Memoirs of an Amnesiac

My Christian views are unorthodox, probably brought by my exposure to religious sects other than what I was raised up to be. There are things that I have slowly decided not to practice (but continue to respect) because I have found them to be "unnecessary" given that I had come to realize that you need not do something in order to believe.

You just need to leap.

Leap with faith, that is. I might be speaking metaphorically but I know (and am sure that you are nodding to this) that faith is a big word and it is synonymous with trust (another big word). I am the kind of person who has big problem in this department. This cynical side often kept me from going a notch higher or pushing forward to what people think I could still reach. Let's admit it. It's always comfortable to be within one's "zone." To be sure with oneself that whatever happens, one could always work things out because it is within one's turf. One is always afraid to commit mistakes. But a thousand mistakes is worth more than the nagging feeling one would have if only one had tried.

We leap everyday. At I least I do. I stare at a sea of student's faces. Most of which are probably not taking me seriously. Maybe some are. I keep telling myself while keeping my lesson at bay that I need to believe that there will be great changes (no matter how minute my efforts are considered to be) soon if not now. Nothing in the caterpillar ever assures me that it will become a beautiful butterfly, anyway.

We get hurt. But we continue to love. We're not a bunch of masochists of course, but we understand that even when it's love that caused us to feel pain, somehow it's still love that would heal it. We leap in that we trust the next stranger we will choose to love even when love slowly took away our trust.

We believe. We believe in the power that can be created when we start to put all our energies into one thing (that no matter how inconsequential) will work for us. Most would say that we are just trusting our instincts but we are actually powering up our faith.

We stop doubting because we understand that when we do, we stop leaping; and thus, stop believing. There is no room for doubt with faith. Because doubt is the absence of faith. It is when we decide that we remain on the ground and keep still that we lose our faith in leaping.

There are no guarantees in faith. I guess there never will be. This is what makes leaping too difficult. The human spirit's credulity is always anchored on what its senses can perceive. Was it doubting Thomas who said, "To see is to believe?" If belief needs a concrete proof, how else could one exercise it?

Even when we're not fully aware of it, we are leaping. And we will continue to do so. Because life presents us with many opportunities to leap.

I hope we don't stay rooted to the ground.