Best jokes ever..

[Nefarian]

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Republicans in Hell

While walking down the street one day, a Republican head of state is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in." says the Republican.

"Well, I'd like to but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in Hell and one in Heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," says the Republican head of state.

"I'm sorry but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts the Republican to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a club and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him, everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. Also present is the Devil (a Republican, too), who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that, before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a big hug and waves while the elevator
rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on Heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven." So 24 hours pass with the Republican head of state joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in Hell and another in Heaven. Now choose your eternity."

He reflects for a minute, then the head of state answers: "Well, I would never have thought it, I mean Heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in Hell."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to Hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he is in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. The Devil comes over to the Republican and lays an arm on his neck.

"I don't understand," stammers the Republican head of state. Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and club and we ate lobster and caviar and danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.

The Devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning. Today you voted for us!"

[rodrigz]

Nuon at Ngaun

Nuon ang mga matatanda bago ikinakasal hinintay muna ang kabilogan ng buwan bago ikinakasal..tapos ang mga bata ngaun hinihintay muna... ang kabilogan ng tiyan bago ikinakasal.....

[kageron]

Asawa: Nganu nag hubog2x naman sad ka?
Bana: Naningkamot ko para mo gwapa ka

[Protakloy Tagoytoy]

bata nanawag sa taga septic tank:

SIR: "hello! septic tank services, may i help you?"
BATA: "kamo to'ng tig suyop ug Ta-e...?"
SIR: "yes dong, kami...ngano man?
BATA: "nya lami.....?"

taahahahahaha!

[kageron]

mama:nak nganu ngkabulingit man ka?ngkamuritsing mn lang na ang lawas nmu...
anak: ma nakabantay ka anang kanal daplin sa dalan ma??
mama:uu anak nakabantay ko ana..nganu man??
anak:ako wla.

[adzilla81]

mama:nak nganu ngkabulingit man ka?ngkamuritsing mn lang na ang lawas nmu...
anak: ma nakabantay ka anang kanal daplin sa dalan ma??
mama:uu anak nakabantay ko ana..nganu man??
anak:ako wla.

More pa boss Kagz grabeha ka lingaw aning mga humor nmo short ra pero makakawata jud ta =D

[kempoy]

uppp wala nay lain? lingaw kaau sobra

[kageron]

Conduktor: Pletehan nang bata mam?
mama: Dili ako lang ni sabakon
Bata: Ma! Pletehe pud ko oi imo gud kung anak

[jonz]

papa: dong unsa man imong ganahan inig dako nimo?
anak: aw kuan pa ganahan ko mg politician, ibawal nko ang mga palahubog
papa: ayaw ana dong makurakot ka ana, bad na
anak: ikaw pa unsa man imong pangandoy inig dako nimo?
papa: wala nko nangandoy dong. tiguwang nko
anak: ah grabi sd nimo pa.. dugay nang dako imong tiyan cge inom hangtod karon wala ghapon ka pangandoy..
papa: !@$%^&*

[maiden_asj]

Juan: Ma, naka decide na akong manirahan ng mag isa.

Mama: Mabuti yan anak. Independent living.

Juan: Na hala, inilagay ko na po damit ninyo sa labas nay. Paki close lang nang gate after.

Booooooooooom