How must I deal with an almost "psychological imbalanced" boyfriend?

[love_stinks]

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Yah I know, it seems so cruel to describe him as such, but the words seem to suit him perfectly.... so perfect that, yep, he already scares me and I'm already having doubts of spending my life with him, especially now that he's offering to tie the knot...

I said "psychological imbalanced" because he baffles me most of the time. He always pick a fight with me, like every single day, because of his insane jealousy, founded on his gut feelings whatsoever . His doubts and accusations are more ridiculous and funny than maddening, I admit, but it happens everyday! ohh boy! What's more sickening is that he always make sure my anger and disappointment at his behavior is gone by the end of the day (by pretending and/or forgetting and/or acting that nothing happened) and then he promises he won't throw such pathetic accusations again. But then he repeats the same mistake the next day! The worst part is, I love him, so what can I say? I forgave him over and over.... But I don't wanna do this with him forever

S.O.S.

[diem]

@love_stinks, first let me say that you have my deepest sympathies for being in such a situation. I cannot confidently say that I could give you sound advice since I do not know you and your boyfriend personally.

What I do have however are questions which I hope you will take time and thought to consider in answering not necessarily publicly in this forum but deep inside yourself.


1) I assume that you yourself have wondered what is the source of your boyfriend's irrational behavior and you have talked it out with him. Did he share with you his problems? Did he show that he trusts you by confiding in you what's  bothering him or why is he acting this way?

Or did he just blow it off as if it isn't important?

If he did confide in you, that shows some dependence and trust on you-- if he didn't... hmm..

2) Are you close to his family? Are they aware about your relationship with him and your problems with his behavior? Have you talked to his parents or his siblings or other relatives?

After all, he did propose of tying the knot with you (your own words), so you know his family well? Perhaps they know what's bothering him or can help you with your own problems with him. I guess it could be a good way to get to know the future in-laws, what do you think?

3) How long have you been together? In all that time, did he make you happy or did you always have to fight?

4) I'm sure you love him since you say you've forgiven him so many times, but are you certain he loves you? Don't you think if he does love you sincerely, he wouldn't be causing you so much heartache?!

5) Do you honestly believe that Love is all about sacrifice and pain? Of allowing the one you love to hurt you?

Don't you think that love is supposed to be something to make your life worth living? Is your life all about him, your boyfriend who doesn't seem to know how to keep his promises? Is he worth it?

These questions, I hope, will guide you to a proper decision and action.

[Ms.Beau]

you can tell him that you'll stay with him only if you'd change careers, i.e., become his therapist and charge Php1,000 per day. that's discounted already ha.

[hittenmitsurugi]

hmmm...that's a pretty hard situation you have there miss love_stinks...if you already assured him that there is nothing or no one to be jealous about, then he might really have a psychological problem...maybe he has inferiority complex...like do you have a good pay at your job and he doesnt? or do you have a high position in a presitigous company and he is in the rank and file? it really is hard to cure a jealousy of that type...jealousy without reason...you've pretty much said it...it is like a cycle now...and it won't stop...not unless you break the cycle yourself...

[jugs_06]

you can tell him that you'll stay with him only if you'd change careers, i.e., becoming his therapist charging Php1,000 per day. that's discounted already ha.

hehehehe

@love_stinks: i'd be his therapist.. mahal rana kang ate b.. i'll charge him Php999.99 per day..

seriously, so you're kind of considering to marry him in the future but you're not too sure if in fact he'd attain that psychological level that you have and you hope that he'd be the person you want him to be but unfortunately he's just being a jerk and a crazy son of his mom..

whew..

are you thinking bout taking him to a therapist though? i guess ate b is right..

[Khitty]

Yah I know, it seems so cruel to describe him as such, but the words seem to suit him perfectly.... so perfect that, yep, he already scares me and I'm already having doubts of spending my life with him, especially now that he's offering to tie the knot...

I said "psychological imbalanced" because he baffles me most of the time. He always pick a fight with me, like every single day, because of his insane jealousy, founded on his gut feelings whatsoever . His doubts and accusations are more ridiculous and funny than maddening, I admit, but it happens everyday! ohh boy! What's more sickening is that he always make sure my anger and disappointment at his behavior is gone by the end of the day (by pretending and/or forgetting and/or acting that nothing happened) and then he promises he won't throw such pathetic accusations again. But then he repeats the same mistake the next day! The worst part is, I love him, so what can I say? I forgave him over and over.... But I don't wanna do this with him forever

S.O.S.

"psychological imbalance" is a bit of a strong word to use in describing your boyfriend. from what you said, i think he is just one of those guys who are insecure, has low self esteem and possessive. a common type of a guy. if your not doing something that provokes him and yet he acts this way then he is being unreasonable, childish and lame. is that the kind of boyfriend or husband you want to have? you forgive him over and over, right? then he will also do it over and over. you are in a vicious cycle and you won't really get anywhere with that. you will just find your self constantly putting up and complaining about him. if you want to change his behavior then change your own first.

[mike_iansat]

kung ako ikaw aw ikaw nalang. ngano nag antos pman ka ana? sobra ra kaayo ka ka-patient. heewwww!

[love_stinks]

Hi all, thanks for you replies and your expressions of concern.

I'm pretty certain that those are of course strong words to describe someone I love, I have no excuses, I used the words because they best describe him for the moment. You're right, I think I have to rethink of my own "doormat" behavior first. Yup, I am a push-over most of the time, and it's because I hate fights and arguments. I always say yes to him or always say, "yeah it's my fault honey, can you forgive me?" Even if it's as clear as diamonds that it was his fault. That's why he abuses. I never gave him reasons to be jealous, it's just that he's been in a relationship where his ex played him for a fool. It is hard for him to trust someone again. I am trying real hard to earn his trust, but nothing, I might as well play around, he wouldn't notice the difference. I'm in a situation where, I'm "doomed if I do and doomed if I don't", I stayed because it's not me who jumps from one relationship to another, I always give a relationship a chance, hoping that somehow, it'll survive all tests. Besides, I love him and we've been "us" for 2 years now. It's just that his past keeps on haunting him and then I become a victim of it too. I really wanted to help him let go of the past, but he's not helping me, he's attacking me. And nowadays he's being a real "pain in the ***"

Sigh, I've thought this over and over... I guess I'll just have to let him go... Thanks for hearing me guys, you've been a great help.