Memoirs of an Amnesiac

Dear Adam,

I know we're both not the type who would profess our love for each other out in the forums. Don't worry I would take this note with utmost anonymity. I just wanted to express how much meeting you has enriched me not only as a woman but as a person.

For starters I have been way too selfish for having preconceived notions about men --- that they are a bunch of cheaters and liars. I have already explained how you have been an unworthy victim of this preconceived notion. You don't deserve every bit of cold treatment I gave you. It is this same notion that drove me to shut out all men in my life and this I think is way too selfish.

I'm thankful that you had more sense than I had or you would not have pursued me. Whatever it is that made you pursue me after all the shoving I did, I'm truly thankful for it. You did not just have me at hello but all the other cute and adorable things you did just to win me. It took a while and geez, I am so glad you have the patience of Job (Is he your grandfather? heheh).

For a while I thought, I could pretty much live on my own. I guess it's true when they said that you'll never know what you've lost until it's gone and you'll never know what you've been missing until it arrives. I've been living a totally complacent life until you hitched a ride on my wagon. I must say I was totally aghast for someone like you had the real nerves to mess up with me (or so I thought). I realized you were truly. Looking. For your missing rib.

Apart from food, our interests are endless. We both love adventure (although you are not as vagabond as I am). Even when you do love photography, you're not as fanatic as I am. But at the end of the day, when I tell you to accompany me to buy an (photography) accessory, you would do so just as long as you're free.

I like the fact that I can tell you what I think even before it hit the forums. I can share my deepest sentiments about work and you listen without interrupting me. You have always done so, even when we first met. While we were with common friends, you had been observing me. Even when I put on the mask, you will always see the person within the facade. You have that way with me. I can never bring myself to be dishonest with you because of all persons, you're the one who can see me deep down inside. And I like that about you (so much).

Because our work schedules don't always work to our advantage, we just live by constant communication through text messaging. I know it doesn't replace physical presence but somehow reading that you're ok, I'm happy just the same. Despite these, you never seize to amaze me. You always say you're just an ordinary man with ordinary needs but I see a brilliant person inside that constantly reminds me how much he thinks I am the smartest and sexiest woman alive (even without saying it out loud). When we do go out on dates, it feels like the first time. You are never without surprises. You are not what I call the romantic type but you are from an old school. This is another thing I love.

I've always told you that I'm not perfect and that there are no perfect relationships, just persons who constantly revel in their imperfections. I will never be in my best mood. There might be days that you would probably hate being with me by the way I get annoyed at things, with the way I deal with things or just the way that won't seem attractive to you. You probably might not like my choosing to be silent at times but I know you would understand me just the same. I love the way you complement me in different ways. I've seen not just a lover but a confidant and the nuances of a life-long partner with you. I know this seems naive, but I feel like I've seen forever with you.

With you love is not something you rush but it's something that you savor -- like coffee. First you have to smell its aroma. Get your whole senses working into smelling it. (After all, scientifically when you smell it, it feels like you've tasted it.) Then, you taste whether it's ready for you to engulf -- not too hot neither too cold but somewhere in between, whatever fits your liking. Every decision made out of love need not be run by impulsiveness but by careful planning. You know just how to test the waters with me. (Or the coffee for that matter).

You are always not about making good impressions and that's a first. Most men I know put their best foot forward and their worst later on. Only when I'm already so in love that I realize all I've seen are pretense. I don't like that.

Although talks about marriage are held in abeyance for now, there are things I find myself fancying about --- like cooking for you and being the mother of your children. Marriage had always been daunting for me. In fact, the thought of it not only unnerves me but scares me. But thinking about marrying you and spending the rest of my life (imagine the rest of my life!!!) with you is comforting. Because you are like a breath of fresh air. I have never felt this much for a guy before as I have with you.

I'm so glad you found me. I can finally complete your rib cage. But nothing beats the feeling of me finally resting in that cage where your heart is.

Happy season of hearts, Adam. I love you.

With so much love,
Shey