the loveletter you never sent?

[anniepetilla]

---

i tried to write a fan fiction of the two of us once.
last year yun....june? or maybe july.
After we went to Monsi's place for the fiesta... do u remember
that day? you asked me why i eat so much and never grow tall..as if nasa kanin ang height molecules...
so i wrote a fan fiction in a spiral notebook.
You even saw me scribbling in it one time, in class.
And you said: kumusta ang ating writer? Anong strange plot na naman ang nadevelop natin?
Napahiya ako. Standing joke kasi ako sa klase. Pajama writer daw. Sulat nang sulat. Drawing ng drawing.
Hindi ako naapektuhan noon. It goes with the territory of being the class' lil judy. (Peste kasing height at boobs yan..di dumating-dating!)
But at that time, I remember, nainis at napahiya ako.
To think I was writing about you, and me, us.
It was as if tinampal mo ako ng pagkalaki laking sign board saying: HOY GUMISING KA! THERE IS NO STORY IN US.

WHich left me thinking. Indeed, there isnt.
SIno ka nga ba sa buhay ko? Sa school lang naman tayo nagkikita ah?
Mag-usap man tayo, perfunctory.
MAy mga araw na di tayo nagpapansinan. May mga araw naman
na nakukuha kong suntukin ang braso mo. at pagtawanan ang hairdo mo.

Nahahalata mo kaya iyon? Pag nakatingin kasi ako sayo
nakakalimutan kong ibaba ang kurtina sa mukha ko.
nao-obvious tuloy. Or maybe unconsciously, gusto ko
talaga mahalata mo.

Anyway, I wrote us a fan fiction. KAhit sabi nga kalahati ng utak ko:
Kawawa ka naman, annie. Tigilan mo nga yan. that's a LOSER thing to do eh. out of taste. hibang.
Pero ginawa ko. Parang therapy na rin. After school, diretso sa kwarto at magsusulat. Ano ang plot? Wala. Ikaw lang at ako.

Nasa law school na daw ako. At ikaw, sa dati mo pa ring job. At himala, close friends na daw tayo. MAs mabait ka na sa akin. MAs sweet. Mas maalalahanin. Minsan nga natatawa ako sa mga dialogue na ikinakabit ko sa bibig mo.

"LAmigin ka talaga ano?" "MAhusay ka namang estudyante."
"Ayokong sabihin mo na ugali kong manghiram ng damit at di na isoli iyon".

Marami akong scenario na kini-create. NAroong birthday mo daw at nagpunta tayo sa bahay mo sa Villa San Juanico. Kukunin natin ang mga monoblock chair. Umulan. Malakas. Hindi natin makita ang daan dahil sa fog. Pababa pa naman ang daan. Sabi mo: "Hintayin muna nating tumila. Mahirap bumaba pag ganitong zero visibility. O, umalis ka diyan. Maanggi diyan baka magkasakit ka pa." Like a line from a Piolo Pascual movie.

Pero walang torrid huh! Promise. DI ko pa mareach ang level na yun.
Just pa-tweetum stuff. Ako lang bumabasa.

But it never reached an ending. Maraming beses kong iniba ang katapusan. Pero nitong huli, napagpasyahan kong iwanang di tapos. Mas realistic kasi. Walang nangyari sa tin eh.

Tamo, ni hindi nga tayo nagkapaalaman. Last time na nakita kita...finals natin. Blackout noon. At kandila ang ginamit natin sa exams. 6-8 pm. Para ngang padasal. Or a novena session. I thought it was the most memorable exam ive ever taken. Ever. Because you sat infront of the room, and you cant see me so I looked at you for a long, long time. I can only see your bent profile. You were hunched over some papers.

I just stared at your nape, your ear, the collar of your shirt, your hair.
I abandoned my exam paper for about ten minutes. It did not matter that
my other classmates were deep into answering the baffling essay crap. I was feeling a lil out of sorts. This would probably be the last time that were gonna see each other, since graduation na next month. Ah, man. Ang dali naman ng goodbyes! I had your number and I check out your friendster account from time to time, but damn it if im gonna tet you or invite you in friendster! It just doesnt seem cool.

But I stared at you with not a little sadness and wonder.

I was thinking: Ang layo mo naman. But Im still looking at you.

