Memoirs of an Amnesiac

I don't exactly remember which Vice Ganda film it was that had a scene where Vice Ganda lugubriously spread ashes (cremated remains of probably a loved one) into the air while the wind ceremoniously blows them away. The camera then pans. And the faces of his companions (those who attended the histrionic "spreading of the ashes") assail us, filled and covered with the strewn ashes.

My father somewhat had an inkling that he will pass away in a matter of months as when his jokes started bordering on the morbid. We all took it with casualness as my father treats death like one big joke. He thinks that it was quite silly to be afraid about something that all of us will eventually go through. No matter how much we try to keep our bank accounts and noses (with those plastic surgeries) augmented, we are all going to the worms!

My father made a remark that if he'd die one day, he wanted to be buried. He at least wanted to be whole when he meets his Creator and not scattered everywhere like dust.

I remembered when he made a joke about a wife who dearly loved her husband. She was deeply enamored by him that when he died in a car accident, she had his body cremated and placed in a specially-customized urn. Everyday, when the wife arrives from work, she would pass by the altar where her husband's remains were placed and she begins to lovingly recall and give her absentee husband an account of the day's events. This the wife practiced for several years until that one day when she noticed that the urn was no longer in its place. She asked her new helper where it was since she had seen her cleaning the altar when she left for work that morning.

The helper, utterly puzzled, could not give her a quick reply.

She said, "Ma'am, napuno man gud to'g abo sa sigarilyo. Nahibulong bitaw ko ngano na dili man unta ka manigarilyo. Ako'ng giyabo sa toilet bowl, Ma'am. Masuko unya ka."

The wife's life changed drastically since that fateful day. She was since then seen talking to the toilet bowl the way she had always done to the altar when she arrives home from work.

Whether we choose to be cremated and reduced to ashes or buried six feet below the ground, it's all up to us. Besides, we will never feel any form of pain when that happens.

As for me, I'd rather have my body ravenously stashed and fed to the dogs. This way, I will have a better use of my remains and in the process promote the continuity of the ecological food chain.

But of course, this is just a joke.