I know a lot of women out there who are in a relationship who is a playboy/chickboy/player or whatever you call this kind of guy is going through hell. I want to share my own experience and how I deal with it every single day still get pass through it.
Why him, why not the guy next door who will never break your heart?
For me, the reason is boredom. I tend to get bored and guys who are “buotan” are not my kind of thing. I like the drama, I like the competition (competing with the other girls), and most often they are good in bed.
Before you even think of leaving or continue having a relationship with this kind of guy, there is one thing you should know... Does he loves you? Or is he playing or fooling you around? How is this question answered?
Actions speak louder than words. Based on my observation with my beau, this is what I discovered:
1. He sticks with you like a glue, always see you and spend more time with you.
2. He is cracking jokes with you, laugh at your jokes, and happy being with you.
3. He is honest, shares his past relationships, his present textmates, etc.
I know you might say why I am tolerating him having textmates, etc. The reason is this, I know for a fact that men want variety, like tasting different kind of food, etc. I should have known got two uncles who are chickboys with 100+ gfs in total.
For me, I go for honesty. The mere fact that he is honest with me, shares his past and even his textmates with me is a big thing. Most guys do lie, hide, pretend that the girl they are with are the only one. I always tell myself, who am I kidding? I want him to feel that he can share everything with me even his current experiences with his textmates, I became his BESTFRIEND first and then his LOVER. This is to make myself be at ease everytime he is texting in front of me, or he is out and stuff.
In my past relationships, I tend to let the guy change for me. But with him, I accept him wholeheartedly 101% with all his strengths, weaknesses, and his capriciousness. It made me realized that love is unconditional and you must not set ground rules in order to satisfy yourself and let the other person suffer.
This is where COMPROMISE takes into the picture. We are totally opposite of each other. Here are some run downs of our usual issues and how we solve it.
1. He always make promises and break them.
I always emphasize to him, I hate “paasahon” ko and expecting something then it would not happen. It even come to a point it led to my paranoia and it costs us financially. Our work online did not do well and our finances went down. I was so sarcastic and insulted him, he was so blunt and frank he even hurt my feelings.
Solution:
I told him it’s better you don’t tell me you are going to do this or you gonna see me at the specific time and end up not seeing me, I’d love surprises. Better suprise me than make any promises you can’t keep.
So everytime he says I am gonna do this, etc. I always tell him, I believe what you say when you already do it. It seems am daring him or challenging him which will increase the probability his gonna do it.
So it turned out nobody get hurt in the process and we don’t argue on petty things.
2. About Him Having Textmates
Few months ago I can’t take what he is doing texting in front of me what I did, I was looking for textmates keep on texting in front of him for a week and did meet up with the guys. I warned him if he does not going to stop it I will take revenge and do the same. He did not listen. So, he did noticed I am always texting, and it’s unusual coz he is the only person whom I going to text. These are the things I told him:
You know am a bad loser, I am going to have my revenge no matter what. Now you know how I feel everytime you are doing it to me. I don’t care whatever you do outside whether you are going to meet girls, have date, etc. When you are with me your focus is on me. I want you to spend time quality time with me.
I even said, “My world does not revolve around you”. It hurt him and he said, I did not say your world revolve around me, etc. It went for a week that our relationship was shaky. But we talk and were logical.
Solution:
I told him, everytime I am going to talk something you listen, and stop everything you do. So he can still text in front me but when I wanna talk to him, he should not ignore me and pay full attention to whatever I say. So we are both happy.
3. Looking At Other Women While We Are Together
I don’t have any issues about this thing. I take it lightly. Sometimes, insecurities set in this is what usually happens.
He looks at a girl, and then stop, then we go back talking.
I know guys are very visual but I can not understand why he still want to look at other women when I am already looking beautiful and sexy for him. I ask him regarding this matter, what are you looking at and what is going on inside your brain. This is what he said, “I look at the chest area, the waist, butt, and legs (if wearing shorts). Then, he will ask himself how does it feels like having *** with that woman. Then, after that the idea will just pass. That’s it.
