need advice.I don't like my bf's brother

[lexxus_dylan]

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i don't know what to do and to whom i should talk about this because i don't like my family and relatives to know what i am feeling and experiencing right now..

well..i actually have a long time bf and we plan to get married after a year or two.

Actually i don't have any major problem with him, the problem is his younger brother who visits me here in my condo is a pain.Selfish i may be but i don't like the way he cares for my things here in..i live alone and single and working, the things i own are precious..
he is soo clumsy than he broke my plates, my one and only large mirror...
also he when he uses my computer and surf the internet..it takes him whole day sitting on the computer.he doesn't even clean his room where he sleeps or wash the dishes...
Plus, he doesn't cook.ang ending ako murag MAID!!!! mag sunod sunod sa iyang trabaho
i highly value cleanliness pero i just can't take his ways.he is grown up already and graduated college..there are still a lot of shameful things i hate about him...
my bf doesn't know about what i felt or what his brother is doing.when he's here his younger brother seemed ok.hadlok man sya kasab an.
hayyy..i just can't imagine myself getting married with my bf tagging his brother to my home.
i don't know what to tell to my bf kay basun ako nasad ang mahimong bad but i cannot keep his brother any longer.it kills me.
unsaon nalang...

[kross]

u better tell that to ur bf ,for sure he'll understand.so that his brother will b aware of everything.
if not mahimo jud ka ug maid dha....

[diem]

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@lexxus_dylan, I'm just wondering lang po why are you hesitating in communicating your concerns to your 'fiance' about his younger brother's behavior in your home?

I have some assumptions po. I would be grateful if you could clarify by answering these questions.

1) Blood is thicker than water. Are you afraid po that this is true and if you talk to your boyfriend, he will take the side of his brother against you?

2) Are you afraid po of causing friction between your boyfriend and his brother?

Anyway, relationships problems like this po are not so complicated but it requires some delicacy and tact eh. I have some options I could suggest to you.

A) Talk to your boyfriend gently sharing your concerns. He loves you, he should know your habits, likes and dislikes. Ask him kindly if he could 'request' his brother to be more considerate for you. Perhaps you could begin the conversation with your boyfriend by asking what are his plans concerning his brother once you are married na.

Talk to your future husband. You need his help. It's his brother.

B) You might not enjoy this option but how about having a talk with the brother? Gently let him know that you are concerned about his habits and since I believe it is YOUR condo, you have to set some ground rules that both of you can agree on. Since he is an adult, treat as one and have this talk to clear the air. Easier said than done, maybe but if you prepare and write down some agenda/rules/objectives, it could help.

C) Adapt yourself. If you do not relish a direct confrontation, there are means naman to silently and indirectly engage your boyfriend's brother's habits. Like for an example, place your computer and the internet into your bedroom where your houseguest could not get at it and lock the door whenever you're out.

D) Accept the situation. No I'm not saying be a martyr. Perhaps consider lang that the situation can be a lot worse. There are a lot of more unsavory habits and vices in the world, he is going to be family anyway so why not put up with it for awhile and pray that he would soon change his ways?

[joco_ph]

ipa dukol sa imong bf

[lexxus_dylan]

@ Diem

thanks a lot for your advice

1. yeah, you're right that i am anxious of to whom my bf would take side since i sincerely know that " blood is thicker than water." Actually i tried to talk to my fiancee to tell his brother not to forget to flush the toilet bowl every after use.My god, it makes me sick cleaning the bathroom for him.mga little ways lang man but they are filed up and i could not tell anyone about it.mauwaw ko.after my stressful work and get home instead of relaxing, i couldn't.instead i clean up his mess.Well, he cleans my place but he couldn't maintain it though and then creates mess again.
2.I DID TRY to talk to him giving him instructions but to no luck,same problems occur, sometimes it's worse.Plus one thing i HATE about him is he talks back.I am not a nagger nor maldita.I have been trained at home not to talk back especially when I am wrong.So it makes me furious and then i stop talking letting him feel that i am upset.*sighs*..i even told him to at least clean the living area or wash the dishes kay wala koy helper.
3.i don't know how long i can tolerate him.sometimes i don't want to go out of my bedroom nalng.I also plan to transfer my computer and internet inside my room pero he goes inside my room without permission and watches TV whenever i am out to work.I know it because my besheets are worn out and my pillows are disarranged when i get home..ok ra man sa ako mo lantaw sya tv basta lang he keeps the room as is when he gets inside..sakit lage sa ulo oist.I don't know what his reaction would be if i lock my room.He might say na dalu kaau ko or what.
4.my fiancee and i never had a major fight in our almost 5 years of relationship.. i am afraid this may trigger huge problem and a possible gap between me and his family.
sus ko gahapon, hapit jud gani masunog kay he left the gas range open..kung wala pa ko kauli sus sunog jud unta tanan

[diem]

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Gee, I am a guy and sometimes I am untidy but there is a limit. And yes I one of my chores at home is to clean the family bathroom.

@lexxus, you have to go with option A. Please have the courage to talk to your fiance about his brother. In this way, you could determine his worth as your future husband in the ways he shows and deals with your concerns.

You are going to be married soon, have a family and for sure there will be other sources of contention other than this. I pray that together you will overcome this to a satisfactory conclusion.

[doce_pares]

for a start, i guess u shud practice open communication w ur bf esp dat u r about 2 b married. although pointing out some of his or his folks shortcomings myt b quite a test on how mature u both r n handling such criticisms, it is stil wise dat u confide in him wat u feel n think towards things

second, u mentioned dat u rily dnt hav a prob w ur bf, so i assume he is mr right or sum1 vry close to 1. mayb dis cud b 1 rison y such imperfection on d part of his brother s perhaps magnified to some extent since u r nt used to such shortcomings. i don't mean to acquit ur soon-to-be bro-in-law from all d wrongdoings he has done bt maybe der's sum rison behind these things, behind such attitude.

[rickmags2000]

If you cant beat him join him pun intended...

yes you should open a line of communication with your bf, just imagine if at this stage you cant talk to your bf about this scenario thats bugging you how much more if youre married na it could only get worse...

am sure that your bf is pretty well aware already of your nature, considering you already are on the stage of drawing plans for your marriage, he may also have an idea of how you expect things to be or simply of your being a neat and tidy person, ill bet these are one of the traits he falls for you...certainly when you open up to him have these thoughts in your mind instead of the idea that he may side with his brother...that should give you enough resolve to open up to your bf...good luck!

[Streetcar]

Yes just make sure to talk to your bf about it. Since its your place, you are the boss, you impose the rules. I even tell my kids that as well. They live with me they have to abide by my house rules. Also it would help if you can just openly talk to your bf's brod and just casually bring up the matter in a nice constructive way of saying things and do that carefully so that he wont get offended. You can probably say, in a nice jokingly way, if you can clean up after your kalat, i'll treat you to something nice. Offer little positive incentives. Then he might become more involved. Ayaw nang magpakiramdaman lang kayo sa inyong mga movements. It creates tension in the end. Maybe give him a pat on the shoulder with a smile and say, i love you my little bro but can you please help me clean up our place a little bit? konting lambing siguro and smile not simangot, lol what do you think?

[d`monyita]

hay naku girl...if you cant talk to him about his brother....it will haunt you for life... kasi his brother wont go away... tolerating it now will create BIGGER FRICTION in the future. i have seen that happen to many families.

and if u cant talk to your fiance... then you should not marry. communication is VITAL to the success of any relationship.