xinevirtucio

well not that their ghosts are still haunting...cause they're not..and no i'm not denying...

it just dawned on me...how far i've come..

from puppy loves....to tumultuous relationships...to pretentious relationships....to unstable relationships...

then a more serious...laid back..easy going....stable relationship....

i remember having to change boyfriends almost every year....making me look like a B*TCH...an easy girl...

people judge me based on my actions...however, they failed to see the reason behind it...

they failed to see the horror i have to deal with...the words laced with acid that i have to swallow....

i may not be the perfect girlfriend but heck...i did what they want to keep then happy...

then again in the end i am the one who failed to do my part....in the end i am the one who caused the failure of the so-called relationship.

i remember most of them telling me that i am too much to handle...that i am simply too maldita for them....

those are their reasons...reasons for getting rid of me...

and then i end up telling them...well then if you can' take me for who i am..then you can get the H*LL out of my life.

i can't help but wonder....before i get into a relationship...i always lay my cards face up..i tell them who i am...what i am..what my flaws are...and everything about my past....

and these egotistical maniacs....still end up assuring me they can handle me...they are capable of understanding me....

yet in the end...i am left...broken....

i've been used...played....abandoned...torn...

but somehow..i never learned my lesson....because i am always ready to fall in love again...

i wouldn't want to start counting...because...the memories are starting to fade...

at one point i didn't expect to find someone who will accept me for who i am without pretense without false assurances....

at one point i thought..i'd be better off alone..breaking hearts and leaving them in pieces...then again i am not capable of that...

i am not a heart breaker...which is the exact opposite of what people thought of me...

i not the one breaking hearts....they're the one's breaking my heart over and over again..

too often i even wonder how i survived...

i realized it was so wrong to think too far ahead especially when it comes to relationships...

just because it is your first love...that doesn't mean you will end up with him....

then again..is there such a thing as first love??

how can one love...eclipse the rest...is that utterly possible??

i used to believe in that...until i met someone...and i realized that it's nothing but crap...

and with this someone i came to realize that all the boys i've been with...are nothing but boys...

they are not man enough to stand by me...not man enough to keep their word..

and not man enough to stay committed...temptation is just too much for them to handle...

ahhh....boys....

these ex-boyfriends..did taught me a lot when it comes to relationships...

and despite making me feel like i am not worth...

these boys were once a part of my life...

if not for these boys

i would still be a wimp...up to the present...

thankfully...they've taught that someone better than them existed....