Solution:
So what usually happens, if I see someone a girl who is yummy, etc. I will tell him first and we evaluate. I am going to ask him, are you going to have *** with that girl? His answer will vary, and then if he sees a girl first, he will tell me and we evaluate. We even make comments and just laugh our hearts out.
4. The Cheating Issue
We both know that each of us are capable of cheating and it can go to the extreme since we were open to our past relationship. For him, texting other girls is not cheating coz I already know about it and he is not hiding it. To some point, I accept his statement. But he know I am capable of doing worst what he did.
We had exchange of words like talking calmly and logically. I said to him, “ You know what it’s so unfair why you can have textmates and have *** with other girls and I can’t?” If you are going to do it, I must do it also. I believe in equality.
He said to me, it’s different. I’m a guy am going to lose nothing. I don’t want to share you with other guys.
Told him, I don’t want you to share with other girls as well. He told me, I can have *** with them without having emotional attachment. I am not attached to them.
I said to him, it’s not you whom I am afraid of it’s the girls coz they are going to bother and run after you for sure, who are going to be attached to you.
Solution:
We have not come to a concrete solution to this, it’s like a trial and error method. But what I did, I told him, I don’t care wherever you are, whatever you do, as long as I get ***.
As for him texting, meeting up or having *** with another girl, I know this will happen sooner or later. What I do now, I don’t think about it every single day coz I will go crazy and it will ruin our relationship.
We did make a deal, if we ever meet someone who is much better than the other we are going to inform each other before it is going to lead to serious relationship (3rd party). At least each of us will be prepared and pack up, then leave.
What I do when I am with him? I make sure we had a great time, talking about politics, stuff, etc. He is more intelligent than me so it’s really entertaining to talk to a guy with sense. Then, we both have good sense of humor and we just laugh so hard that our stomach hurts.
I make sure that I am going to spend every single day with him as if it was our last time together. At least, if tomorrow never comes I will never regret anything.
One more thing, I did tell him from the very start – don’t say “I love you”. I hate these words, they are misused, abused, many women fall for that trap. I am not that kind of woman, I am the exception to the general rule.
We don’t even have monthsary or anniversary I forgot the date when he became my beau. So we never had petty fight about him forgetting gift for anniversary, etc.
What he does, he will say I love you out of the blue...and I will say it to him out of the blue as well. I tell him, I am the type of woman who does not say I love you always. I just say it when I really mean it.
When he say, I love you my response will not be I love you too... usually, I tell him, “ka-cheesy, ka-gilok”, “tactics nasad, pilit na lage ko nimo” or “i love you more”. My answer to him vary... but when I say I love you to him, the usual scenario would be, “I am going to tell you something”, he will say, “go” then I whisper to his ear, “i love you”. Then, he will hug me tight and say, “i love you too”
Sometimes, I ask questions like “do you love me”, “why do you love me”, I always tell him I asked these questions because I want to not because I am doubtful about you, pa-cheesy sad ba. At least, it will not be boring.
Then, I do remind him if I am going to argue with you, pick up a fight out of nowhere when everything is doing well and all of a sudden “kalet” ra ko, I do not I mean everything I say, I only want one thing... it’s ***. Make-up *** is fun and at least we don’t bore each other. It adds spice to our relationship.
Lastly, we come to an agreement and we have the same view, “money will never be an issue in our relationship”. Never did we argue about money whose gonna pay when we have a date, etc.
Of all my past experiences, one thing I know “guys are not mind readers”. That’s why I make to a point that I communicate with him, tell him what I feel, why I don’t like what he is doing and what can be done by the two of us.
I just said to him for the past days, “this is the price you got to pay for having me” you need to see me from mon-fri, it’s your responsibility. I told him you only see me at your convenience not when I want to. That’s why I set ground rules to him.
He is an eccentric guy and told him, you know what other women will have difficulty dealing with you, but this is the price I got to pay for having you, I need to know how deal with your eccentricity and accept everything about you”.
Hope I have enlightened some women out there who are in the same situation as I am now...btw, we are going on our 6th year...
Having A Relationship With A Playboy/Chickboy/Player Is Not Easy
Originally Posted by lejean
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