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A lot of people around these boards, by now, probably think that I'm this "hilas" know-it-all type of person that everyone would detest upon meeting. But those who have indeed met me (in person) and have known me for a good amount of time can be the better judge of my character.

Truth be told, I'm actually a collection of flaws.

I'm a failed husband.

I'm a failed educator.

I'm (nearly) a failed father (but I constantly try to correct this, as time goes by, and only my daughter can truly judge this when the time comes).

...and a failure at a dozen or so other things in life, that other people would perhaps consider as important milestones to having achieved something akin to success. Well, one positive thing I get from all of it is that I am fully aware and conscious of these failures, every waking moment of my life.

Other people tend to consider certain failures in life as things taboo, a source of weakness, their "Waterloo". This is perhaps why some people have adapted an attitude that manifests in rather brusque and boisterous ways, in the manner they talk or post in these forums--perhaps that could be an indication of an inner self trying to trample on, or stash away, signs or manifestations of weakness and certain flaws of character.

But I slowly realize that as the years go by and I ponder and reflect on all these shortcomings, I've come to a startling conclusion that it's actually from these failures that I've found anchor, a pier to hold on to--a source of strength--in that they have given me a reference point by which to evaluate next moves and decisions in life.

I don't really know what prompted me to write this down. I guess I just wanted to say that, despite how it may sound or read, I'm not out to hurt anyone's feelings. I'm simply trying to be loud and free. If such a state can be called happiness, then you can call it such, but to me it's just a state by which I can express myself to the fullest. To me, the definition of "being alive" is only true once I get to process all the things my limited brain can process, all the information I've gleaned throughout my waking hours, and channel them into some form of output that best illustrates my belief, that being alive is good, because you can feel. But to feel not only the pleasant, but also the repulsive, and not only use my strengths...but as well as my flaws.

To those who find me detestable because I like to flaunt my flaws, then I hope tolerance wins in that battle. Since time immemorial, more people have suffered and died because of intolerance, compared to whatever great injustices and inhuman treatment those countless bloodthirsty authoritarian rulers have inflicted upon his subjects.

I am therefore, thankful for my flaws. I don't relish or wallow in them--but I acknowledge them as part of who I am.

-RODION