And then-horrors of horrors! You actually looked up. And you saw me watching.
Paano ba um-escape? Hindi ko matandaan kasi kung ano dapat ang ginagawa ko instead of sitting there like a stupid fool gazing at your ear!

In the waning light from the windows, you looked at me with what looked like gentle bemusement. Then you smiled. You didn't show your teeth,
but you smiled at me. You actually did.

And I smiled back. I did not know where all that happy feeling that was spreading inside my chest is coming from, but I smiled for all I was worth. Bakeet? Maybe my nose had a smudge from the candle propped up in my chari, or maybe I looked funny in the eerie light. Whatever. I did not give a hoot.

Then I looked down. You looked down. Back to business.

Itinatanong ko lang kung in love ba ako sayo. Which is really impossible, since I did not know you that well. And you knew so little of me. And I figured, Im a little too old for fan fictions. Pang-high school lang ito. Kilig is only as good as it lasts.

But when was the last time na nakipagngitian ka sa isang tao nang walang dahilan and felt so happy?

[pazuzu690]

It’s never easy giving a letter a start after the end of a relationship. But I have come to a point where everything in my life is divided into only two parts – before and after you. And I have to at least, in some way, let you know that, if only in baring my pain to you help me sustain my grip on reality in this indifferent world. Before us, I’ve always thought that for whatever it is, if it was given an end, it is terminated, done with, and never to be dealt with again. Then I realized, you were the beginning of a lot of the best things that ever happened to me. You were a catalyst for some of the major changes that I have so gladly embraced. Changes that for the years to come would serve as the defining characteristics of my being. And it’s never easy to part with someone I have not only come to regard as someone being with me, but also, someone in me. I know that as far as you are concerned, to you, I’m just one of those characters in the after in the before and after scenes that pass by your life. I know that you probably have not the slightest inkling in thinking of me again. And that you want me to let everything go and just move on. I know you mean well but how can I? While you were the story of my life, you were also a cliffhanger. While you were the fruit orchard that my soul and my dreams walked naked, you were also the iron gate that caught my skin and ripped my body open. And I just couldn’t walk away from a part of me and never look back. It’s true that you were the sweetest torment I have ever ventured upon. But it’s also true that I have never regretted any point in our relationship. I was always looking forward to being with you. I don’t think anyone could ever find regret in having a life. You were my life. If I have never made you feel that, I’m sorry. You were. If I have made a lousy display of my affection, I apologize. While these all pertain to events in an elapsed time, I have two great concerns in the present. First, is that, I miss you. I do. You were, after all, and still are, an addiction. A breath of fresh air in the polluted and pungent city atmosphere, so to speak. This is true and not just some cheap, outdated “guy modus operandi” to lure you back to something you tried to run away from. Second, is that, I would really want to know what happened. And being imperfect as I am, please tell me where I have gone wrong and what I should have done to be that guy you have always wanted to have but never had while with me. I know I never came close to “the next best thing” that ever happened to you but I think I deserve at least a semi-educated, semi-literate, semi-civilized conversation, if only it were to end a relationship, a life, a we. That, and an explanation at least. You may not anymore want me as I am but at least help me see the faults that I made and make myself better. Give me also an occasion to air myself out to you. Give me at least a chance to hear you say it to me in a nice way. A chance to see your face when you break it to me. Maybe feel what you’re feeling. Maybe see your visions. Maybe be with you again…

[anniepetilla]

whoa. and i thought i had a sad love story.
wuhuhuu..
touched ko!

[anniepetilla]

:P

[*Baby_Bru*]

hayy we all have our own story to tell.. each different with the other... :P

[anniepetilla]

dear aldo,

buang na sad ka..balik ntaw'n ang akong papel!

love, annie

[P-Chan]

gi unsa ninyo ang love letter na wala inyo gi padala?

[anniepetilla]

gi unsa ninyo ang love letter na wala inyo gi padala?

gihilakan every night b4 sleep takes over..
aw kay!
romeo and juliet slant...hehe
tragic!

[P-Chan]

imo unta gi send.. bisan snail mail nalang..

[anniepetilla]

imo unta gi send.. bisan snail mail nalang..

huh? wat 4? walang mangyayari..pagtawanan ka lang..