Memoirs of an Amnesiac

Someone once told me, "Enjoy your life while you still can. Don't hurry up to become 18. You will only get to be 14 once." It felt like it was just said yesterday when it had been like eons ago.

Fast forward to the present. I have gone through a lot of things in a span of time. There were times when my life took on a swift downward spiral and time was forever frozen in oblivion when I faced my losses: the ending of a relationship with the only guy I loved dearly and the death of my father. There were also moments that made my life take on a faster pace, as when I had decided to work abroad and face a new life there and my passing my comprehensive examination in my Master's degree.

I have made some really tough decisions in the past. Most of them were successful ones (because they yielded better results than I had ever imagined they would). Some of them turned out to be flop. I am currently living through their consequences with a firmer resolve to be stronger, no matter how much the memories haunt me, even in my sleep.

Sure I don't want to go through them but there are times that I really missed the "me" I once was sans the decisions. The truly naive and simple girl who only wanted simple things: a hearty laughter, endless afternoons with friends, nightly walks through busy streets just to "people-watch," flying a kite, picking seashells on the seashore (woah, a tongue twister!), curling up in bed with a book while rain is pouring down. Right now, I rarely get to experience them. What with all the many things I need to do. And things I have chosen to forget for they evoke such painful and often bittersweet memories.

I find myself always caught in a state of flux. Every phase of my life just flashes before me like that MTRCB viewing reminder: so fast and yet truly impacting. My mind wanders to days when things weren't so complicated and secretly wish life would be like then. Oftentimes, I review happy moments in my life (especially when the magnitude and stresses of work weigh down at me and I find myself confused) and lavish for a certain time its richness and taste its lustrous essence.

I sincerely wish there indeed was a time machine which I could use should all my troubles get the better of me and I need to zone out for a while, while I still have my sanity intact.