-apleasingchaos-

months ago?
nah...

more like years ago!

for those "years ago" I have learned to be tough,
learned how " not to be swayed on by charms",
learned how to be on guard from those "sly" ones,
learned how to move and be on the watch.

Yes, I have become defensive.

It did not happen overnight. Nor over a span of months.
But years.. of pains, joys and trials.

What brought me thinking ...

Was walking through an known path whilst deep in thought.
A lot of things were running through my mind..

nothing as big as the recent hostage taking scene..
nothing controversial like the major major scene
nothing polluted like the everyday scene..

oh just those bits and framgments of everyday thoughts..
like ," what's going to happen next month?"
like, " if it's gonna have another typhoon on september.."
...

what's left? what's there?
how will u find the answers.. when you are running out of questions?


you look for the answers..
search for the meaning
but what happens, when you cant find the questions?
when you dont know what to search for?

what's left for you to fill in.
when you can't ask ..why? what? how?


does it mean that u've finally found it?
or is it a proof of.. standout madness?

There is one section in this forum that I don't frequent..
Although it is interesting to read, it just seems to me, that is always a clash of varied opinions.
( with much respect to the regulars in this section.. )
I find it "very opinionated".


But for tonight , wanting a little change, I wandered into the "Spirituality and Occult " section..

wandering ..wandering..
thread to thread..
hmm.. hmm..
...

i laugh.. many times a day..
i smile.. many times a day..

i cry.. i don't..

does it make me insincere? unfeeling? unserious?
no, it makes me go on..

i have nothing against tears..emotions and feelings.. i have all that..
i have it all safely "kept " away..

i don't wish it to go away.. i know its real.
i'm asking for a little more strength.. a little more spirit..

a single tear, holds a lot of emotions... ...

i hate this part...


nope.. that's not me talking.
It's title of the song..
1 word-- hate.

such a strong word .
such a strong emotion.

i hate the word hate.not because i'm an advocate of peace.
i just hate it's implication.


so what's hate..? its the opposite of love.
that's it..!

I've always believed.. there is a thin line between hate and love.. u can be at the boundaries of both at ...

What's it with rain that makes u want to stop and take it easy?

It's raining outside.. good thing it's 1 AM in the morning and most people are already asleep.
But once it rains sometime during the day , it seems like the surroundings is in slow motion.
Makes you want to sit down.. talk.. free conversation..
it just flows.. it just comes out..
looking at the raindrops..it makes u remember the times when u were young and carefree..
remember the time when ...