moy1moy1

Almost at the cliff, I wonder if I can take the leap to utmost hatred. Mind bent on malevolent thoughts, I cannot fathom how disfigured I would become if I succumb to such hate resonating below me.

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One thing I hate the most is for someone to know, and utterly, exploit, my weakness for an hour of mischievous fun;that weakness being me as shallow and a simpleton that is. I have this demeanor of being carefree and careless, lowering thy guard to whom I considered "friends".

There is one particular guy that I sense a negative chi since the very first day I met him. You can admire him, if you ever going to meet him, since He uses his asset on you, an awe for word play and undying confidence. I thought, I hate him, for I see myself as insecure to ever catch up to his neck.

Not till my college years that I learned to get numb by his unique kind of attitude. I actually was befriended by him, as he to me.

I was already in a established circle of friends (me and two females, whom are the oldest of the batch), suddenly this guy entered and sets the balance on turmoil, pakapinan pag sudden leave of one of my dearest friends, which prompt me to pity the other for we are a group of three, that pity turned into love and there is a sudden rush of need to comfort her so I decided to court her. But this turned out to be impossible, for she sees the "interloper" as a model I'm not fit to copy. In short, I was insecure. He was never a threat for he is not interested in her, and her to him. But to see him "provide" everything that I was supposed to do which I cannot, I suddenly feel small. But it doesn't concern me anymore; the story behind it, I wish to keep it for myself.

To dictate all of the happenings might turn this post into a book, let's just jump on things and say the days are better prior and after the eve of valentines on the 14th of February, 2013. I came into an anonymous text asking for my time for tomorrow's class. As a protocol, I asked who she/might be. He then mentioned my female friend's name. A series of mushy what the f*cks followed. Lastly, the anon requested for my laptop para gamitun niya sa iya presentation ugma.

Next morning, I was late by the agreed meet-up. I saw my cara mia on the bench. We talked and such, after that I asked her if it was indeed "her" requesting for my lappy that morning. She said she never texted me since last night. Curious, I asked the demon, who had just appeared out of nowhere, if he was the jester. He swear he's not the one.
I noticed that on my broadband register his name showed up, because of some random ancient sms. I asked again that was it him who jokingly texted me last night. Now he said he let his sim borrowed by another classmate of mine.

Furious, I waited. After the other party arrived, I immediately lend her my laptop, saying sunud ayaw gamit ug lain ngan ha? in front of my two friends, the demon and the angel.
It sounded like an accuse, for I cannot think rationally back then. Wrong move.

Revelation showed up through sms saying that this hellhound of a guy admitted his prank and was sorry. I melted, for I just accused a wrong person in front of my friend!? I gave him an empty apology acceptance. And I hugged my classmate, asking for forgiveness for accusing her. The other "she" felt silent; after all I thought it was "her" texting me. My good foundation into pursuing a possible relationship with this woman suddenly crumbled down, thanks to this mother f*cker.

Was it a mere child's play? Was it funny to you guys? To see you as a plaything? My dignity was stepped upon. Thoughts of gutting this guy down to his throat spurts into my brain like a fountain of rotten blood. I hate him. It was clear to me now that further mingling with this guy suffocates me up to my last air. At first it was insecurity, but I'm now certain that it is pure and pitchblack. And so help me God.

Can you blame me? That my thoughts are filled with this kind of malevolence? I choose to distance myself to them as not to compromise; for I might not control myself someday.

Perfect example for a devil's advocate. Bah!