Memoirs of an Amnesiac

As a child, when distant relatives come to the house to check on us, my parents would often refer to me as the "hard-headed one." I remembered that with the hard skull I had, my father (in a fit of anger) would hit it with any hard things his hands grasps: a spoon, a plastic cup, what-have-you. Miraculously, they never injured any part of my brain, and would disintegrate right before my crying face (the spoon was an exception). I was stubborn and it occurred to me that as much as that phase in my life had been difficult for my parents, it had been worse for me.

Things were always too difficult for me to grasp. It took a lot of physical hurt for me to really be able to understand it. After I've shed a tear and probably nursed my injuries, there, like divine enlightenment, I begin to understand why I went through what I went through. Of course, my parents talked me into them. But I guess learning them the hard way had their greatest impact than when my parents just repeatedly warned me about them.

Most of you probably are like me, subliminally choosing to learn things the hard way. Despite the warnings, we constantly plunge into things and situations that we think we shouldn't get involved with in the first place. We knew we're trudging on deadly turf but we venture into them anyway. We also knew we hated the pangs of regret but for the life of us, we couldn't wait until lessons smack and slap us right in the face before we ever learn from them.

When we were young, our motivations for behavior are based on what our parents brought us up with--on rewards and punishments. When we grow old, the responsibility of behaving is placed on our shoulders. Our mistake. Our call.

Growing old is tough. People shove maturity issues on our everyday plates like tasteless omelettes, ready for devouring. Like jail bound mortals, we take them in, as part of growing up, that came as rewards or drawbacks of having your own driver's license, a job with a meager income, a limited purchasing power and failed relationships, among others.

No matter how circuitous lessons and insights come in our lives, we never get to learn them until we painfully do. "No pain, no gain" as one commercial puts. We do follow it, like a mantra of our everyday existence. (Can I see nodding heads?).

We are from the school of hard knocks. And learning should never be easy with us as far as we are concerned.