Best jokes ever..

[SioDenz]

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Katabang nga taga Bukid ug ignorante nanghinlo sa kwarto sa iyang amo nga chicksboy. Nakakita siya sa mga condom nga ginamit naa sa salog:

Inday: Sir, unsa ning naa sa salog?
Sir: Condom na inday gamit sa JerJer, Wa diay ka kaila ana?
Inday: Wa jud sir.
Sir: Wa diay JerJer sa inyung bukid day?
Inday: Naa man sir Pero di sad ing ani ka grabe nga hasta ang panit manga Langkat.

[kageron]

CHINESE

Titser: Stand up Teban and translate the word to chinese.
Teban: Yes Mam!
Titser: What's Dili na virgin in chinese?
Teban: Wang-Wang mam!

hahaha

[~VaiN~RioT~]

Juicy Fruit

Anak: Tay! Tay! Paliti ra gud ko atong makaon pareha atong gikaon sa akong migo

Tatay: sige dong ! Unsa mana?

Anak: Jusy Pruwit !

Tatay: Dong ! Di mana Jusy Pruwit

Anak: Unsa diay na Tay?

Tatay: Buggle Bum mana!

Hahaha

[vonscrups]

lola: mamang driver ehunong rako sa unahan kay mangihi ko

(nihunong ang driver sa unahan... ug samtang nanghi c lola nka otut poot....)

driver: ah! kuyawa nimu mangihe la oi dala man otut!

lola: aw, ana jud na dong basta naa gani ULAN
naa jud nay DUGDUG!

hahahahahaha......

[g0dmenuelz]

kani george carlin views on religion...... not for the faithful or easy ma offend hahaha.

George Carlin - Religion is bullshit. - YouTube

[rare_phoenix]

Pacquiao: excuse me , are you depressed?
priest: no im very happy
pacquiao: you look like depressed
priest: no im really very happy
pacquiao: but you're in white! you must be depressed!
Priest: white? ah yes! i am the priest!
pacquiao: dats wat i mean you know

hahahahaha taya

[goodwitch]

Cia
the cia had an opening for an assassin. After all the backgrounds checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were 3 finalists 2 men and a woman.

For the final test, the cia agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "we must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances." inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. "kill her!!!" the man said "you can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." the agent said "then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "i tried, but i can't kill my wife." the agent said, "you don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.

Finally, it was the women's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow. "this gun is loaded with blanks", she said. "i had to beat him to death with the chair."

[goodwitch]

18 Goes Into 54

"To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.

Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed, I shall be back home before midnight."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old.

As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference.

18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow."

[goodwitch]

A LITTLE FLAB .....

One morning a man walked up to his wife while she was making breakfast, pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of your control top panty hose".

While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent. The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra."

This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his "wackie". With a death grip, she said, "You know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother."

[kenjisatto1982]

ok it's my turn again... hehehe

TEACHER: (Natingala) Juan, nganong pirmi man jud ka perfect?
JUAN: (Ngisi-ngisi pa) NIbilib na jud ka nako mam? ang akong MATA pa lng gani ang gipalihok...
unsa na lng kahag UTOK pa?