-apleasingchaos-

months ago?
nah...

more like years ago!

for those "years ago" I have learned to be tough,
learned how " not to be swayed on by charms",
learned how to be on guard from those "sly" ones,
learned how to move and be on the watch.

Yes, I have become defensive.

It did not happen overnight. Nor over a span of months.
But years.. of pains, joys and trials.

What brought me thinking about this now?

It'll be another year for me.
Of my age and of my singleness.

Yes. I'm talking about my relationship status.

These are my straight confessions. Only on few times of the year.
Yes, I have what I want. What I dreamed and worked hard for..
At this point, I have become so comfortable with my status.

They ask me if I ever get lonely.
I'm human. Yes, I do. But I have gone past that stage that I get lonely and "Wish for someone to be there"
So yes, I get lonely.
But I don't get empty.

I don't have anything against relationships.
I'm all for it.
But for me, I guess, now I can admit...

I'm too scared ...

I know I'm stronger now. Smarter now. Tougher now.
But it's scarier now.
Now, that I have more understanding.
Now, that I am capable of hurting someone.

Most people think that my life is "lonely" , knowing that I don'thave a relationship.
On the contrary, I find it.... alive!
I maybe independent, but I'm not lonely.
I am complete on my own and I technically am not in search of someone to complete me.
But rather, maybe, someone who is also complete and both, we'll complement each other.


A few more days before it turns another year.
I'm happy and alive.
Single still, yes.

Maybe this year. I'll have some courage to be less scared.

a little less cared..
a little less pressure..

a little courage..
a little this.. a little that..

maybe something..
a lot like love..