Best jokes ever..

[four23]

---

TRANSLATION TIME!

English:
Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you.

Tagalog:
Huwag kang ganyan, kung ganyan ka, huwag naman ganun.

Bisaya:
AYAW PAG ANA! DI RABA KA PAANA!

hahaha mao!

[freetaste]

Boy watches his mom and dad having ***
and says:
Boy: What are you doing?
Dad: Making you a brother or sister.
Boy: Do her doggy style I want a puppy.


HAHAHAHAHAHA

made my day.

[bula1980]

Angry Husband is not happy with his wife so he sent a message to his mother –in –law.
“ Your product does not match my requirement “
Smart Mother –in Law replies:
“ Warranty expired , manufacturer not responsible after seal is Broken “

[bula1980]

A Doctor opened a clinic & wrote outside the clinic:

Any treatment for P300.00 & if we cant treat, you will be paid back P1000.00
A CLEVER Man comes to do fraud & get P1000.00
He says to the Doctor: I cant feel any taste on my tongue...
Doctor asks the Nurse to put few drops of medicine from box no 22.
After that the MAN shouts: --- Oh my God its chilly....
The doctor says congratulations your sense of taste is back now.
The MAN was angry as he lost P300.00
After 2 weeks MAN comes back again & this time he thinks to get back his
previous P300.00
MAN : Doctor i have lost my memory.
Doctor: Nurse! pls put some drops of medicine from Box no 22 on his
tongue.
MAN : Wait doctor but that medicine is for sense of taste.
Doctor: Congratulations your memory is back.

[cranberry]

[skyeblu]

lol literal kaayo

[bula1980]

Born a Baptist (From youthink.com)

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper.

This went on each Friday of Lent. On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John, he was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to Catholicism.

They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are a Catholic." The men were so relieved--now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses!

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent? The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying, "You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

[peesoot]

[bula1980]

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,

"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

[<SMILE>]

Share ko gamay.

naay usa ka buktot nga galagot sa iyang kinabuhi..

Buktot: huhuhuhu....
Amigo: bay ngano man ka? knsay nag away nmo?
Buktot: mga bugalbugalon nga estambay bay..
Amigo: ngano man bay?
Buktot: ang-ang bay ila man ko permi sungogon nga buktot ko..
Amigo: ah, sagdi nlng na sila bay, gabaan lng na sila nmo.. ay nag hilak bay..
Buktot: ah di mahimo bay, kinahanglan jud ko manimalos nila.. bantay lng na sila bay..
Amigo: unsa man diay imng buhaton?
Buktot: magtuon kog karate bay..
Amigo: cge bay

AFTER 3 MONTHS OF PRACTICING

Buktot: huhuhuhuh
Amigo: uh bay, ngang nihilak nman pud ka? gsungog ghapun ka nila og buktot?
Buktot: wa nman bay..... kay ako nman sila gi-karate..
Amigo: nya nganung naghilak naman pud ka?
Buktot: ang-ang di nman Buktot ilang e-sungog nako..
Amigo: unsa nman diay?
Buktot: Ninja Tutle nah!!!!!!
__________________________________________________ _

Intsik: Unsa mana sa pikas?
St. Peter: Wala, impyerno. Grabeh ka init!!
Intsik: pwede ko mobalhin ngadto?
St. Peter: Ha? Ngano man??!
Intsik: Init man gud to ngadto, maligya ko ice water.

________________________________________________

A man confess

Pari: What's your problem, son?
Man: I'm so depressed, Father.
My son is an addict, my daughter is a prostitute and
my wife is a gambler.
Pari: Tsk! Tsk! Disastrous! Is there anything
positive in your life, son?
Man: Naa, Father... my AIDS test...

____________________________________________

Duha ka inano nanggamit ug babaye. Niabang ug kwarto nga nagtapad.

INANO1: Paita ani uy. Di man gyud mobarog ako-a!

(Samtang iyang madungog sa pikas kwarto.)

INANO2: Padung na sab ko...1...2...3...ugh!

(Tibuok gabii.)

Pagka-ugma.

INANO1: Komusta man gabii pre? Pwerte gyud nakong uwawa uy. Wa man gyud mobarog si junior!

INANO2: Kana, imong gika-uwaw? Wa man gani ko nga ultimo pagkat-kat sa katre, wa gyud ko kahimo!

__________________________________________________ ______________________________________

Na-ay iro. Bright ka-ayo. Ingnon 2 + 2, mo tubag dayon
siya 4 ka aw-aw. Nakahibalo ang silingan,
gipangutana ang iro... 2 milyon + 2 milyon, ni tubag ang iro aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw aw-aw............

Hangtod karon,
sige pag aw-aw ang iro! niwang na ka-ayo