance and Advice

[dulasnom]

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the way you told your story, it seems like you did not confront her about your concerns.
thus, i could say that it's you who made her like that.
I suspect that she did not turn like that overnight.
she might have slowly turned like that because of the way you treated her.
basta imo man gud panggaon ug maayo, mag-abusar.

breaking up with her would be very cruel...
talk with her about your concerns first.
when you talk, be frank and firm.

but don't expect for her to change right away.
give her time to change...

[jeff_bonz59]

First of all, I'm no special guy.

I'm a simple, dedicated, hardworking, and independent 20 some year old dude, in some boring town somewhere up north Cebu - whose main purpose in life is to be a better person - a man who can provide for his family; a man who wants nothing but make everyone around him feel they're loved and cared for.

I'm quite not understanding the problem I'm facing. I am not sure if it is just me or my partner's really being unfair. I'm in a 4 year relationship with a woman who I originally thought as someone who thinks the same way I do. Somebody who understands that in a relationship, it's a give or take kind of thing.

We originally started just fine. Our relationship seems to be getting better and better each year - or so I thought. I'm earning a good sum with my stable job (undisclosed for security reasons) while my partner has recently graduated college. We're living together because I originally thought it's a good start, a good plan to better our understanding and awareness of each other for our future family. All plans seem to be working pretty great for the first couple months. Then, something hit me! Something I am extremely worried about.

She's got some attitude that no independent person appreciates (or again, maybe it's just me) - A clingy, not motivated, no sense of responsibility type of a partner. (I know, I maybe too harsh, but this is exactly what I feel right now.)

She's not the kind of girl who goes out and act wild in some bars at night. She's a typical woman who loves staying at home. However, she's also the woman who easily complains about almost every possible thing humanly imaginable - loud noise of the neighbors baby, chickens roaming around our place, the heat of the sun, or even some neighbors attitude. Then, when we talk about plans for the future, especially if it involves her looking for a job, so she can support herself, buy things she needs (or even the "wants") - she knows all possible reasons to avoid the said topic as if it's a taboo topic to discuss in public.

I'm the one paying for all bills and it looks like she's not giving a darn about it. She sometimes even have the guts to ask me to cook after my tiresome day after work because she's playing some kind of games in her phone.

Lastly, I feel I'm not free to make my own decisions no more. Since I mentioned that she's a clingy girl, she always want me beside her. If not, she always want to be part of my every activities including some casual dinner with old pals from my previous company. I am in hell.

Now, after all the things I've been dealing with now, I am not certain if this is still love that I have for her, or is this just merely pity. Pity because I know if I will turn my back on her, she's going to be in a really, really bad shape. Her world is revolving around me, and me on her's. I'm missing a huge part of my life because of this nonsense.

I may sound being selfish right now, but this is the voice inside me trying to shout out to all who care out there. Please help me make the right decision.

Mr. Independent.

You have this 4 year old relationship yet you practically don't know yet the person you're loving with UNLESS YOU SPEND the TIME LIVING AS A COUPLE.

This has been always a nightmare for most couples living out together first time, since its the ADJUSTMENT PROCESS that takes time getting used to...

You tried to ponder all your partner's shortcomings, because only when you're living together you begin to notice all of these.. I bet you did not discovered this when your living separately away before, I'm I right? or I'm I wrong?

I get to sense that your girl is not yet accustom to being independent ( as you have already). She might have been used to w/ her family before doing all the nitty hassle of fixing up and washing the dishes for her... Now she's contend to do it by herself.. WHICH I BET SHE's having hard time adjusting it...

Your girl I can sense is still bit NOT YET A MATURED PERSON whose accustom to being independent... I would suggest if you can, not to livein and give her back to her family (if you can). A PERSON CAN ONLY CHANGE FROM WITHIN...

GIVE HER TIME TO GROW AS A PERSON... only then she would realize all your efforts are worth the wait to her...


CHEERS!

[browniies]

been there ts.
akong ex kay spoiled kaayo sa iya family gud. immature pa. im clingy pero i can do things on my own still..i was just being clingy kay i work & went to school that time which gives us a very little time together kay di mi always magdungan ug uli, matog ug mumata..
but it just came to the point nga brutal na siya..which leads me to decide to come home nalang kay mamatay unya kog di oras sa ilang pader..

[silent-kill]

Give her some responsibilities ts, lead the relationship on where you want it to go.

But if she does not respect you, then you have to kick her out.

[<SMILE>]

She's not the kind of girl who goes out and act wild in some bars at night. She's a typical woman who loves staying at home. However, she's also the woman who easily complains about almost every possible thing humanly imaginable - loud noise of the neighbors baby, chickens roaming around our place, the heat of the sun, or even some neighbors attitude. Then, when we talk about plans for the future, especially if it involves her looking for a job, so she can support herself, buy things she needs (or even the "wants") - she knows all possible reasons to avoid the said topic as if it's a taboo topic to discuss in public.

I'm the one paying for all bills and it looks like she's not giving a darn about it. She sometimes even have the guts to ask me to cook after my tiresome day after work because she's playing some kind of games in her phone.

For me it's the last remark I find objectionable, she should take care of you.
In my own point of view it's a man's duty to become the family's bread winner and the woman would only assist if financial predicaments arises. I like a wife to be who's not acting wild in bars at night and is a homebody type of a person, it's quite perilous for a wife who loves painting the town red.

[kitkabloey]

kumusta naka ts? hehe

I hope you made the right decision.
Give man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach man how to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
nag salig naman gud siguro na siya ts kay okay ra inyo kahimtang ron, maybe that's why wa siya maningkamot kay naa raka pirmi para mu provide of finance..